'This guy clearly has no idea what he's doing...'

Siph3nX · 2011-11-18T16:20:52+00:00

The wolf doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep.

Big_Timber · 2011-11-18T17:57:11+00:00

Sorry to hear this.

Clear your mind, son. You and a woman spending time together is the most natural thing in the world, so be natural. Go with the flow, and live in the moment. There is no future, there are no plans, there are no guarantees.

Everything should be natural and just flow, as simply and uncomplicated as water downstream. The water knows exactly what it is and it knows what it wants to do. You should be as solid in your knowledge of who you are as the water is, then you know how to approach each interaction in a way that is comfortable to you, and then there is no discomfort.

Whether it be opening a door for her, putting on your favorite music, making a joke, or getting her a glass of water. There is nothing unnatural about those situations, there should be no reason to feel nervous because you are doing in it your own way, and you are being your own person, not trying to be someone else.

And who says you need to feel comfortable going to clubs where you can't hear anyone?? That sucks and I'll be the first person to say, "No, that shit sucks, lets go somewhere else."

And secondly, the dates that I have been on I can say that thoughts of other people judging me have never, for a second, popped into my mind. I was too focused on how much I enjoyed being with this amazing woman and be in a position to assert myself and treat her to a magical evening. She came here with ME, after all, because she likes ME and wants to get to know who I am. This goes hand in hand with the above.

BearJew · 2011-11-19T20:41:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Zuflux · 2011-11-18T15:53:33+00:00

Advice- Calm your shit.

Even if people people are laughing at you, why do you care? You're with a pretty girl and they aren't. And if they are, they don't care about what you're doing.

Make some thoughtful observations and get conversation going instead of thinking about how innate you are.

RedErin · 2011-11-18T18:12:14+00:00

The fear tries to sneak in and ruin our fun in lots of different ways. Everyone will need some strategies to counter it. Learning to calm yourself, and/or get yourself into state is needed.

Just remember that when this happens, you can control it. It may seem overpowering now, but with enough practice, you will learn to keep it in check.

For me, if I feel some anxiety coming on, I'll immediately start smiling, and start thinking a positive mantra, something like "I'm the boss!" Or remembering some awesome thing that happened to me.

Remember that you're in charge of what goes on in your mind. Nothing goes on in there without your permission. So that fear can fuck right off.

Epoh · 2011-11-18T18:49:34+00:00

Im controlled by this as well and can sometimes push myself beyond it because of 1 small fact. What you are experiencing, does not put you in isolation. I suffered from social phobia to the point where i would panic walking out my front door let alone a bar with friends. EVERYONE feels nervous and anxious over something, its part of what being human is all about. Wen you look around you and start to realize that people are controlled by their fear and let it control them whether its people on the subway staring at their shoes avoiding eye contact or friends wussing out of going to talk to a girl. When you accept its a part of living, you start to realize that its miniscule and that there is no reason to be nervous because everybody else is in the same boat. If you keep that in mind, then youll come across comfortable and interesting. Te brain cannot think when its panicking.

Next time you feel closed off and can tell your starting to shut down because of your fear, try to do something that will make you scared. I know its scary but if you realize what ive told you above it wont be quite so bad and you will feel phenomenal. Practice by doing something odd in public places like bobbing your head noticably to music or lip syncing a song. Let people stare at you, and when you notice them looking, keep going. Youll feel like a badass. Trust me.

Dr_Colossus · 2011-11-18T21:03:08+00:00

You need to work on your inner game and not giving a fuck. Good Luck.

rjbman · 2011-11-18T19:30:34+00:00

I realize you feel like everyone else is watching, but how often do you go out and just start watching other people? No, you spend time with the people you're with.

No one cares; and even if they did you'll probably never see them again. Ignore them and focus on your girl.

Quattra · 2011-11-19T19:13:20+00:00

There is alot of good advice in this thread about different modes of thinking so here's mine in regards to the issue of gradually increasing nervousness(fear):

You're thinking you're nervous, and your body starts tightening, shaking. Your Physiology is mirroring your Psychology. When you become aware that you 'feel like you're getting more nervous because you look like you're nervous' you have to acknowledge it and change your state. If you were skilled enough, you'd fire off an anchor.

Just like your Physiology mirrored your Psychology, the opposite can happen as well. Your body and mind do this mirroring of each other to increase continuity and increase awareness.

It's like if you were to go for a run. If you just woke up, put your shoes on and ran out the door, your run wouldn't start out very pleasently. Your feet and legs hurt almost immediately, you can't keep a steady pace, less breath, etc. It takes a while longer to really get moving. Whereas, if you put your shoes on, start stretching and think about your paces and where you want to run, drink some water, etc. Your body and mind are spending all this extra time thinking together and working in tandem.

Anyway, what you need to do is decide what your default state for being in public is. Think about yourself being able to deal with any bad vibes people give and just shrug it off. Think about always being able to keep conversation and being a guy people want to talk to. And all the other things that you love about your self.

And while you think about it, sit up straight, good posture but very relaxed. Easy going. Relax your neck and your face and just chill man. The idea is that we want your cool dude self to be associated with sitting up this way so that when you do it, you can truly relax and have fun and care not because you don't have anywhere to be and you still don't have time for people's shit.

The next time you're feeling nervous, think 'How would the body of Awesome-Me be positioned right now. Show your psychology what your physiology wants.

stopjudgingmee · 2011-11-20T12:24:29+00:00

Thanks for all the replies, really appreciate the help you guys are giving me. I never really labeled my social anxiety so i guess its nice to slap a label on it, I guess you've gotta know what you're up against in order to beat it.

I'm looking forward to trying some of the techniques suggested, the general theme seems to be mind over matter. Round 1, let's do this.

Title	'This guy clearly has no idea what he's doing...'
Author	stopjudgingmee
Upvotes	21
Comments	13
Date	November 18, 2011 3:45 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mgzrl/this_guy_clearly_has_no_idea_what_hes_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/this-guy-clearly-has-no-idea-what-hes-doing.1325010 https://theredarchive.com/post/1325010

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