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[–]GrandMasterB19 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
This isn't exactly how shit tests work dude. Every woman will shit test you in the beginning. Most of them aren't even conscious that they do it. It's only when you're still getting shit tests deep into a relationship that you know you have a problem.
The purpose of shit testing is to check your masculinity, your confidence, your strength, etc. She is literally testing you to see how much of her shit you will take, how much shit you will allow her to get away with.
The only reason shit tests are a problem for 99% of you guys is because you play these games along with her. Rather than trying to pass her shit tests, learn the signs so you can sense them as they're happening. Then side step them and elect not to take them. Or at bare minimum, pass deliberately.
Most of you guys also have ridiculously low standards. You need to start giving women your own shit tests. Check her femininity. You need to get into the mindset that she has to pass your shit tests to get with you. This is the type of high value shit all these pick up pill color guys won't teach you.
[–]earsurgery9 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This isn't exactly how shit tests work dude. Every woman will shit test you in the beginning
Not if she's heavily attracted.
My wingman is stupidly handsome (no homo. He just is lol) and girls do NOT 'shit test' him at all lol. They're the ones chasing his validation
[–]GrandMasterB19 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In my experience when a girl is heavily attracted sometimes they'll give like one pre-school level shit test and then just become more attracted and validation seeking. But more so in the context of a new relationship girls will shit test in the beginning to see what they can get away with.
[–]pua_max 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
GrandMaster, I totally agree. See my comment on the main thread. It's kind of a funny example of what you're saying here. Standards are crucial for sure.
[–]norwegiandoggo -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
No woman I've dated in the last 5 years have given me a "shit test". They need "check your masculinity"? Okay. What does this even mean? Do you have any data to back this up? How do you know the difference between "checking your masculinity" versus not being interested in you? This sounds like old PUA mumbo jumbo BS.
[–]GrandMasterB19 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Dude you can believe whatever you want, I really don't give a shit lol. But you clearly don't understand how shit testing works.
[–]norwegiandoggo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
When a girl makes fun of your hair. Or she agressively counters your political views. Is this a sign of disinterest or a shit test? Can you tell me the difference? Please, show me the difference if you understand how it works mr. Grandmaster. Since I am an idiot when it comes to this.
[–]GrandMasterB19 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Most people that have been with a few women can tell the difference between a woman that's teasing them or testing them versus a woman that's blatantly disrespecting them. You shouldn't need scientific data to understand this.
[–]norwegiandoggo -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Tell me the difference then.. explain it to me. If it's so easy as you say.
[–]GrandMasterB19 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
In one instance she's testing your confidence to see how insecure you are, if your full of shit, and how much of her shit you'll take. In the other instance it's blatant disrespect. This is pretty rudimentary stuff dude.
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I understand you say there's a difference. But what kinds of behaviors are you talking about? If it's so rudimentary to tell the difference as you say. Can you give some examples?
[–]GrandMasterB19 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No. Trust your instincts and intuitions as a man and you will sense the difference. I figured this shit out on my own as a teenager before I even really knew what game was. Every shit test is unique to the situation and my original comment is some of the realest advice on shit testing you will find. The key is to be aware of them while they are happening.
[–]norwegiandoggo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I conclude from this you can't tell the difference. I know you think you can tell the difference. But you can't even give me one example and you tell me to use my intuition. I'm going to conservatively guess that using "intuition" is not very reliable. Intuition never is.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M,🍰] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (2 children) | Copy Link
1
There's no difference between a so called "shit test" and a sign of disinterest. Stop the dilusion! If you get a "shit test" it means she's actually turned off by something you said or did. Or she's just not attracted to you.
There's no difference between a so called "shit test" and a sign of disinterest. Stop the dilusion!
If you get a "shit test" it means she's actually turned off by something you said or did. Or she's just not attracted to you.
This is an argument based on semantics. You want to argue what everyone else should agree the definition of a word to be.
You want everyone to agree that shit test = sign of disinterest.
You're not going to get that consensus and this discussion doesn't help guide people to a better understanding of seduction.
2
Do some guys mistake a sign of disinterest as a shit test? Of course.
That doesn't change the fact that people subconsciously feel out those around them to see if they get along.
This feeling out could be defined as a shit test. And sometimes people find that they get along with others, while other times they find out that they don't. Which equates to someone passing or failing the "test."
3
Now if you want to have a discussion about what actually can or should be done about such a test, that's a more practical conversation.
Because a lot of guys get focused on trying to pass any shit test, which is impossible because it's impossible to hit it off with everyone.
A lot of advice on this topic accidentally veers into the idea that a guy can or should mold themselves into someone who can appeal to any girl.
Which is obviously not practical.
4
There are also plenty of people who are teasing others around them, which can definitely constitute a shit test.
And if a guy is taking himself too seriously, they will shoot themselves down. This is probably what a lot of guys started out talking about when they use the term, "shit test."
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree with a lot of what you said. But don't you think it's unhelpful for people to define it as a "shit test?" I think the whole framing of a woman's behavior as something negative like this doesn't help anyone in a dating situation. It's an unhelpful description. Because guys see some behavior and they think
"oh It's a shit test. Now I need to keep my frame because she's testing my masculinity. She's actually interested I just need to keep my frame".. which is a big ball of beloney sandwhich BS.
That's usually nothing like what actually goes on from the woman's perspective. She either insecure or uncertain and wants reassurance. Or she's not interested. She's not trying to find out how masculine a guy is or some crap like that. And keeping your frame rarely does anything to solve the situation nor does it generate attraction. It can just as often make the girl frustrated and more angry.
Let me ask you another thing. Why is a guy's behavior never defined as a "shit test". It's only women's behavior. You don't say "oh this girl hit on me, but I wasn't sure about her so I decided to test her feminitity or her frame to see how legit she is" - you realize ridiculous it sounds right? Well if you ask women about "shit tests" they will tell you that you've lost your marbles. Because it's just as crazy to define a woman's behavior like that. It's a very inaccurate description and theory of what's actually going on and how to solve it in the best way. That's why I propose to get rid of the concept in its entirety. Because it's just a very wrong way to think in a dating situation. I believed in "shit tests" for many years until I realized how it actually messed me up on so many levels. It prevented me from really understanding what's happening.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with a lot of what you said. But don't you think it's unhelpful for people to define it as a "shit test?" I think the whole framing of a woman's behavior as something negative like this doesn't help anyone in a dating situation.....
Totally!
Although I still end up having to use the term, if only to discuss things in terms they recognize. :|
Like having to explain things using different terms, requires front-loading to explain what's going on. It's sometimes faster to just say, "shit test," and then explain that it's not really what they think.
From there, guys will understand that the term isn't really helpful.
But if I start off by saying that the term isn't useful, the conversation becomes more complicated.
That's usually nothing like what actually goes on from the woman's perspective. She either insecure or uncertain and wants reassurance. Or she's not interested. She's not trying to find out how masculine a guy is or some crap like that.
Yep. It's rarely ever a deliberate "test." Which is why I was talking about subconscious actions in my first comment.
I think people certainly do get an impression of others they meet, and come to some feeling as to whether they like being around them or not.
And that leads to behavior that some guys mistakenly think of as a "test" if the girl has arrived at a feeling that she doesn't care much for being around a particular guy.
The issue is that some girls like to tease playfully, and while that's a different thing, some guys think signs of disinterest are the same thing. So it gets messy.
And keeping your frame rarely does anything to solve the situation nor does it generate attraction. It can just as often make the girl frustrated and more angry.
If a girl is just being playful and we're talking about "keeping your frame" in the sense of "not taking yourself too seriously," than that's a different thing.
If the girl is showing she's not interested and the guy keeps at it, yeah, we're in agreement...... it's not helpful in any way.
Let me ask you another thing. Why is a guy's behavior never defined as a "shit test". It's only women's behavior.
There are actually comments and posts about this, with guys either asking if guys do it, or outright saying that guys do it too. Here's an older post of someone asking about it.
There has been a lot of semantic discussion about negging vs shit tests, since they are similar in practical terms. (Here's one post asking about that.)
The general consensus I've seen, is that "negging" is often the guy's version of "shit tests."
So it does come up. But considering that guys coming here are more concerned with how to figure out dating and get with a girl, it's not strange at all they'd often be more concerned with what the girls are doing and what their response should be.
5
You don't say "oh this girl hit on me, but I wasn't sure about her so I decided to test her feminitity or her frame to see how legit she is" - you realize ridiculous it sounds right?
Yep; that's pretty much my stance. That's one reason why I took the post down. Ascribing so much deliberateness to something that's not deliberate, is ridiculous. No one thinks this way.
Some people might want to throw a curve ball at someone else to see how they react, but that's a different thing.
6
That's why I propose to get rid of the concept in its entirety.
Guys in this culture are often reaching adulthood without really understanding how to date. Which causes a lot of confusion and frustration, to say the least.
Getting people to stop saying "shit test," doesn't solve this. Neither does trying to convince them that they shouldn't take teasing personally or get upset when someone isn't interested.
The solution is not to somehow convince every guy to not say "shit test," etc. We solve this problem by better teaching guys social skills so they can healthily navigate social experiences to get dates and such.
[–]STD_Tyler 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It is true that lots of guys attribute disinterest to being "shit test". But that doesn't mean that shit tests don't exist. It is true that a girl that got attracted to you will subconsciously say something harsh to test you.
[–]norwegiandoggo 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Uhm.. I have tons of girls be attracted to me and they never said anything harsh to test me, ever. So I think that's a wrong assumption. From all the girls I've dated in the past 5 years, no one that liked me has said anything harsh. Not one. I treat them with respect and they give me the same respect in return
[–]mr_Tobbor 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because uou are a God.
[–]STD_Tyler 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So tons of girls you dated never teased you about something in your appearance? Something you wear? Made fun of bad jokes you said or your accent or whatever? Never challenged your political views? Never told you "We are not having sex tonight"..etc? You never approached a girl in a club that was acting bitchy at first to test you?
But it can't be your anecdote against mine, it is not an intelligent way of discussion. Shit tests have been documented by lots of men for decades and there are tons of examples.
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Well yes those things happened. Because they weren't interested in me and we ended up not working out. This is what I mean. These things happen. But they're not shit tests. They're signs of disinterest. With girls I go out with that actually like me, this never happens. It only happened when she couldn't stand me or didn't like me , or we were incompatible. Or she's just mean. Why would I continue pursuing that? I don't. I leave the date. Let me ask you this. Do the dates go better with girls who don't give you these "shit tests" or better with the girls who don't do this to you? Because when they show signs of disinterest like this the dates don't work out 99% of the time. And when they don't do it, it usually works out. This is about finding chemistry. Not ignoring signs of disinterest and pushing ahead.
[–]earsurgery9 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
A 'shit test' (to use the pua term) is nearly always a matter of her just not being into you sexually. You're not her type. No big deal. Move on
Imagine an ugly girl trying to hit on you, and you naturally kind of brush off her advances, or maybe if you're an asshole, you'd ignore her or tell her she's not your type/be rude etc.
Now imagine if that girl thought 'this is a shit test!!' hahaha. Same thing
Now, what women DO do, it kind of tease guys a little bit at times. Maybe i've been kissing a girl all night and she tease me about being short. Kind of a shit test. But it's still clear that she's into you. She's kissed you, for one! She doesn't want you to go away etc. It's playful.
What these PUA morons do is approach a girl who isn't remotely into him, and then proceed to carry on trying to 'convince' her to be attracted as they consider her lack of attraction, a 'shit test', ignoring her social cues. The difference should be obvious to a normal guy. Ask yourself is she's interested in you or not. Look at her eyes. How she's acting.
I know within 5 seconds whether I have a shot with a girl I cold approach, or not
[–]norwegiandoggo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I 100% agree with what you wrote.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]norwegiandoggo 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. This is what I mean!! She's either mean, or she's not interested. Both means leave her alone. Don't push ahead like so many guys advice on here.
[–]mr_Tobbor 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Example from a brilliant article: If a pretty girl says “I bet you say that to all the girls” (a run-of-the-mill standard shit test) and you stand there with your jaw ajar speechless in what to say, you have just failed her shit test. Your silence is not useful because she can see you are not wilfully ignoring her, you’re just stuck for what to say and your mental slowness is blatant. This is a huge faux pas that communicates stark social incompetency. An example of passing her shit test? The infamous agree and amplify technique. If you were to say “Yeah, but normally I forget their faces” and she follows up with “So what, you’re saying you won’t forget mine?” (another shit test) and you reply with another agree and amplify “Not if you give me a reason not to” in a charismatic tone, then you’ve effectively used game to come out victorious in that round of testing.
[–]norwegiandoggo 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
If she says "bet you say that to all the girls". You know why she says that? It's most likely because she's uncertain if you really like her for her. Or if you will leave her heart broken. It's not a test. She's sharing her insecurity. You can resolve it by reassuring her that you really like her and that you're currently not focusing on anyone else but her. Again. It's not a test. Not even in the slightest. She's expressing her concerns which are legitimate. By blowing them off like it's nothing you do nothing to eliviate her concerns and she will bring this up again and again
[–]mr_Tobbor -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Very poor response
[–]user365735 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yea. Don't ever tell a girl how you feel. Keep her guessing. I mean show her how you feel. But don't ever be a therapist to a girl.
So many mistakes I can't keep writing.
[–]ProFriendZoner 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If she had no interest in you she wouldn't be testing you, talking to you, in your vicinity. She'd just blow you off. So yea, the more attracted she is to you, the more she will shit test you.
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
What you see as "shit tests" aren't really tests at all. Give me an example of a "shit test" and I'll explain what I mean. People don't "test" you when they're attracted to you.. They screen you. They try to find red flags. Warning signs that you would be a bad person for them to date. Those aren't tests you can pass or fail. She's not trying to "test your masculinity". She has genuine concerns and insecurities and wants to find out if she can trust you and that you will treat her well. She wants to be reassured before she continues developing something. She doesn't need to you to "keep your frame" or "blow of her concerns as no big deal". She needs you to address her concerns in an open and honest way and reassure her.
Dude a woman is going to test you no matter what. That's horse shit. If you've been around enough woman shit tests are done subconsciously alot of times. It's in their nature to do so. I don't care what anyone says. Some tests are done consciously. Like when a woman cancels a date or trys to change the location. Go ask a woman why she does.
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I don't care what anyone says" - means conversation is over 🤷
[–]pua_max 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ok I have an interesting take on this where I’m the one giving the shit tests as a guy. Story is weird but bear with it.
I’m out approaching. I had been dancing earlier w a street performer for dhv and a girl walks up to me and says “hi! I love your dance moves - you’re really out here vibing. What’s your name?” The thing is she looked way too young (I’m in my early 20s). Like maybe 18 at best but prob younger. I’m kinda hesitant w my answers when she asks me about dance and tells me about her own dance journey. If I were gaming a girl who had been as hesitant as me I probably would have gotten uncomfortable, but this girl doesn’t seem to give a shit and just keeps the convo going. I then say “uh you seem a little young... how old are you?” She says “14!”. Holy shit. She then says hm, let me guess your age... 20? Which is pretty close to on the money. So she basically answers my unspoken question that she doesn’t give a shit about the age gap and is gunning for me anyway. She then asks me for my insta while mentioning her parents would kill her if they found out cause they’re strict about boys.
Obv I’m not going to text her back if/when she texts me, but that kind of confidence at mfin 14 was honestly very attractive. Helps that she’s a little older looking (I’m not a pedo I swear!). I’m generally pretty attracted to confident women tho so that might just be a me thing.
She more or less passed my “shit tests” about age with rock solid frame. She wasn’t the most smooth but just kept trucking no matter what. If she had become really jittery and unsure when I pushed her on her age then I would have left the interaction. But she passed it and maybe if she were like 17 I’d consider it ;) (jk no I wouldn’t of course it’s the law).
The takeaway is that when you are unsure about some quality of a person, you will naturally ask and test about it. For women to men, this will be more on testing for masculine frame. A similar example to my story is that a woman who’s older than you will give you shit tests on the age gap. I actually have a story about a six year older woman I fwb’d that I can tell another time where this comes up. Just keep trucking is pretty much the answer to all of these.
I get some of the most blatant choosing signals from teenage girls. I think it just comes down to women liking older men. I think it's because older men have more experience and tend to be more aligned with their masculinity. Conversely, younger women tend to be more aligned with their femininty and carry less emotional baggage.
[–]norwegiandoggo 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You call it a "shit test". But I see it as no such thing. I see it as you having legitimate concerns and hesitations. Concerns and hesitations she didn't really address and so you still have them. Keeping her frame did not eliviate your concerns. So keeping her frame was not the most effective thing she could have done. Reassuring you would have been much better. By seeing things as a test, you set yourself up for failure and think the person is questioning you or testing you. This is not really what's happening. They are actually sharing legitimate concerns and just want reassurance. They're not "testing your masculinity" or somesuch thing. That's not what's happening.
[–]mr_Tobbor -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
She was cheeting. She was married. My friend was banging her every day. At the first bang she said :" my husband's dick is two times larger than yours". Then she begun to suck and moan taking his dick in all holes. Isn't it a shit test?
Seems like a lot of dudes on this subreddit seem to think so
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