Techniques/habits to build self confidence?

DaydreamingMister · 2021-09-14T19:10:59+00:00

I liked these words from another commenter about developing confidence:

1 Get the negative voice in your head out of your head. I'm convinced that negative self-talk and obsessive ruminations lie at the core of a lack of self-confidence. That voice that tells you everyone thinks bad about you, you're not good enough, you're not...whatever, that voice is NOT you. It's the enemy. When you hear that voice, tell it to shut up and get out. I mean that literally. Verbally tell that voice to shut up. Let your positive voice, or curious voice, or observant voice replace it. Anything but that voice. It HAS TO DIE!

2 Accept your own death. This takes time, but it is essential. You are not going to live forever. And death is a real, tangible thing, not just some fantasy that will happen in the distant future. Your clock is ticking down to nothing and there's no stopping it. So is the clock of the people you love. You'll watch your parents die. Your grandparents. Your friends. They will be terrified, or in pain, or despondent. This WILL happen and nothing you say, think, or do can stop it. You must accept this as a truism and think of it whenever you can. And then accept that everything dies. Your happiness. Your pain. Your friendships. Your memories. All of it. Think of this too.

3 Decide what you want your life to be. Once your inner voice is strong, and you know that all you have will leave you, you can choose what you want for yourself. If you are lucky enough to have a death bed, it is only your life you will look back upon. What anyone else thinks, does, or has will play no part in that. Did you find love? Did you enjoy your career? Did you see that beautiful place in the world? Did you satisfy your desires? Only you can answer these questions, and more importantly, only you can decide what questions matter to you.

4 Know Yourself. Are you prone to anger? Have low emotional intelligence? Need a woman's desire to feel whole? Are a terrible person but want to be better? Only you can know these things. Integrity is looking at yourself, and the world, without blinders, and knowing both your strengths and failings. This is hard, and hard to distinguish from that negative voice. But a true, objective understanding of the self, without judgment, is essential. Without it you are living a lie, and confidence must come from reality, not fantasy.

Once you do these things, you won't have confidence, but you will be confident. What I mean is, confidence isn't really a feeling by itself. Confidence is knowing yourself for what you really are, good and bad, knowing your desires, and living your life as you see fit. You aren't acting with confidence as much as you are acting with purpose and ignoring anything else. Even if the entire world thinks you're an imbecile, your sense of self and purpose will remain unchallenged and unmoved.

Having confidence doesn't mean you act like you have confidence and is not an end goal in itself. Confidence is a symptom of a greater, complete sense of self.

3sBoards · 2021-09-14T18:27:22+00:00

Med school at 19 is very impressive...Done with all your pre-med? Anyways you need to concentrate on whatever schoolwork is coming...going to the gym is smart . Eat good...I would expect you wont have to to anything to attract women the further along you get towards graduating

OneThousandYardStare · 2021-09-14T22:15:46+00:00

Going solely off your post I think that in order to address your problem you'll have to lend proper consideration to the idea that accomplishments, from which you seek to derive self confidence, don't necessarily hold any intrinsic value. I want to preface this by saying that I'm not taking away from your accomplishments or belittling them, these are obviously impressive achievements and you should take pride in them. What I am trying to say, and excuse me because I'm going to get rather philosophical (I'll follow it up with some practical advice as well), is that actions, possessions, accomplishments, anything really is only endowed with meaning and value by people. We as a society decide that being accepted into an elite medical school is a valuable accomplishment. You may rebut "but becoming a doctor means I can save people's lives" to which I'll point out that we have also assigned value to human life. Philosophically speaking nothing is endowed with objective value.

I say that because I want you to start considering the primacy of being valued by people, being valued by society. No accomplishment in and of itself has that that. Often we think that they that but the truth is that its the regard from people that makes something meaningful.

Keeping that in mind I'd like you to take stock of your interpersonal accomplishments. How many meaningful friendships do you have? Do you have a thick and dense social network? Do the people in that network trust you and love you? Do a lot of people hold you in high regard? Getting into medical school will give you confidence that if you are faced with an anatomy test you'll be able to do well but its counterproductive to try and find confidence about who you are as a person, your interpersonal confidence, in those sorts of accomplishments.

If i can I'd like to examine some word choices that you used:

"Considering guys who have achieved much less than me have much more self confidence also frustrates me a lot"

And listen, up front this might sound pedantic, and I may very well be reading into simply a poor word choice and getting a false impression, but the way you've worded this frames your relationship to other guys as adversarial, a competition. This is a toxic notion that will corrode your interpersonal relationships, destroy your personal fulfilment and prevent you from being romantically successful. I know it sound saccharine but you should be happy for other peoples' success. You should want the best for them. That is the essence of alpha. In dogs alpha is about aggression, strength and coercion but in humans its very different. The title of alpha is given by and with the consent of the group. They will look up to and respect the person who they think has their and the group's interests at heart, Someone who cares about them and wants good things for them. Someone who is competent that they can trust with the authority that's inherent in the position of Alpha.

If you want confidence you need to start working on your interpersonal relationships and building a robust social network. You need to be held in high esteem by your peers through sheer virtue of who you are as a person and not what you've accomplished. When people like you, when they regard you highly, they will give you positive feedback and reassurances that will instill confidence in you. If you fail, if you falter, if you come up short in some way you will have confidence that your friends and loved ones will be there to help you and pick you back up. You'll be confident because your self worth isnt tied to whether or not a girl rejects you or whether or not you pass an exam or how much money you make. These things can all go south but you'll still be respected and admired, and thats because people admire who you are as a person.

Start making friends, meeting people, generally being a good person. You'll get invited to more parties. When you're at those parties people will laugh at your jokes, want your attention, ask to be your beer pong partner. Girls will notice this. They'll notice the esteem in which you are held by the group. When determining your social value they often export that evaluation to the group. They use this almost subconscious heuristic because its safe to assume the group as a whole knows more about you and your worth than she does alone, especially if shes just meeting you. Humans are infinitely complex and this is a type of useful shortcut that helps them to make wise decisions in the face of such great complexity. Get your social value up.

If you have a bunch of people in your corner who care about you and like you for who you are then you'll have the confidence to do more than you can imagine.

I know this sounds kind of blithe or Pollyanna-ish but its actually good practical advice. Usually I'm the first one to discourage people from looking to movies for advice but in this case I think you'd benefit from watching van wilder. The movie is mediocre at best but the character they are trying to show you does actually contain an important lesson. He is outrageously popular and admired not because hes the captain of the football team or because he's super rich (as is the case in so many movies that portray a popular guy). People love him and admire him because he cares about and helps others. Tap into the van wilder, ferris bueller energy brother.

Confidence is bestowed upon us by the admiration of our peers.

justeatsandvches · 2021-09-15T01:04:08+00:00

Look into Models by Mark Manson

if you want to just to get the answer quickly I'd say look up a summary of the book

Title	Techniques/habits to build self confidence?
Author	skillguysteak
Upvotes	20
Comments	5
Date	September 14, 2021 5:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/po7klg/techniqueshabits_to_build_self_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/techniqueshabits-to-build-self-confidence.1276117 https://theredarchive.com/post/1276117

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