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[–]BensonInFL7 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
we have been talking for ages she sent me a text saying that she just wants to be friends
we have been talking for ages
she sent me a text saying that she just wants to be friends
The more that you talk to someone before meeting them the first time, the more they build up a divergent mental picture of you in their head, which doesn't match when you finally meet. Sometimes girls will go with the flow and give you a chance to overcome this, but many times the feelings for the mental image just can't cross over to the real you.
That's why its best to try to meet IRL as soon possible.
-B
[–]TheFreeloader 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Maybe just ask her why she’s suddenly feeling this way.
But either way, I don’t think this really the friendzone. It’s just a bit of resistance you have have to push through. Make her feel comfortable around you again, and escalate when it seems appropriate.
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah see I agree with you but she’s gone really blunt when I did speak with her. I might cut her off for a few weeks and see what happens, do you think this is a good shout?
[–]TheFreeloader 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
No, I think it’s a terrible idea. If this was your first date, she is likely to just forget about you.
I say, just meet up with her again, make her feel good around you, then start escalating. If she calls you out on it and insist on the friend thing (which she probably won’t), you can say something like “oh, I just can’t put it out of my mind how amazing it was kissing with you. You know, it really is hard for me to be around you constantly having this on my mind.” If that’s the frame you take, she can’t really insist on staying in the friendzone. And that way it doesn’t seem like you are coercing her into anything (you just can’t help yourself).
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah but we live like an hour apart mate, so the only reason to be going over to See her would be to meet her and right now she’s being blunt over text. So not sure what to say
[–]TheFreeloader 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, she said she wants to be friends. She’s not much of a friend if she doesn’t want to meet with you. Try to figure out something “friend-like” you can do together. Maybe make some excuse for why you have to go to her area anyway.
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok thanks for the help mate, will figure it out
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When I did ask her why she was suddenly thinking this she said she “expected more” from the first date, even though she was all over me and we got on really well?
[–]WhoamIreally38 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She wanted you to smash, you didn’t. She’s lost interest.
[–]quinnmcd[M] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:
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[–]joelskees -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
It's hard to really determine what could have happened, strong possibility is that when you were together in bed and kissing you didn't take the initiative and escalate the situation so she lost interest but wants to remain friends.
[–]Jpearce123 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
I did try though, she said she doesn’t have sex on first dates so it was weird. We do live around an hour apart from each other and she said she struggles with distance so it may be that. Thing is I really liked the girl and want to get over her ASAP but not sure what to do
[–]Craze220 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
To get over her ASAP cut all contact. Don’t block her or nothing, but don’t go out of your way to interact with her at all. Maybe tell her it’s all or nothing with you. You don’t want to just friends. And leave her alone, if you stop contacting her and she messages you. Than she’s most likely interested in you. Hope this helped you at all
This will almost certainly not lead anywhere other than feeling a bit of petty victory.
This relationship could probably still be salvaged. But it would take a bit more finesse than just giving her the cold shoulder.
[–]Craze220 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Sorry you feel that way. A lot things I’ve read say it’s good to cut contact and move on and not let her actions phase you. And that if she is interested in you she’ll contact you and you’ll be more attractive in her head. You proving that you don’t need her to be happy and that you can move on is attractive. I can send you the link if you want.
Edit: Oh shit, I didn’t mean giving the cold shoulder at all! I meant that just moving on with your life without her and you not contacting her. If she approaches you via text, call, ect. Than it proves that she is attracted in you cause she approached you. I feel this way is better than to just keep chasing her.
[–]TheFreeloader 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Maybe that will make you feel better. But it’s not gonna do anything to get with the girl. Maybe it would be better to start feeling good about doing the best you can to win her, rather than counting up imaginary points in your head for how alpha and attractive you are.
If you always give up at the slightest sign of resistance, you are gonna end up giving up on a lot of relationships that could turned around and gone much further.
[–]Craze220 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one then. You really don’t have to insult me tho. Cause where I’m standing, you’re gonna get friend zoned a shit ton just because you’re the guy that she knows will always be around. I brought facts and you just insulted me for no reason. I was even willing to site my source. That being said, you got a right to your opinion dude. I respect you for not backing down.
[–]TheFreeloader 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The thing is she can’t really put you in the friendzone. You can only do that yourself. You are only in the friendzone when you start acting like a friend around her. If you keep treating her like a potential lover, keep flirting, keep escalating on her, she can’t make you stay in the friendzone. She either has to break off contact with you, or accept you as a potential lover.
[–]Craze220 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Good point. I would like to point out though that through random interviews and online online polls nearly all women admit to having a back-up guy. A guy that they know no matter what, he’ll be there and that she can always go to him. While some of those guys do get in a relationship with her, have sex, and all that. I’m certain that she already has him as a back-up guy, a clutch, a safety net, and so on. And while I’m assuming she does leave him for someone else eventually, or they break up or something. She’ll want him to stay around and continue being the back-up guy. Even if he does “get some” I still consider him as being friend zoned. You are right when saying being friendzoned is a mindset. But I’m my opinion, being a back-up guy is being in the friendzone.
[–]TheFreeloader 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, if you are the back-up guy, you just gotta make her like you enough that you end up as the main guy.
[–]Craze2201 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I respect the mentality!
[–]Jpearce123 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I did that today mate. Very tempting to still message her but have to have some self respect and not go chasing girls! Overall it’s probably given me some confidence. She was a really good looking girl so if I can get with her I can get with anyone haha!
[–]Craze220 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes sir! No guarantee she’ll come back, but Luke you said. Self restraint and self respect. In a way you rejected that rejected cute girl! And if she comes back, well than you seduced her!
[–]Jpearce123 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the help mate
[–]joelskees -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
If you tried and she advised she doesn't have sex on the first date, that does pose a problem. Escalation, doesn't necessarily equate to sex a little more aggression and some heavy petting could have been acceptable. If she saying that the distance of roughly of an hour apart is a problem, you can reassure her that that's not a problem for you, provided it is not a problem.
It sounds like you've got two options, pursue her or forget about her.
Do you think sacking her off for a few months and maybe messaging her later on will work or does that look desperate?
[–]joelskees -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's a slippery slope, if you are interested in her in a romantic manner most people would probably advise to not initiate conversation with her, remain aloof and busy if she reaches out to you. If she doesn't initiate conversation then it's probably safe to assume that she does just want to remain friends at which point you have to make the decision whether or not you want to be her friend.
Ok mate good shout, worst case is nothing comes of it and I’ll get on with my life haha. Will just cut it off and see if she ever messages me.
[–]Bullfrog_Superb 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m going through something really similar bro and just not giving her any of your attention is the best possible option. try your best not to dwell on her too, you could be using that energy for so much better! just continue being the handsome bastard you are, and if she comes back, she comes back! if not, her loss brotha.
[–]Jpearce123 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cheers bro, went on a date today, pretty quick way to get over her haha!
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She has intimacy issues. Her biological drive is out of synch with her psychological drive to control the situation. So she paniced and tried to neutralize her display of affection.
Reel out tons of line. Tons. Let her run away for a while.
It's not over.
[–]Outlikealight123 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't message her or show her any neediness. You can hang around other girls to make her a little jealous. Once she gets jealous or sees your value, she'll reconsider her decision. If she doesn't, it's okay. You just have to move on.
Ideal, think you’re right mate
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[–]BensonInFL7 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WhoamIreally38 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]quinnmcd[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]joelskees -1 points0 points1 point (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 1 point2 points3 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]Craze220 1 point2 points3 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Craze220 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Craze220 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 3 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Craze220 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheFreeloader 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Craze2201 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Craze220 -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]joelskees -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]joelskees -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bullfrog_Superb 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Outlikealight123 -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Jpearce123 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link