A rich man does not have to tell you that he is rich. Bragging about anything makes you look insecure. Do not brag about your accomplishments, paycheck, car, the past women you have dated or how intelligent you are. Instead of appearing as someone of value, you come off as an insecure person who is actively touting his achievements in what is likely a preemptive attempt to overcompensate for unseen faults.

When you are actively trying to impress someone, you are communicating to them that your sense of self-worth comes from an external source. You feel that others must be made aware of your status, wealth or intellect, so that they will treat you with the respect and distinction which you feel that you deserve. It means that for you to feel confident, you must have your past accomplishments acknowledged. There is a difference between bragging and discussing with passion the things that you are proud of. The latter is preferable. If you really want to tell of an accomplishment, do so by either bring up the accomplishment indirectly in the course of telling a story or having someone else mention it about you.

Otherwise, you will come off as being reaction seeking. Reaction seeking is when you do or say something not from a place of honesty, but because you desire a particular response or reaction from another person. Normally, the sought after reaction is a sign of approval. An example being when a man uses self-deprecating humor to make others laugh at his own expense. Clearly such a joke is said not for one’s own enjoyment, but to solicit a reaction from others. We have previously already touched on reaction seeking in regards to when one barters for attention. In this case, you are seeking a positive response for the drink, compliment, or favor you provided. Reaction seeking can even be present in the tone of your voice or the pause after a statement in which you are hoping to hear some form of approval.

Women can tell when you are reaction seeking and actively trying to solicit admiration from them. This behavior communicates to women that you are insecure and need their attention and approval. It tells a woman that you find it more important that she approves of you than you do trying to have an honest conversation. By seeking a woman’s approval, you give her permission to define you and your worth. Do not be willing to sacrifice your own personal integrity for what others think of you. Do not try to impress, but express. Express yourself honestly and give others the opportunity to get to know the real you.

Trying to impress someone and being reaction seeking are symptoms of the broader need that you feel that you must qualify yourself to others. This need shows up in both you trying to qualify yourself in general, as well as qualify your individual beliefs, desires, actions and words. Below are some examples of the unattractive trait of qualifying oneself.

  • If you feel that you must explain and defend every decision that you make to others.

  • If your first response to a woman disagreeing with you is to immediately retract your statement because you are afraid of upsetting her.

  • If a woman tells you that she hates your favorite musician, and you feel that you must justify your personal taste to her.

  • If a woman dismisses an advance from you, and you respond by profusely apologizing, instead of respecting her decision while simultaneously remaining unashamed of your desire.

Directly qualifying yourself to a woman only further puts you into the frame of you being the seller and she the buyer. This frame should be avoided as much as possible. In situations where a woman finds you attractive, she may begin qualifying herself to you. If you hear the women start name/accomplishment dropping, this is a good sign. This means that she views you as having value and wants you to view her as being your equal. Women experience the act of qualifying themselves as a form of investment. Through qualification, they feel that they have worked to earn your approval. It is very important to leave room in a conversation for a woman to invest in one form or another. Women want to feel like that they have won you over, and that getting to be with you is their reward. People always appreciate more that which they have earned.

Excerpt from book Fundamentals of Female Dynamics by Michael Knight