I spent years understanding how sexual interest and attraction worked. Learning that connection was much larger than I had originally understood it to be. But this is the post about how it's easy to have sex without a connection. For a man who writes about self love and finding healthy emotional connections and avoiding validation seeking, this was a breakthrough I didn't anticipate having. Nevertheless, I'm sharing it.

It's not uncommon on a date to realize I don't have a deep interest in the woman. She may not have one in me. I am presenting a vibe and communicating a kind of relationship she knows she isn't interested in. So why is it we are almost certain to still sleep with each other?

The short answer is: being sexually viable is a kind of curiosity. And women are on occasion (regularly) hungry for a compelling sexual experience. Everyone knows sex is better when there is connection. But when there isn't a deep spark, there can still be authenticity. There can still be vulnerability (simply being what you really are and showing it, not suppressing it). In other words, you can still be trustworthy (be what you say you are, do what you say you will do).

When you don't force it, when you don't LIE and act like there's some huge connection between you and the woman because you think that is what she wants even though you aren't feeling that way, your chances of having sex together remain high if you're otherwise sexually viable.

If you have a sexual vibe - what some folks call male female frame - and you don't pretend to care when you don't, you don't dramatically reduce your chance for sex with many women.

The power of curiosity is high. So is the power of a man who doesn't NEED her, so is a man who is confident he knows how to treat her, and what she will like.

Critics might say "that's just casual sex" and that this is obvious. Intellectually it's obvious, but it was a huge mental breakthrough for me to understand the emotional and sexual dynamics behind casual sex. Understanding casual sex helped me to understand sex that comes from various connections. Casual sex is a big part of the sexual dialogue between men and women that you will come to understand as you gain insight and confidence.

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