Hi, I’m writing this inspired by other recent posts. Just joined this subreddit. I recently picked up a copy of The Game. 10 years after my friends. I’m 34M, and have had a few girlfriends, all less than a year, and a hookup or two. Countable on two hands. To echo dajjal’s post. I’m fit, decent looking. 6’ 2”. Masters. Also experience fomo looking at friends – whether it’s marriage and kids, relationships, or picking up.

I was working for a good company until I was laid off last year. Somewhat happy. Trying to strike out and do my own thing, be my own man. Dating app results are middling. A few likes on Hinge, because I’m trying to signal class. But it’s mostly a nice guy vibe. Nothing conclusive yet. But I want to be more proactive. My end goal is marriage and kids. But strangely, finding a quality woman takes game. And a few steps along the way.

I’m not tripping, but my clock is ticking. Men are lucky that way. But it’s still not automatic. I need to make an effort. I’ve made a list of reads. I still have other commitments, but am serious about this. Still, there’s no substitute for going out. Period. AI is garbage for this type of thing – advice wise. All PC. As are counsellors. The current culture says not to talk about pickup. But clearly it’s alive and well here and on the internet. What I need is the inner douchebag.

I’m in the NYC area, been here 2-3 years. Real talk: I don’t drink, smoke, I go to bed early (but stay up thinking about how I’ll meet girls), I don’t eat meat, or drink caffeine (there was a time when I was more badass). In short, daygame I guess, without doing a 180.

I make excuses about not wanting to waste time on events of any kind, even though I sign up on meetup (mostly networking, run clubs), and don’t bother with boardgame night or other random shit thinking it’s a waste of time. I’m shit scared of cold approaching, unless I have a basis for chatting. And pray that there are ways to circumvent it.

But I secretly hope / wish I’d get better at casually talking to strangers [not that hard], especially pretty women [kinda hard], and especially showing interest the minute it strikes [not slow rolling it .. like maybe someday we’ll go on a date].

Me ignoring a hot girl in a group is less of a strategy to pique her interest and more to protect myself. I get a bit of attention from women in groups. But I don’t know what to do with it, other than to be a nice guy, and not rock the boat. I’m afraid I’ll “tarnish my reputation”. Not sure what I’m even talking about.

Every time I get a bit of traction, I trip out. Get too heavily invested, to the exclusion of everything else, thinking she’s the answer to all my petty problems, and fumble it. I don’t want to spend a shit ton on dates. The Game says you don’t really gotta. But, I guess you’ve got to be prepared to shell out from time to time. I can probably spend 50 / wk somewhat comfortably, and maybe up to 100, for now. If it’s worth it.

I dress very plainly. Shorts, t-shirt. Nothing high quality or standing out. My apartment is plain. So far, I was all about “it’s what’s inside that counts”. Depth, intellect, pretentious bullshit. But it’s not working. There are girls smarter than me who want the fun guy. I need to go out and get some threads (without making excuses), and put a little effort into my apartment. Also, it probably won’t be tens all the way. But hopefully that’s roughly where the road ends.

Additionally, I’m a bit judgmental. I want to bang a ten, but also judge slutty pics, while finding it hot. I’ll tell myself it’s shameful. Maybe that’s a mental safeguard for thinking she's inaccessible. I tell myself that everyone’s getting the show, but I know that only one (or a few) person is smashing. In theory, I want the perfect balance of ten but also not slutty. It exists, but so many tens in America know they gotta be a bit ‘bold’ to get to the top.

Maybe I’ve gotta rewire myself. It’s probably one of the biggest things preventing me from jumping into this – the judgementalism – towards ‘easy’ girls, or myself. Then again, even seasoned ‘playas’ like snoop say: ‘don’t make a hoe a housewife’. So maybe a housewife ten looks different from a pickup ten. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. That’s a later thing.

To all the temporary incels (haha) on this thread, including myself, don’t be bummed. I hate that term – incel, because it signals rage. But I’m here to be positive, and proactive, in a different way. Hopefully this is the start of something. I still have a few good years for this in me before ‘taking whatever I get’, which is still not that bad, promise. Maybe a 5 or a 6, possibly 7. To those on the other side, show us your ways.