The bar life

recyclablebanthas · 2019-03-21T03:34:13+00:00

TL;DR: I break down your interaction with the girl a bit, though you mentioned little, provide a breakdown of the issues with bars, and provide an alternative that might solve your issue.

1

This past weekend (St. Patrick’s Day), a girl bumped into me and I told her she looked familiar. She asked me if my name was focuswalker, and I said yes. We chatted about how we’ve talked on dating apps before, and then she took my phone and put her number in my contacts. She said we should get coffee.

How was the conversation, in your estimation?
What did you talk about with her?
How long was the interaction?

2

I ended up texting her when I was sober and got nothing.

When did you text her?

What exactly did you text her?

By "got nothing," I'll assume you mean that she just didn't answer at all.

3

This sort of thing happens often, I am assuming because everyone is drinking. It’s exhausting, but it’s becoming a cycle that I do not like.

It could be the drinking. It comes with the territory. It's the same with any place you could find that attracts a regular group of people.

You'll be more likely to run into certain kinds of people at those places
You'll find them in certain frames of mind at those particular places, that might not be true in other places.

See, in high school and college, we have it "easy," in terms of meeting different kinds of people, because the ubiquitousness of those places leads to a variety of different people exposed to each other, and the situations are often casual.

Versus going to a bar, which usually involves a particular kind of person, often in a certain kind of mindset:

Looking to have fun
Looking to forget their problems
Substance abusers
Subscribing to some form of culture present at that bar, like mainstream culture at a sports bar, etc.

It often takes a while to realize how the options have changed, often because, in the US at least, we're so focused on finally being allowed to drink legally, that we don't notice what the shift in venues does to the mindsets of everyone there or in what people are attracted to those places. We don't realize the limitations this has on all the interactions we have. And as college graduates, that can lead to a serious lack in diversity as far as the sorts of people we encounter or what frame of mind those people are in.

Long story short: Bars and clubs turn the dating pool into a bit of a meat grinder and everyone knows it. One might not necessarily be casual sex oriented when one goes to a club or bar, but knowing that many other people are usually not going there with a serious relationship mindset, shifts the bulk of the people who go there, into casual mindsets or resigned casual mindsets.

4

I’m feeling lonely this evening, and I’m starting to feel like I need a dog to keep me company, or to somehow magically meet a girl somewhere.

It's not magic, really! The problem is in ONLY going to bars. You can keep going to them and it could be fine, in doses. But add some variety, man! For your own sanity, seek out something different to add to the mix.

Hash runs: Trail running + beer + fit people = win
Couchsurfing meets: The basic idea around these meets is: Hang with travelers and people who like to be around travelers. There are a lot of informal couchsurfing groups and some paid membership websites (like this one). But if you find couchsurfing groups on FB, it's free.
Social partner dancing: Salsa, Lindy Hop, West Coast Swing, Argentine Tango, just to name a few. You really can't go wrong. Learn something fun and have an excuse to be close to a girl in a fun and non-threatening way. (Just respect it as an activity & means to meet new people and work on self-improvement first, and place to meet women second.)
Download the Meet-up app. Scan for groups near you that you share an interest with.
Do a Facebook search for your city/town/area. Look under the Groups and Events tabs. Or you might search your city + some activity you're specifically interested in.

5

I needed to get this off my chest, and it seems like I have no one to tell it to, so I decided to post it here.

It's perfectly normal to feel what you're feeling right now. Especially if you have no reliable social circles right now. But there are ways to create these things for yourself (which I outlined above) so you have options and then when you have a night to yourself, it's actually nice, instead feeling like a loser. (Which you aren't.)

NewWhackSeason · 2019-03-21T01:21:38+00:00

I have received over 40 numbers from the bars scene. Tried all kinds of stuff to ensure i get a response but i never did. Turns out it makes sense why it won't work out:

When she's at the bar, her main goal is to have fun. She is there to have fun that night, the next day she is in a different mood. Back to her usual boring life. Whatever impact you had earlier is forgotten.
You aren't the only guy who hits on her that night. Usually for every 10 guys, there are only 5 girls in that scene. She definitely has more abundance than you.
She spent 2 hours dressing up make up etc, argued with her female friends who had last minute thoughts of cancelling to still go out and took out the time to go in a social event - is she craving social interaction the most when she is at bar or next morning at 9 AM when she is checking her emails from work?

123lowkick · 2019-03-20T23:35:04+00:00

They aren't looking for sober. They're looking for late night fun.

TheAnon1996 · 2019-03-21T03:42:24+00:00

You need to create an experience in the bar that will create an emotional response in them that will trigger the next time they see you. You can also call upon this emotional response by texting an inside joke you set up for them.

justinbeef · 2019-03-21T08:27:37+00:00

Should have escalate it up when you met her at the bar (alcohol helps). I guess u missed the boat, so till next time when u bump into her again.

Title	The bar life
Author	focuswalker
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	March 20, 2019 11:30 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b3j5jv/the_bar_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-bar-life.1464697 https://theredarchive.com/post/1464697

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