I got a “shit test” text Monday night.

I was supposed to meet a young woman in two days for a date. A friend of a friend setup, it would be the first time we were meeting. I had attempted to find time to meet in real life for the past couple of weeks but travel, work, sickness had gotten in the way (from my side as well as hers). But, to be honest I was very much looking forward to meeting her. Then, Monday evening, I got the following text:

Hey <name> - hope your week is off to a great start! I’m looking forward to meeting w you AND think a different night will be better after all… would this weekend or any day next week work?

My immediate response was disappointment and sadness, with a twinge of rejection.

Now, my first instinct, since I was super looking forward to meeting her was to write “I know how it goes, Right now Saturday works, you?”.

But I stopped. This was the nice guy talking. I was willing to say yes to whatever situation or whim she might have without even thinking about my situation. I was not actually honoring what I felt - disappointment, sadness, and semi-rejection. I was a doormat.

This is the chasm of the “Nice Guy”. You will say and do anything in hopes of getting what you want. You are like a dog doing every trick you know in order to get a treat. You will put yourself last for most minute chance at a prize. This is not healthy, this is not love, this is ugly, fake, a farce. I stopped, and noticed this was a horrible reaction/response.

No one, man or woman, wants someone who will just say yes to everything, to be their doormat. Read that again. No one, period, wants someone who will just say yes to everything. They will end up looking on you as if you have no opinions, no backbone, no self-worth. This is BEYOND unattractive, for both sexes. When I think about women I desire this is also 100% true.

Ultimately, I’m looking for someone who is open, ready, and truly wanted to meet up, on whatever level (friends, date, enemies until the day we die, whatever), and see if something is there. I don’t need to waste my time chasing after someone, trying to prove my self worth. If they can’t see it, I’m just wasting my time.

Was it a “shit test”? Maybe to see how I would respond, maybe not, maybe she's busy. I cannot and will not ever know. But what the text DID do was give me a negative feeling and yet I was, at first, willing to just let it go.

So what am I going to do? Nothing right now. Nothing. I’ll invest in other options/people that are open to connecting, adventure, fun. I’ll reach out to her at a later date, if I feel like it, but right now, if she really wants to connect, she’ll reach out again. If she doesn’t want to connect, great, I’ll find other people to spend time with. I’m not going to grovel just to meet someone.

TL;DR - Analyze your subconscious/instinctive responses to situations and make sure they honor who you really are, how you really feel.

—

Postscript - "Be true to yourself and you will never fall." - Beastie Boys

Edit - welp, that got downvoted into oblivion. I hope at least one person got something out of it.