I mean not all of us but certainly a big majority of men and me included. I've been guilty of tellling people in the past things like "Dude, never be vulnerable with ur girl, she will lose attraction for you" and "pretty much every guy that does this loses his girl from my observation". And ye, it's true that more often than not women lose interest in the guy. However, where i was wrong is in blaming it on vulnerability, cuz we are here to evolve and understand things better, so allow me to iluminate you.

U see, the problem is that most guys don't have a fucking clue how to express emotions without making it a burden for the woman they are with. All of us have been conditioned from a very early age that our feelings are a problem, a nuisance, a weakness that we need to either strip away, repress or fix right away, rather than something to sit with. Whenever we have expressed feelings in our lives, it has gotten shut down or punished very quickly by everyone around us.

Son: "I am depressed"

Dad: "Go get a job, you won't have time to be depressed. When i was your age I had not time to be deppresed"

Son: "cries"

Mom: "Stop crying or I'll give you a real reason to cry about"

Guy: "A woman rejected so I’m really sad"

Friend: "Dude get over it, go have sex with someone else"

Boy: "That makes me upset"

School friends: "Stop being a cry-baby", "it's not that serious". "don't be such a pussy", "you can't take a joke"

Boyfriend: "Are we okay? I'm feeling insecure because you seem distant, you take so much time to reply now"

Girlfriend: "Ugh, you are so insecure, i need space,... (proceeds to lose attraction)"

Man: "I want to have sex"

Some chic: "Ugh you guys are disgusting, all you want want sex, that's all you care"

Man: Can't help looking at a woman's cleavage

Hot woman: "My eyes are up here dude... so disrespectful"

So, eventually men learn that they need to repress their feelings because every time they express them it seems to annoy or upset everyone around them. They simply learn it's not safe to do it. But this is inhumane, we feel emotions for a reason. We can't pretend to be fucking soulless robots that apparently feel nothing at all. Seems unfair, something is missing.

So how to express your feelings of vulnerability without turning off your wife or girlfriend.

Let me start by showing you how not to express vulnerability which is usually how most men who don't know any better do it. For example, you are insecure because you just lost your job and the labour market is really tough and you are struggling to make ends meet, have no clue how you will pay the rent, or your mortage and all the bills, and could face eviction.

The wrong way:

- Girlfriend: "Hey, are you okay, i can feel that you are being very quiet lately"

- Weak boyfriend: "Yeah, i don't know, it's just that since i lost my job i've been trying so hard to get a new job but every company keeps rejecting me, and i don't even know why or how the hell im gonna find a new job before the bills arrive, because we have so many payments due already, debt we need to pay, and seriously it's making me feel so scared, because what if i can't... I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here... I don’t know, I feel so lost"

When you do this you are not just expressing your feelings, you are making her responsible for them.

If you expressed yourself like this, then yes you can say bye to the relationship. She will lose all respect and attraction from you and no, it's not because she is a bitch or something, in fact she will feel guilty about it, because it's a feeling, not a logical decision what's driving her away, which is what men don't undestand. Se knows she should logicalle be supportive but she can't help feeling the ick when she sees you like that. Because she cna't feel safe when you do this.

And some guys then reach the pragmatic solution. "Ok, then fuck it, i will never show any vulnerability ever again". But in reality you don't have to repress yourself, you just have to learn..

So how to express your feelings without making her feel like you are drowning on despair, desperation, insecurity, self-doubt, victimhood, and a complete total sense of helplessness?

You express your truth, but without making women feel responsible for managing your emotional state. It's not about hiding your stuff, it's about you not expressing that in such a way that it feels like you need someone to rescue you from your misery as if you are drowned by your own emotional state.

You need to take ownership of your situation and feelings about it, and do it from a position of strength, not from helplessness and weakness.

The right way:

- Girlfriend: "Hey, are you okay, i can feel that you are being very quiet lately"

- Chad Boyfriend: “Yeah, I’m pissed off, because ever since I lost my job I haven’t been able to find another one, and it messes me up, it makes my blood boil and gets me down and stressed with all the bills piling up. But you know what? Deep down I’m glad I feel this anger, because it motivates me. And I know I’m fucking going to land a damn job, and not just any job, one I actually like and that pays well. By sheer will, i fucking swear I’m going to get it, and sooner rather than later.”

That's what women respond to, that's what makes women say "that's my boyfriend i fell in love with". So it's not about pretending to be flawless, but rather admitting you are flawed and have emotions like every other human, but still showing strength and the type of attitude that says:

"Yeah, this unwanted thing is happening, but I've still got my shit together and i know i will figure things out all on my own because i always do".

You are not asking her to be your therapist, you are not asking her to do something about your feelings, or to fix them, or to reassure you,... You are just showing your truth, but you recognize you are your own solution, and know for certain you will solve it. It's like a boxing match, you might be getting knocked down and suffer the pain, but you get back up over and over on your own.

That's what being a fucking man really is. Honest about his feelings, but taking full ownership of them.

Now before you say "isn't that faking?" No, you are not faking because you are admitting what concerns you and showing you don't have all the answers now. What you stop doing is the part where you make her responsible for managing your emotional state, which has nothing to do with vulnerability but from choosing to victimize yourself and refusing to take responsinility for yourself. In other words, when you would rather still play the victim than recognizing you yourself are the problem and the solution to any undesirable situation.

Guys who want to blame others and cirumstances for their feelings will be the ones to complain about this post i wrote.

But those are not men, they are children trapped in an adult body and those guys will still lose their girl one way or another regardless of whether they express vulenrability or not. Beause women don't respet men who blame their "uncomfortable or negative" feelings on other people or circumsntances, and who refuse to take responsibility for themselves.

If your natural value is that your believe in taking responisbility then this should be the natural response you give not because you read it here but because that's what people who take resposibility do.

Becuase you don't need to have all the answers in order to take action. This post is about the importance of genuinely taking ownership of your situation and not let yourself be drown by it. And that is a choice, not to appease your girl but to get shit done and improve your situation regardless of your girl because you should be responisble for yourself no matter how upset you feel.

So yes, you can be vilnerable. Because true connection requires it, otherwise it ain't a true connection.