Should I really try not to be self-deprecating most of the time?

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-01-07T04:17:05+00:00

There is a huge difference between showing vulnerability, and self-deprecation. I work hard to avoid any self-deprecating humor, since I started observing my use of it, and saw how it can kill attraction. But some guys swear by it. I don't know precisely what they're doing, but I suspect they're not really being self-deprecating. Maybe they're just showing vulnerability by joking about deficiencies they don't really have.

pogoman · 2013-01-07T05:48:54+00:00

Try to limit yourself to stuff like I'm bad at driving and I'm really messy. If you do self-deprecating humor, try to stay away from stuff like I'm horrible with women, or I'm an idiot. You can do stuff like I'm a dork or a goofball.

When in doubt, think of if were extremely confident in myself, would I say this? Are you self-deprecating yourself with a subtext of please like me, or I'm already confident in myself so I don't need to worry about exposing a few of my stupid flaws.

I've noticed when I have used self-deprecating humor and I have been feeling unconfident, it kills attraction. However, it can be fine if you are truly confident in yourself. I feel if you are truly confident in yourself, you wouldn't be asking this question, so I suggest you stay away from it for a while. Try using cocky humor for a while. It will feel weird at first, but feel better as you become more confident.

Hope that helps

Sirr_Lurks_Alot · 2013-01-07T06:32:32+00:00

I tend to use self-deprecating humor only as a joke. I'll joke about havin a tiny penis or something when in reality I'm comfortable with the size. Girls tend to find it pretty funny and it opens up the conversation....

puaCurveBall · 2013-01-07T17:06:07+00:00

Just stop it for a couple months and then report back with any differences you have noted.

Profakal · 2013-01-07T04:10:46+00:00

Why do you feel such a need to be self-deprecating?

selsewon · 2013-01-07T05:40:24+00:00

I get the self-deprecating thing; it's a funny way out of an embarrassing moment. People around you laugh and maybe even tell you how funny you are. But do women want the funny guy? The guy that can admit his own insecurities via humor? Idk. It seems as if the folks here would say no.

I use it a bit too much I'm sure. It's nice to have as a resource in a pinch but not to use as a representation of who you are.

leodoestheopposite · 2013-01-07T19:50:05+00:00

Self-deprecation is not for me. I don't like it, it's not working for me.

If you like it and it's working for you. Go for it.

2013-01-08T01:18:48+00:00

I tend to do the exact opposite which can turn girls off. at first it's probably fine but doing it in abundance just makes it seem like you don't respect yourself. some guys can pull off the self deprication and some can pull off the mean jokes naturally and I think the key is knowing where the line is, and not overdoing it or using it as a crutch when things are going south or to maintain interest

easier said than done when you enjoy it and have been doing it for ages of course, but still doable

Title	Should I really try not to be self-deprecating most of the time?
Author	Profakal
Upvotes	11
Comments	26
Date	January 7, 2013 4:02 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/163mcs/should_i_really_try_not_to_be_selfdeprecating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-really-try-not-to-be-self-deprecating.1345478 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345478

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