Noticing a theme with girls I date and was curious about this communities take, I don't really seem to be getting straight answers elsewhere.

​

I notice when I start dating i am naturally very aloof and this seems to attract women, or at least a certain type of woman, then once we get to know each other and agree to see each other more and I feel safe to open up and start validating them and showing affection they lose interest and withdraw. I'm wondering if there's a calibration issue here and i'm not picking up on things properly or if it's an attachment issue and they're just avoidant and freak out at the prospect of greater intimacy.

​

Eventually they leave me but then seem to reach out with obscure reasons, the only reason i can really think of is they're after validation since when they get it they dissappear again.

​

I learned early on it's really not worth being friends and I make that clear as kindly as possible when they inevitably ask on ending it. Doesn't seem to stop them coming back.

​

The only real theory i have right now is these women have some self esteem issues and miss the validation i was providing but actually have no interest in rekindling things because they have such a low view of themselves the fact that I treat them well they view me as lesser since it doesn't align with their own low opinion of themselves.

​

Is this a common thing in all women or is it a type I am attracting? Do you have any advice on how to deal with these women when they come back? i'm usually open to giving it another shot but i've no interest in a one sided friendship as a validation farm.