I've been struggling, Seddit. I've done nearly everything people here say we should do except for one thing: I won't ask girls out. I'll be the social, fun, good-looking/friendly guy, and I'll be outwardly a winner in every single way . . . but inside, I can't deal with myself, and I can't deal with failure.

Looking at me, you might think I'm "hot shit". I'm confident and friendly and smart, and you'd think I have no problem with women. But I've only ever been with one woman, and that's a confidence-killer to an inwardly weak man who needs validation. It's probably no surprise that I look good in public, and drink and struggle with depression and my own. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and I've struggled with rejection from women, and it's caused me to not ever want to get rejected again.

I'm a college student in MI, and this morning I was eating breakfast in the dining hall at my university. I had my headphones in, and I had my headphones in and was enjoying a podcast while eating on one of the barstools facing the window. At one point, I was aware that there was a person a couple seats down on the left who glanced in my direction then back ahead to the window. I looked in their direction, thought I recognized them, and then took out my headphones and asked "hey, do I know you?" I really thought I did, but this girl answered "No, I don't think so." But it didn't matter. We talked, and she was clearly nervous and interested in me. Read /r/fPUA sometime, gents, and you'll be able to empathize with a girl who's nervous because she likes a guy, like this girl did. We had a nice talk, but part of me was held back because I honestly felt down or depressed or like I was holding part of myself back. I was into her, but the fact that I could tell she was in to me took all the pressure off me.

Eventually, we finished breakfast and and I put my hand on her shoulder, smiled, and said "Genna, it was nice meeting you." And that was it. Five mins later in my dorm room, I couldn't believe I had just let things end like that. Of course I want to date girls and have sex, but why the hell did I not do anything to pull the trigger when I had a golden opportunity?

I can't tell you exactly all the things that happened in my head that day. I went to class, went to discussion, and thought about all the girls I wanted to ask out but couldn't. I saw the girl that flaked on me two weeks ago, and all the feelings of rage and disappointment in myself bubbled up the top again. I thought about how I had a fear of failure, a fear that paralyzed me. So I went back to my room, poured another vodka and apple juice, and tried to fight off the thoughts of "why don't I just kill myself?"

In my tipsy state that I started Googling every damn thing that came to mind. At one point I found a book review on a book called "The Up Side of Down", a economics book about how failure is not only acceptable, but natural and should be embraced. It was there I read the line “Since we cannot succeed simply by not failing, we should stop spending so much energy trying to avoid failure or engineer it away. Instead, we should embrace it — smartly.”

No words have ever had a more stark impact on me in five minutes. This was the catalyst I needed to convince myself that I could overcome my fear of failure. I found Genna from breakfast on Facebook, and asked for her number. I don't know whether or not she'll respond, but I'll be ok either way.

Now as I sit here, I very much hope I can inspire some hope in my fellow men ( and women). Now I will wake up tomorrow knowing I don't hold the same fear of failure. Perhaps it only took a short quote from a book, but those words were my tipping point to make myself realize the mental shift: that my life will not be goverened by fear.

This was written with all the humility I have to offer. Embarressing details were intentionally included to make it more relatable to the countless people struggling with the harsh realties of love and life on a daily basis. My only hope is that my ramblings provide inspiration to you. Go, and do not fear failure, because you cannot avoid it no matter how hard you try! Instead, fail early and often.