In 2017 I've had my heart broken twice. Both times being rejected by someone I fall hard for.

In January of this year the first woman I fell in love with and had a real serious relationship with dumped me. Before this I was 20 years old and very inexperienced sexually and romantically. She said it was because even though she said she still loved me and I deserve so much better than her that she felt "lukewarm" about the relationship and she wanted to be single. I was devastated. I spent my last semester at University fighting through the grey world your mind creates when you're depressed. Going through the motions of life I managed to partially overcome my sadness and by July I was happy again with myself. I was confident though i still didn't have any woman around me and I read Models by Mark Manson two times over. I felt too insecure and fragile to speak to other woman so I spent most of my time in the Gym and working on myself.

I decided to buy a last minute ticket to Thailand where I traveled by myself for six weeks, sort of to "find myself through travel," until I met the second girl who would break my heart. I again thought she was the perfect woman and we traveled South East Asia together for two months sharing incredible memories. She broke my heart yesterday because even though we'll eventually end up living in the same city after our travels she says she doesn't want a relationship and I need to find someone who deserves my love.

Again here I am in the same heartbroken spot i found myself a year ago this time with a different girl. I've been rejected and had my heart broken not once but twice in a span of a year. What am i doing wrong? How can I prevent this pattern of fantasizing love to the extremities that I take it to? What helped YOU create the 'abundance mentality' I keep reading about in this subreddit. Any help would be greatly appreciated.