Some post-date beginner questions

wolfie1010 · 2013-06-13T14:01:07+00:00

This would be a better /r/askseddit post, but I'll go ahead and answer it.

Is it ok that I tend to start with an intellectual conversation? I think women might get a bit bored because I'm not showing an exciting side, but it takes some time for me to feel comfortable.

It's fine, but 2 things

a) You need to be passionate about what you are talking about.

b) It depends what you are looking for. If you are looking for compatibility long term, frame it as if you are qualifying her. You are illustrating that you want a girl who is smart and think about things from a point of reason. Nothing wrong with that because it is what you are interested in. By qualifying her, you will weed out the girls that you are not interested in. However, if you are wanting an f-close, calibrating to her might be a better bet. Don't get me wrong, qualification is very powerful, but only if you calibrate it to something that will resonate with her. I would be weary of qualifying a woman on her intellectual prowess if my overall goal is just to sleep with her. It is very high risk, high reward.

What does it mean when she leans away when we kiss? If I stop, she re-initiates it, so I guess either I'm just kissing too deep, or she's wanting me to grab her and pull her in, or ..?

You have to break off all kissing. You lead she follows. "If I stop, she re-initiates it" Exactly! You want to be pulling her in, not the other way around. Was this happening at a bar or club? If so it could answer your next question. You pull away first and say, "Not here, I don't want to make the other girls jealous." This insinuates that you are going to continue later somewhere else.

How do I play getting her back to my place? My way was so blatant. It didn't work.

Going back to a girls place is tricky. If the sexual energy is built all the way up and you are ready to rip off each others clothes then it is easy. If you need more time to sexually escalate and can't go to your place, I suggest an indirect justification. Start planning this from the middle of the conversation, and find a logistical hook that will get you back to her place, be it an album she has/ a movie/ a food she makes/ hot tub/ etc. At the end of the night suggest this logistical hook back to her. "Hey, let's go to your place and watch that movie/ jump in the hot tub/ listen to that album/ etc. However, the easiest way is to be halfway undressed by the time your in the cab.

Can I ask her how it went? I'd love her feedback, but it might seem needy or insecure.

No. Unless you are done with her. When I was just starting game, I would travel to surrounding areas to defeat my AA. For two days, after an interaction I would re-approach and was extremely vulnerable. You would be surprised how many women told me what I did right and wrong once I re-approached them. I'll never see them again and they probably had a great laugh about it at the bar that night. I recommend it for the women you will never see again if you are really looking for feedback, but not for a date. It's a big NO!

If I arrive first, is it ok/normal for me to get my drink first while I wait? Then sit there while she gets hers?

It's weird if you don't. If you are going to a bar, go in and socialize with the patrons. Once your lady friend gets there she will be impressed with your social skills, and it will have warmed you up with some nice, easy conversation.

I blush like fucking CRAZY until I'm totally comfortable with her. Any tips on this?

Beats me man. That's just a part of life. Own it.

2013-06-14T00:47:57+00:00

don't start with an intellectual convo. just small talk. the VIBE of your interaction is what is more important. be charming - be positive and the the convo be about HER some of the time. just be comfortable with whatever your talking about. the content doesn't matter at all.

as with the rest, just do whatever you want, and do it unapolagetically. don't seek her approval, or validation. you are enough. she's not better than you.

frasier_crane · 2013-06-13T15:46:24+00:00

1- No, I don't think an intellectual approach is the right one, as no one goes on a date with an intellectual interest, although it is good if some of these matters pop up during the date. Be funny, relax and be yourself, and don't talk about themes that your couple may not be aware of, as your field of expertise. Talk about what you like, what you do in your time, what you are passionate about but with a low profile so she can follow in case you are up to intellectual stuff. Unless you both share a field of expertise.

2- Kisses have to be soft, this is not a Casablanca-like movie. Grab her smoothly by the waist and kiss her slowly and (again) smoothly.

3- If she wants to go to your place, no matter how you say it, she'll accept. Tell her to come for a drink, that's a classic and it always works. I once asked a girl if she wanted to come to my place to have sex. She said, but it was too obvious she was asking for it.

4- You don't need to ask for feedback, you'll get it in the next days. Talk to her casually and see how she reacts to you, your presence, your moves... No need to actually ask about sexual performance or how the date went, her behaviour will tell you soon.

5 It is ok for you to drink until she comes. Then just ask her what she's drinking when she finally arrives.

6 About blushing, I now more than anyone here. I have a skin problem called rosacea which makes my skin blush with the smallest of the uncomfortable situations. There is not much you can do about it in the short term, as it's a matter of self-confidence. Build your self-confidence, do not drink too much alcohol and be assertive, not dominant. She wants to feel safe, so do not show doubt, show her you are a confident guy able to make decissions. Be always kind, but do not respond with an "I don't know" to questions like what to do next, where to have dinner, etc. Confidence. Even if it's fake.

NotAnotherPUA · 2013-06-13T18:43:06+00:00

Absolutely do not ask for feedback unless you never want to see her again. No matter what, assume it went well, don't make excuses for anything you did.

Read the sidebar again on being alpha right before your next interaction.

charliedouglas123 · 2013-06-14T14:07:59+00:00

A lot of folk have already answered this but you second last point.

Imagine you were going for drinks with friends. Would you sit at a bar without a drink or would you go and get one?

If you want a drink, go and buy a drink.

Methaxetamine · 2013-06-14T18:28:16+00:00

Most guys do not know how to date. They know how to hookup with a girl, find similar interests, and then see if they can be more than just fucking all the time.

I for one do not know how to date, and have never. I would call it a monogamous fuck buddy who mostly hated me and did not appreciate most things I did rather than sex and taking care of her when she was drunk. But you can hear my advice too.

1 Do you get hard from hearing science? Lets hope she does. Can you be sexy without smart? Or can you be smart without sexy?

2 She doesn't want to. Shes a tease.

3 She didn't want to, girls aren't stupid. They either want to or don't no matter how obvious. You can't 'trick' her.

4 Sure, if you plan to never see her again.

5 Thats like asking how you can stop your boner.

kingcal · 2013-06-15T05:51:03+00:00

I've asked girls about what they thought of dates, but a couple weeks/a month later.

As far as how to get her home, most of the time a "Let's get out of here," will suffice. Everyone in the world knows what you're saying. If she declines or gives an excuse, ignore it and keep going. Bring it up again a little bit later after you've done some more escalating.

justGottaSay · 2013-06-13T13:40:53+00:00

I'll start with I'm not a girl. So I can only help with some.

You can try grabbing her during the kiss, quite a few girls really like it. Where to grab? I like back of the head as unsexy as it sounds.
I dont know about asking her feedback, I think many girls would think it was cute of you to ask and many still would just calmly tell you "it was fine, you were [positive adjective]". But, I wouldn't really recommend asking her opinion on you, its better to figure out after a longer period of time.

Title	Some post-date beginner questions
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	57
Comments	27
Date	June 13, 2013 1:31 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1g9ldo/some_postdate_beginner_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/some-post-date-beginner-questions.1304877 https://theredarchive.com/post/1304877

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