Super TL;DR When you're given the chance to make something, do something with that chance!

This is a long story and I'm not even sure if it really belongs here, but over the past few years I've gone through a whole lot of shit regarding girls. All of it being my fault. I'd like to share my experience with you all so some of you can learn from my mistakes.

A little bit about myself, I'm socially awkward. I have been a gamer my whole life, and when I wasn't gaming, I was watching T.V., YouTube, browsing Facebook/Twitter, or some other activity that didn't involve social engagement. I was a member of my high schools theater program so I made friends through that, however, I still did not develop any social skills. As such, I have always been awkward to have one on one conversations with (unless that person was close to me). I'm also a "Nice Guy", which I'm trying to change.

Now I have about 6 or 7 stories that involve me not getting the girl I want, however, they all have the same issue. My lack of confidence, desire, and grit. So with that said, I'd like to go ahead and tell you a story that ended two nights ago.

Basically, I've been friends with this girl (we'll call her Claire) since junior year of high school. Claire is essentially my dream girl, she has a bubbly personality, she always looks out for others, she's very friendly and approachable, she's my height, and she has a figure eight body with an amazing ass. Well, when I was a junior in high school, I didn't exactly realize this because I was at a point in my life where I thought I had a crush on every girl I saw.....except for Claire......

Instead of asking these girls out, I merely admired them from a distance and hoped to god they felt the same way about me. I never approached these girls to have a conversation, let alone ask them out. I let my anxiety get a hold of me and control me. I was always too nervous to approach these girls and as such I merely sat on my ass waiting, hoping, for something to happen. As you can imagine, nothing happened, and if anything these girls thought I was weird and because of that, I felt distanced from them.

Skip to the beginning of senior year. My social skills started to pick up a little, and Claire and I started to talk here and there. I could start to tell that she was interested in me, but for some reason, I wasn't interested in her. I was still chasing girls who I rarely talked to. In fact, here's a snippet of that in action. I was in band, and during a football game Claire decided to sit next to me because I was sitting near her friends. We we're making small talk for a while, when all of a sudden we started to discuss the people we liked. She mentioned that she liked one of my friends (we'll call him Pat), however, we both knew that Pat liked one of the girls I liked (we'll call her Alex), and Alex liked Pat back. Now, instead of saying "Hey, the guy you like, likes the girl I like, and they don't like us back, therefore, maybe we could get together?", I merely sat on my ass and pretended like nothing would happen between Pat and Alex.

Fast forward to 2 months before prom, Pat asked Alex to prom and I was still deciding who to ask. I was starting to develop feelings for Claire at this point, but she wound up at the bottom of my list for reasons I will never be able to explain. But again, instead of summoning all the courage I had in my body to even bring up the topic of prom to the girls I wanted to ask to prom, I waited.....

Until two weeks before prom, I had to make up my mind on who I was going to ask because ticket money was due in a few days. I was stuck between two girls, Claire, and Claire's best friend (we'll call her Lilly). For some reason, I wanted to ask out Lilly, even though there was a thought screaming in the back of my heard yelling "She's gonna say no!". The night after i made up my mind, Claire wound up getting asked to prom by a friend of ours. So everyone knew I had to ask Lilly, but that night, Lilly sent me a text starting off with "Hey, so I heard you were going to ask me to prom. I appreciate the gesture, but..." and from there it was a whole shit load of excuses as to why she couldn't go to prom with me. To say I was enraged is an understatement, but I knew I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't want to go to prom, but I already put money down for the party afterwards, as well as the limo. So it felt like I had no choice.

In a super quick summary, prom weekend sucked ass.

It wasn't till after prom that I really started to fall for Claire. Yet, instead of acting upon it, I over thought it. We we're going to different schools, (I was going out of state) so I didn't know if it was a good idea or not. Instead of making a yes or no decision, I thought about it....for two months.... Again, a majority of this may of been lack of confidence, I don't know for sure.

About a month before I left, I had my graduation party, but only three people (of the 20 I invited in the first place) showed up. One was a close guy friend, Claire, and a good friend of Claire and I. For the whole night we wound up talking about relationships, and what we wanted to see in girls or guys. Claire wound up describing her dream guy as someone that matched many of my characteristics....she liked me....but what did I do? Well, I'm a fucking dumb ass. After Claire was finished describing her perfect guy, I knew full well that she was describing me. Instead of making anything out of it, I said "It really sucks, I've never met a girl who has ever wanted to date me". Awkward silence filled the air for the next minute, and shortly after, Claire and her friend had to leave. I knew I fucked up big time. How could I of done this? Was I really that naive to think anything good would come of that? Why the fuck am I an attention whore?

Well, my first year of college came. I made two really good guy friends, but I didn't find any girls I liked at my school. So second semester rolled around, and I thought that maybe I could get something going with Claire. I knew I was transferring to a school in my state next fall, so I figured I had that going for me. So I started to text Claire every once and a while. It was mostly small talk, but there were a few conversations where I thought that she still liked me. Well one day I found a picture of her and a guy on Facebook, I panicked at first but the next day I talked to her and I found out that this guy was supposed to go to Claire's formal for her sorority, but there was a mis-communication and she wound up going by herself. So I thought she was single.

Well, I never directly asked her if she was single. I only assumed. Never assume.

Fast forward to a week ago. All of my friends are back from school and I was trying to host a get together to catch up with everyone. I invited Claire but she had to go to some city with her family. Well, I hung out with some of my friends this past Saturday and we decided to go see one of our friends plays the next night (this past Sunday).

After the play we went up to a late night restaurant and we ended up seeing a bunch of friends from high school, Claire included. We were all catching up when out of no where we started talking about Claire's boyfriend.

.........I was dead......... I couldn't fucking believe it. Years of neglecting, lack of confidence, and just being anxious lead to this. Consciously I know that this was all my fault and that I have to move on. But subconsciously, I still want her. It'll take me a few days to get over it, and I know I shouldn't be treating this like a breakup, and seeing how I've never dated, this damn well feels like one.

What I learned: I was reflecting on this incident tonight, and I was trying to think of where I went wrong. Well, for starters I had no confidence. Thus leading me to believe that everything would fall in place because somehow people would feel bad for me. It doesn't work that way, this world is cruel and learning how to be confident with woman (or being confident in general) well put you a step in the right direction.

If you have strong feelings for a girl, but you're too shy to ask, just say 'fuck it'. I was scared of rejection too, and it fucking sucked, but goddamn it guys, suck it up. Take all the courage in you and A.) Ask if she's single, and B.) ask her on a date. If she says 'no', then tough shit, move on. If she says 'yes', then hey, good for you!

Pay attention to the girls who show interest in you. If you notice a girl likes you, talk to her, get to know her, she could be your dream come true.

Finally, don't put your eggs in one basket. What I mean by that is don't get hung up on a girl that you're not even in a relationship with. Had I of not focused on Claire for the past 6 months, I would probably be a lot happier.

Thanks for reading everyone, I know it was long as hell but I needed to get it out there. If there's anything else I could work on please tell me.