Solo

intjpua · 2010-04-16T21:30:25+00:00

I go out alone a lot, as I'm often in a new town. I don't go to clubs or bars that much, though. It's perfectly normal to be at the grocery store by yourself (who calls their buddy to go shopping?!) or just about anywhere else.

When I do go to bars and clubs alone, I'll start talking to people as soon as possible. Right outside my house, I'll talk to any neighbors out and about, I'll talk to the bus driver, the people on the bus, the people as I'm walking to the club, the door man (always talk to the staff; there is nothing but good that can come of it, as long as you're friendly and upbeat), the bartender, etc. By the time I'm inside I've talked to a half dozen people, and it's not such a big deal to talk to someone at the bar or something.

I do still have a lot of approach anxiety, and it's easy to get stuck not talking to people. The three-second rule seems to be a good one, though Brad P suggests an "eye contact" run through the club first (make a round through the club, making eye contact with every girl who looks at you, and then settle in somewhere to pick out your targets to talk to). I'm a little iffy on this one. I'd probably get stuck and unable to approach if I waited that long.

Also keep in mind that if you get stuck in that rut, you can go outside, catch your breath, talk to more people on the street, and move on to another club where you're the "new guy" again, rather than the "single guy in the corner". "New guy" is interesting, or at least neutral, "guy in the corner" is creepy, or at least socially low on the totem pole. Every club is a new chance to be awesome.

GrahamCoxon · 2010-04-16T23:53:37+00:00

I actually enjoy flying solo myself, not that I don't like hanging with my buddies, but sometimes I feel like they can hold you back or even become obstacles in some cases. There are many advantages to going it alone, one being you don't have to worry about feeling like you're being judged by your friends.

One of the things I do from keeping from becoming that awkward lonely guy sitting in the corner, is to walk into a place and immediately befriend someone to chat up, like the doorman or bartender. This helps to start the momentum to begin approaching various groups.

If anyone ever asks why you're out by yourself, you can just say that you were supposed to meet your buddy but he canceled at the last minute so you figured you'd just stay out and make some new friends.

ehpic · 2010-04-18T21:44:28+00:00

Last night I went out to go see one of my favorite bands. I decided that I was going to go alone, and I was going to stay sober. As soon as I got to the place I talked to people that were walking down the street. Asked them a simple question "Do you guys know who is playing right now, and do you know who is playing next?"

I went in and there was a four set two guys and two girls I didn't open, but I remember telling myself to open. The whole time I wanted to call my friends to come to the show.

I was choding around for a bit, and I began to walk around. I open a two set and I blew myself out by staying in the stranger guy who just approached me frame. Went to the bar, and was about to buy a jack and coke. Decided not to and I bought some water. Then continue to wait for the next band and just told myself to open. So I open the girl that was next to me, and she was friendly.

The band I went to go see played, and afterward I was walking back to the bar. I bought another water bottle. Went back to the center of the stage, and began texting. Then I open a girl that was next to me. Hi, I'm Danny" HBLips: Hi I'm Irene
Me: I haven't heard that name since grade school HBLips: Is that right? Me: i forgot what i said HBLips: Danny is a very common name. Hey meet my friend... forgot his name

Stayed focus on her, and kept plowing. Her friend excused himself to the restroom. I got her number, but I was in attraction or as Tim likes to call it in WOOOOO! state for to long. I did not escalate.

When I have liquid courage I'm bouncing around, and approaching and escalating is easier.

I'm happy with the results. It was my official first night out in the field alone, and sober. Now I know what I need to work on.

rmbarnes · 2010-04-16T22:12:56+00:00

I almost prefer to fly solo, that's how I started and so that's kind of how I continue to operate. I can go out with a wing, but I find that I do better solo. There's really no "how" to it, just do it. The important thing to remember though is that you don't have wing so you have to charm the whole group instead of only the girl you want to fuck.

rmbarnes · 2010-04-19T12:28:21+00:00

I've done it a couple of times. I actually found it easier to approach when solo, here's why.

When you're out with a group of friends, standing chatting with your friends is your comfort zone. To approach a set, you have to leave this comfort zone which can be hard.

When solo, you have no comfort zone. As soon as you enter a bar, you're standing there alone, which is uncomfortable. Approaching is also uncomfortable, but not more so than standing alone in a bar. Since you have no comfort zone to leave, this is one less obstacle to approaching.

In addition to this, some newbie PUAs are really uncomfortable about being left standing on their own in the bar when their wing is opening a set. It can be annoying to feel like your wing is joined to you by the hip, and so wings need to be at ease being left on their own for periods of time. Going out solo helps with this.

Lastly, many wings who don't like a set of wingman rules to play by (this is many people) will often actually act as obstacles when they come over and enter your set. Men have a built in drive to compete with other men for the attention of attractive women, and this often kicks in with wings who haven't worked hard to overcome it. THis means you actually often find yourself getting AMOD'd by wings, or at least sparing with the wing for the girls' attention. Girls pick up on this, and it shifts the power dynamic in their favour.

Bishop6 · 2010-04-16T21:32:49+00:00

Pretty much the same way you get over AA in the beginning. You stop thinking about it and just do it.

When I'm out with a friend or in a group, I'm opening sets by myself most of the time anyway, so once you open it's really not all that different. Even if you commonly open with a friend by your side, you're still the one opening. Your friend is just standing there, perhaps to give you moral support or pick up if you run out of things to say. But one guy pulls the trigger and actually opens.

Really the hardest part is getting out of the house and into a scene. Once you're there by yourself, your only options are to open or sit awkwardly in the corner nursing a drink. If you've been practicing, the latter should feel unacceptable to you. Try warming up by chatting people up on the way to the venue. After your first 2-3 sets you start to get in state and things begin to flow.

After all, where's the harm in screwing up anyway? No one you know is around to watch you crash and burn, and if you botch the set, you'll never see them again, so who cares. I've actually had my best successes while going out alone. Practice, practice, practice.

ZebraSafari · 2010-04-17T01:41:02+00:00

I am from overseas (England) wen I first moved to the US (rock on) I knew no one here. I went out on my own for a bit and now some of the people I met are still my friends. Plus when you start talking to a group be honest and that third girl in the group is the one you will go home with. Now cheers it is Friday go get a beer and have fun.

2010-05-08T12:10:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Solo
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	16
Date	April 16, 2010 8:49 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bs050/solo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/solo.1310162 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310162

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