Trouble being talked over

intjpua · 2010-04-22T19:16:29+00:00

Your friends have you tagged as "quiet, reserved, beta". This is an indicator of your social importance in their heads. You also have a self-identity when you're with those people, and it is a self-perpetuating thing. You'll behave as they expect you to behave (because you've always done so around them, and so you expect you to behave the same way).

The thing about this is that most people when they try to correct this problem, they respond by being louder and more insistent, without actually being more confident...you become the kid saying, "Mom, watch me!" which is worse than being quiet.

So, getting practice away from that social set may be useful. Get your self-image fixed, and turn your identity into "confident, upbeat, the life of the conversation" and then come back into the old social circle with that new identity.

narcism has some great advice. There are loads of great ways to handle someone interrupting you. I practiced this with solo female friends (who, I now understand, do this as a sort of test of your confidence). I tried out all sorts of ways to call them out on the interrupting, from simple, "OMG do you ever stop talking?", "Were you raised by wolves? I'm talking here.", "Oh, you already know this story/joke/whatever...you tell it. I'm listening."

I would also occasionally stop talking and walk away into another room or whatever, with an, "Oh, well. Nevermind." (This one is actually really effective. I think you'd probably have to really own it, but it's fierce and memorable...and I even found that the girls I used it on would preemptively apologize if they did it again in the future; "OMG, I'm sorry, I just interrupted you again." Girls don't realize they're programmed to do this...so they're shocked when they get called out and realize how much they do it.) But, I've found that usually a simple, "Woman, I'm talking here." or "Shut it. Talking." or "Hey. Me. Talking." while gesturing at my face is enough.

With guys, if they're old friends, you can just punch or slap their shoulder with the back of your hand and say, "Dude. Talking here!" With hands up in a mock offended gesture.

Of course, you should also realize that in a loud, fast conversation, people do sort of shout one another down all the time. It's perfectly normal. Someone remembers a joke, thinks of a funny comeback, wants to poke fun at someone for something they said, etc. Just embrace it, and occasionally be louder and more demanding.

You don't have to always be the ruler of the conversation to be successful, or to be perceived as strong and confident. It's different than cold approaches where you have to be dominant and rule the frame for the first few minutes in order to make things go your way. In a longer conversation, the sceptre passes from person to person throughout, and that's OK.

W1n · 2010-04-22T21:48:26+00:00

Stop telling boring stories

narcism · 2010-04-22T18:40:15+00:00

a) When you do talk, talk louder and be more dominant than you are already. COMMAND attention, goddamnit.

b) When you choose to talk, make sure it's something funny, witty or relevant to the conversation. (tip: if it's highly opionated, people will listen. Eg. Spiderman/Godfather was a fucking terrible movie)

c) With the biggest smile on your face, as joking as possible, when someone interrupts, say "shut up for a second", and then keep talking.

Just my thoughts.

roxxe · 2010-04-22T21:27:36+00:00

practise kino more, talk louder and hit more emotional spikes

2010-04-22T23:16:00+00:00

Generally the advice here is good, add to that working on vocal resonance, projection, and tonality. It's better to not be interrupted because you have their rapt attention than to be a disciplinarian when they do interrupt. Being dominant is only half the equation; you gotta be charming and interesting as well.

2010-04-29T18:25:14+00:00

I get this problem a lot in meetings just with other coworkers.

Title	Trouble being talked over
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	13
Date	April 22, 2010 6:15 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/buqqa/trouble_being_talked_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/trouble-being-talked-over.1307301 https://theredarchive.com/post/1307301

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