Hi seddit. 21 male living in Berlin here. This will be long and rambling

My current situation: in January I finally snapped out of the remnants of a relationship ruined by my paranoia and fear and to a degree my exs (i think) dishonesty and (i know)secrecy. Also other things, but mostly those.

I am still hurting, but have been pushing myself to focus on improving my life instead of wallowing and have managed OK. I am working on my Bachelors Thesis, visiting my lectures, got a job, gathered old and new friends again and have something planned every day(non zero days and such).

However, I feel like I am starting to lose the drive or energy to keep on pushing myself effectively. Some of it might be sleep deprivation, but I am not really "wanting" anything anymore and have trouble writing my emotional state into my journal.

I also let fear of failure come up again. I should take a couple of days of and sleep my sleep debt off, but I don't want to lose the roll of productivity and extrovertism.

The best thing right now might be to focus on my current routine see and improve that, finish my thesis and exams and then pick up the other stuff. But I don't want to get stuck in a rut again and not flirt and over think every interaction again. On the other hand, it is getting hard to actually give people the time my interest demands(not really a superficial kind of guy) without rushing and forcing things("falling into interrogation mode").

Also, I still feel like I am not doing enough to "get my life in order". And I think this is a confidence thing.(Upon rereading this text, I got a bit desperate here. Am going to keep this in anyway)

I do gymnastics and parkour, coach a couple of friends with strength training, volunteer at the students union, have a bachelors thesis topic i like, visit master lectures to free the later semesters for traveling,love my major,take dance classes, work as a freelancer under contract with a small company in the bay area, am making small forays into the bar scene (I am freshly 21) and started traveling and hosting couch surfer. I read ferociously, listen to podcasts about almost everything, try to cut down on my YouTube consumption, started a skincare routine in January, keep a journal with small poems, short stories and drawings, try to keep a clean home and furnish and decorate it more. I do all of this because I actually like it, although it would be lying if I claimed to not eye the "women getting" effect. I still don't feel like it is enough, like I am still not an interesting, valuable and desireable man.

Looking back on this post I can condense it to:

Am I doing enough? Am I on the right path?