What am I doing wrong in approaching and flirting? Please be fully honest and critique me!

ACaulfield910 · 2017-11-26T09:58:49+00:00

"Hurrican Irma is bad. How would hurricane [girl's name] be?"

I cringed. Don't use pick up lines, for the love of god. For every time they work, they fail a million.

I'll give you my two cents. Forget about pick up lines. Forget about technique. Most of the time they won't work, and when they do it's a one-off chance that won't last too long.

You aren't afraid of girls. That's a start. That's good. You know how to approach a girl, and you know how to start talking. Many guys don't. What you need to work on is your conversation, and escalating.

Kill the questions. Stop asking girls questions. Nobody likes being asked questions, girls or guys; it feels more like an interview. Also, when you're asking questions, you're showing that you are interested in the girl more than she is interested in you. That's desperate behavior, and girls will feel it. It's neediness. Instead, when you approach, introduce yourself as you already do. Then make a statement. Take a guess at her. Let me give you an example:

Setting: party

You: "Hey, I don't believe we've met. I'm NAME."

Girl: "Hey, I'm NAME"

You: "You must be one of host's friends. You go to this college?""

Girl: "Yea."

You: "Ah that's really cool, you look like a educated guess major"

That's just a bland example, but you can see how I didn't ask for who's friend she is, I guess it. I didn't ask for her major, I guessed it. And there's nothing wrong with that; either you get it right, or you get it wrong. If you get it right, she will be amused, and the conversation will carry on. If you get it wrong, she will correct you, and the conversation will carry on. Eliminate questions and turn them into statements whenever possible. This will make the conversation smoother. Also, by doing that, you are now forcing her to ask the question (naturally, in a conversation like the example above, she will follow up asking "oh what's your major?"). That's a win, because now, you are controlling the conversation, you hold the key. Now, she will be the one who will showing investment by asking the questions. If she doesn't, then she isn't interested, in which case move on. Or maybe she's nervous, in which case move on. Or maybe she sucks at conversation, in which case move on. It's not your job to care for other people you just met. They should impress you, not the other way around.

Another key to conversations is to know how to go off on a tangent from key words. You don't want to stick around the same topic for a while, it's boring. This is more of a social skill than a dating skill. For example, if she says "I'm a psychology major," you can turn the conversation around by saying something like "oh I studied a semester of psychology, that was in my freshman year. Oh man, I remember back then T-Pain had just released this song and everybody was listening to it." This is a really poor example, but I'm giving you an example. Know how to spin out of a topic into a new topic. Most of the time it will be a lot easier than that; you can tangent off of words she said directly, and go off on a completely new story.

I won't go into too much depth about improving your conversational skill, I'm guessing you already have pretty decent conversational skill, and if you need help there's plenty of resources online (YouTube or else).

Escalating: this comes down to flirting. You need to know how to flirt. Flirting is done by creating sexual tension: YES, SEXUAL TENSION. That means, you need to make the girl wonder if you're into her sexually. Or better, be bold and make her wonder if you'll do anything. This is created using many different methods: making sexual innuendos (careful here, you need to make the girl comfortable around you before you start doing this), teasing, banter, etc... The idea is you want to let your body say I want you while your mouth say I don't. You want to create tension. Fact of the matter is, words have practically no use when it comes to escalation, assuming you've already made the woman feel safe as well as desired with your conversational skill. Escalation is all physical, done with body language. As you're talking with her, slightly touch her arm for a second. How does she respond? Does she quickly flinch away, or does she not do anything? If she flinches away, then you're not there yet, you still need to make her feel safe. Try again later. Then maybe lay an arm around her, maybe ask her to dance with you (this is actually a great way to break the touch barrier quickly). Once you break the touch barrier, still escalating, while noting her reactions. An interested girl will reciprocate, and disinterested girl will not. After that it's all you man, she won't kiss you, sorry that shit only happens in movies. You have to make the move, not her.

I'll sum it up in this: seducing girls is all about connecting with them on an emotional level, and making them feel safe. This is all done by you making your intentions clear (I'm interested in you as a potential partner vs I'm interested in you as a friend vs I'm only interested in sex (NO NO; most girls do not like to feel cheap. Even though girls like sex just as much as guys, sex holds a lot more value to them than to men for various reasons, making them a lot pickier about whom they choose to sleep with)). This is all done by you being yourself, and simply not giving a shit what other people think. This is done by you being open about yourself. This is done by you not needing acceptance.

Kit-Kat-Kankles · 2017-11-26T19:32:29+00:00

"I am not just aiming for rich doctors/nurses or pretty blonde sorority sisters, but average girls too."

Soo...brunettes are out of the question? You seem biased in your explanation of the woman you chase. In college you should be embracing ALL types of woman. Stop limiting yourself :-)

Title	What am I doing wrong in approaching and flirting? Please be fully honest and critique me!
Author	junyarush
Upvotes	1
Comments	5
Date	November 26, 2017 8:46 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7fls29/what_am_i_doing_wrong_in_approaching_and_flirting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-am-i-doing-wrong-in-approaching-and-flirting.1437477 https://theredarchive.com/post/1437477

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