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[–]Daytripsinsidecars 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
No. Why the hell would you do that?!?!?
That would be incredibly cringe and not achieve anything.
[–]drdavidbanner20 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly. It's already cringey that you said "it's alright" so many times. When you get rejected, "no worries, have a nice day" + a smile is all you need to do. I don't understand the mindset of apologizing for thinking a girl is attractive enough to ask out OP.
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea no I definitely see your point. I think I was just hit with a reality check and I really wanted to still be able to talk and not have to wait so long. But I totally agree with what you said
[–]maxpowers2022 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yea i see what you’re saying now. I haven’t had the time to really think about it so I think I’m just thinking irrationally. Thanks for taking the time to post man
[–]Daytripsinsidecars 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Woman* but you’re welcome 😀
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh shit I’m sorry. I usually type whatever comes out of my mouth and mind when I ramble hahaha
[–]Daytripsinsidecars 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No problem. Apparently I type like a guy!
You’ll do well, just keep being confident!
[–]SaifEdinne 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'll paste it here since the other post got deleted:
Don't apologize! You did nothing wrong, you were honest with yourself and honest with her, so what would you even apologize for? If you want to text her, do it. But keep it casual and don't mention the rejection, now she knows that you're interested in her and if you can keep a normal conversation with her even after being rejected, she'll know that you're neither a clingy or a "nice guy" type.
Don't push her for a date, the ball is with her now. See how it proceeds.
Ok yea I see. I think I just need some time to think. Ik I’ll try to reconnect at somepoint. Whether it be soon or when I come back in 5 months. Thank you for the advice
[–]jbird32275 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Hell no! Act like it never happened. Walk in with your head held high like your shit don't stink. And good on you for taking the chance champ. Keep it up. There is other women out there. Edit: a word.
[–]maxpowers2022 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for the commendation. Kinda needed to hear that hahaha. But yea no I’m gonna take time and everything as I imagine she’ll do the same
[–]jbird32275 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's probably not thinking about it as much as you think. Definitely not as much as you. People tend to dwell on stuff like this and let it affect them. Don't do it. Dating is a numbers game. Ask out every woman you're attracted to without hesitation. If you hesitate you get in your own head. You'd be surprised at how many yeses (is that a word?) you get. Let this one go, find another one(see: oneitis). Who knows, maybe she will see you with another girl and change her mind (see: preselection).
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t apologize, you took the risk, it didn’t work. It’ll be awkward but just leave it at that. You should be proud you even did it in the first place. It takes balls
Thanks for the kind words and advice. I’ll take it all into account and give myself some time to think
[–]quinnmcd[M] [score hidden] 6 years ago stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:
No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.
For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person are fine as field should be directed to /r/askSeddit, not to be confused with askReddit.
[–]grrinchas -4 points-3 points-2 points 6 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
Yes. You should apologise her.
But don't apologise because you like her. But apologise because you put this very unexpectedly without any warning and made her uncomfortable. Explain, that you are ok with that, and hope you can be friends.
If you don't do that, then there will be always weird tension between two of you. She may even avoid you. She may even avoid of going to work. You don't want that. Especially if you care for her.
It is not about being Mr. Nice Guy. It's about doing the right thing.
[–]SaifEdinne 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
By apologizing, he'll lose any chance he ever had with her. Tension between them is what you make of it, if he makes it awkward then it will be awkward. Nothing more, you create the tension yourself.
[–]grrinchas -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
He couldn't hold his frame anyway. He already surrendered to her frame when she got confused. He could just made fun. But instead made it more awkward. So the frame is lost.
Any other attempt to be tough guy, it will just make him look more pathetic.
So it's better to come up clean. Maybe she will recognise that.
[–]SaifEdinne 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, at that moment was it awkward and trying to act normal in the coming conversations is not "acting the though guy" imo, it's ... acting normal and not needy. If he apologizes, that's when he'll be pathetic. Apologizing while having done nothing wrong, I don't think there are many other things that go lower than that.
What happened, happened. Keep the relationship they have healthy and wait for the next opportunity. Don't push it after being rejected, no girl likes a needy guy.
[–]grrinchas -3 points-2 points-1 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
But he did something wrong.
He didn't recognise the signals. How clueless you have to be and not to know when woman likes you and when she is not. So he fucked up and it is his fault.
[–]SaifEdinne 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hold up, are you serious? Men and women mistake signals all the time, some people are just very open and physical in a friendly manner that for others can be seen as showing interest while other people are so conserved that they don't touch others or initiate convos even though they're interested.
Get off your high horse, the dude tried and got rejected. Nothing more, he didn't cling to her, stalk her afterwards or insult her so he has nothing to apologize for. Yes he fucked up and he'll learn from it.
[–]grrinchas 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I make people everyday uncomfortable or awkward by saying total bullshit to their faces. I do this to overcome my own insecurities. I know what I am doing is wrong.
Op made her uncomfortable without realising what he is doing. But that doesn't make it right. It is still wrong.
It is like if go to U.S Virgin Islands and carry a weapon in public where is prohibited, but I didn't know that law. I will still be fined, I can't justify these actions due to lack of knowledge. Therefore, it is my duty to learn the law.
Similarly, before you approach a women you should have some social intelligence and awareness on what will happen. If you make it uncomfortable, then it is your fault and it is not right.
Why do you think PUA has bad press? It is because coaches teach some bullshit that approaching is fine. Which is not correct. Approaching is fine as long you make everyone comfortable. If you fail, then you DID something wrong. And you should take responsibility.
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Idk if she was confused. She was probably just surprised by the fact. I feel that almost no matter what it was gonna be an awkward exchange no matter what she said cause the openness of the it.
[–]grrinchas 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes. She got surprised. And it caught you of guard and you got awkward.
So first of all. Don't surprise women like that. Don't just drop a bomb. Take your time, check if she sees you as someone who can be more than a friend. And, when you are confident that there is a spark between you too, then say something like this. Especially when stakes are big (work).
Think how she feels now and what she thinks about you. I doubt that she liked you. Otherwise she wouldn't react like that. Believe me. If she liked you, she would be happy, that you would say something like that. And not be shocked. But now she may be even angry at you, cause you fucked up her working environment.
I meant she’s probably surprised I actually did something and asked. Idk how I was but I probably was at least a little obvious to her during the month and nothing changed in how she talked to me. Also, I stated it was on my last day there so I’m not gonna be there to potentially fuck up her work environment. But I can see your point tho
I see what you’re saying. Like I’ve said in some replies I think I’ll take some time. If she wants to contact me she can whenever but until I let the dust settle is when I think I’ll try to reconnect. And when that comes if it still affects our friendship then I’ll possibly consider apologizing
[–]Daytripsinsidecars 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is genuinely terrible advice.
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[–]Daytripsinsidecars 5 points6 points7 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]drdavidbanner20 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Daytripsinsidecars 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Daytripsinsidecars 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaifEdinne 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jbird32275 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jbird32275 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]quinnmcd[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]grrinchas -4 points-3 points-2 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaifEdinne 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]grrinchas -2 points-1 points0 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaifEdinne 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]grrinchas -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaifEdinne 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]grrinchas 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]grrinchas 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]maxpowers2022 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Daytripsinsidecars 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link