It's hard to catch the essence of the situation I'm experiencing in text, but I will try my best.

Yesterday she asked me if I was being 100 % honest with her, and she basically asked because she wanted me to tell her "I love you", because I had been hinting at it for long but didn't want to do it because I wanted to say it at a special occasion. Then she was about to say it, and I didn't let her. We woke up the next morning and I felt something was off with her. I asked and asked and asked please tell me what's wrong because I want everything to be perfect at all times, she said it's best she not say. So I panicked, got up and thought and said to her, so are we over? This is so needy because we are far from over, I'm just extremely insecure for no reason and it shows up a lot. I'm pretty emotional so I come to small tears and she notices that in my eyes and voice, but she tells me she felt rejected yesterday by me not letting her tell me. So I fixed the situation and then I fought to my self, stop being stupid, there is no right time so I told her, I love you. She said it back, then I said, don't say it if you don't mean it.

Okay that was just a rant. How do I explain my needy behavior. Ill give an example:

The same day as above. Before everything above happened we were eating with her roomie. After the meal they go out to the toilet and I can hear her laughing so hard for so long, and it actually gets to me even though it shouldn't (she's known her for 5 years and they are beyond just good friends) and I'm thinking how can she leave me alone out here for so long (but there was a legitimate reason). Anyway, we go in to her bedroom, and instead of enjoying her company, I ruin it by becoming needy and telling her she has so much more fun with her roomie than me (of course, they've known each other for ever, and she's laughed just as much with me at several occasions too) and I don't even know why I'm doing it. And then I get all emotional and I'm saying stuff like maybe I'm not the best fit for her (even though the girl loves me so hard, she's told me multiple times that she's never experienced being so into someone before).

And I feel this needyness in my messages too. It's hard to capture it all here. But I'm not sure what's causing me to become more and more needy. I'm madly in love, and everything is so so good between us, but when I get my bouts of needy moments, I am ruining stuff between us and pushing her away I feel. I'm doing a lot of pulling, and I'm not sure how to get back to the normal me, that's also capable of pushing without immediately feeling that I'll lose her, and immediately throw my self on the ground on my knees and saying needy things. Im trying to suck love out of her, instead of just enjoying her presence.. Hmm...