I recently moved to an area i'd call "Advanced" in terms of the dating scene. My perspective comes from the mid-late 20's. This post is for the less extraordinary because i have had a lot of exposure recently. To both experienced and less experienced brothers, with some relative success (and failures) of my own.

If you fall into this category, being insecure is a deep rooted personality trait that, hopefully you've come to accept by now. If not, this might even be life changing for you.

You're also likely in one of these categories

  • Poor parenting
  • Home schooled
  • An addict to something unhealthy
  • Procrastinator

Never believe when someone tells you that some guys are "naturally gifted" with the ability to get women. First of all, whatever is working for them now will cease to work if they happen to be single by 30.

Secondly, i knew people who were fucking around at age 12. When i was 12 years old i was still not fully aware what sex actually looked like. I had the worst kind of parents, protective when it came to sexual information whilst also withholding any heart to heart on how life actually fucking exists.

Meanwhile, freindo had parents who took no issue in pushing for maximum exposure by the time he were old enough to understand English. At that age it's the equivalent of being a world-class hacker because you're literally one of the few guys who knows that women are especially curious at that age. Guys who were this lucky are bound to have a body count in the hundreds before they're done with high school.

Homeschooling should be illegal. Because not only did you miss out on the aforementioned. But hell, you don't even know what being social is beyond yes and no questions.

Maybe you're an addict to something. In this day and age, its typically video games. I know that i, personally, have invested over 10k hours in video games. Enough to have mastered a valuable skill. Sinking time into an unhealthy addiction puts you on the fast track towards social atrophy. Oh, and it's going to be extremely difficult if not impossible to regain those natural social skills you hopefully developed through childhood.

Perhaps you're a procrastinator. Due to depression or unhealthy distractions. This has put you on the less successful side of society. A fundamental albeit not-a-hopeless disadvantage.

Any of these can put you into this category.

It's hard for people to understand why you are the way you are if they've been on the right track their whole lives. Which, unfortunately for us, is fairly common in the United States. We are, after all, in the country with highest GDP in the world. You're competing with the best of the best.

Are you hopeless?

It would be ignorant to assume otherwise. This is, again, coming from someone who has been in this category their entire life. This post is meant to be realistic.

How do you fix it?

I've been going out for years. Ever since i turned 19. Now i'm 28. I can say that while going out i was already learning from YouTube how to "play the game". Which is, unfortunately, an artificial flavor for your personality. Hell, even if you're on this sub, you're probably so far up your own ass in a fake persona that you've all but forgotten what you really wanted in a meaningful friendship to begin with.

The first step you'll need to take is to find one of these artificial personalities that fits you best. Because right now, you have nothing. The key takeaway here, however, is to ensure that you don't allow yourself to become a pathological liar in the process. Which is something i'm constantly fighting. There were times in the past where i couldn't even be honest with myself.

What about the women?

So here's the deal. As aforementioned, at age 19 i had already begun the process of building a persona. I went through SEVERAL extreme phases of introspection and revisions until i finally found a tweaked version of my core personality that seems to work at least somewhat. Think of me like that kid from the movie A.I. Artificial Intelligence. I'm real but i'm not. I am capable of creating desire, but most of it is still coming from the superficial part of me.

I can't stress enough how important it is to find yourself, your style, your vibe, and how you eb and flow through conversation. Like that child robot; my only real influences have been my peers. I have this big void where all the parenting and social conditioning should be.

It took nearly 10 years of this and i'm still not the complete package, far from it. It still pains me to see the early 20 something year old dudes who have been socially conditioned from the day they spoke English. For those guys, it's really strange to see a dude with girl problems; for them its a matter of selection, not attraction.

How is any of this helpful?

You can be like me and bash your head against the wall until, god-forbid, you start fucking women. Hell, you might even get lucky like i did and fall into a long-term relationship with someone gorgeous. The only issue is that you'll also end up like i did and, it might even take a while. But you're bound to screw that up to if you haven't actually developed yourself. It's inevitable. Because if a girl loves you for the fucking robot that you are, its going to end terribly. This is why the "Don't change and let them come to you" mentality is the dumbest shit to ever come out of a boomers mouth. A challenging scene is good for you, in this sense, because in a way you're being parented by society every time you're rejected rather than being rewarded for your fuck ups. Bare in mind that some of the things you'll need to fix are medical. So be sure to get that shit sorted out asap.

Edit: It's a good thing to fuck women. Unless you're the kind of person who can follow mechanical directions perfectly you're bound to make some really bad mistakes, even if you did research beforehand. That shit is intense, bro.

Fortunately, everyone suffers.

That's right! You're not alone. Even the unicorns with amazing parents run into terrible problems more often than not. Some of them get drug through the dirt so hard that they atrophy into one of us. The good news is that you may just learn enough by the time you figure it out to be far more versatile than they ever will be. But if we're being realistic you'll never figure it out. Not unless you experience some truley heart crushing failures first and have the drive to get back up and try again hundreds, if not thousands of times (yep).

There is no one-size fits all

If there's one thing all of my socialite bros share in common, none of them are even remotely the same. Nor do they resemble anyone else aside from a relative who raised them. No, in fact, they are so incredibly unique and interesting in their own social dynamic that just being around them is a refreshing experience. And if it's refreshing for me, a guy, to be around another guy. Just imagine if i had a vagina! (not really, but you get the point). So before you get lost in the "Technicals of pick-up" lets try and remember that the ultimate goal here is to develop yourself to be the kind of person who can eb-and-flow through your own special vibe. The only truley important "Technicals" are the ones that are considered common sense for the naturally developed and they are as follows.

  • Never put pressure where none is due
  • Bow to no one, especially not a girl you just met
  • Have pride in who you are, realistically speaking

Note: I have literally failed in all of these very frequently, and i still do.

Learn what it really means to love yourself

This doesn't mean you're simply accepting life for what it is. No, it means that no matter what social situation you plug yourself into, you've developed a persona that you'd miss if it weren't there. That if you, now, could look through a crystal ball into the future. You'd say "Wow, that right there is the guy i want to be around all the time" If you can achieve that, rest assured you'll look back and wonder why it was so hard before. You'll be able to easily identify guys who were once just like you, and i'm sure your first instinct will be to help them.

TL;DR: There isn't one because this is for your benefit dummy