Hey Reddit,

This is a heavy one. I’ve rewritten it a few times to remove identifying details.

My parents have separated after 35+ years of marriage. My mum (mid-50s) left my dad (late 50s) just over two weeks ago. She didn’t give a specific reason beyond saying she’s unhappy and doesn’t want to be with him anymore. They’d had conversations over the past year. His effort to repair things increased, hers, by her own admission, decreased. Now she’s clearly drawn a line under it.

She’s moved into temporary accommodation but won’t tell anyone, me, my sister, even her own mother, where she’s staying. Just vague references like “somewhere near the middle of X Town.” That feels odd. She insists there’s no third party involved. Either she’s telling the truth, or she’s very good at hiding it.

She had quietly set up her own bank account and arranged the new place beforehand. It was clearly planned and deliberate.

My dad has taken it terribly. He says that entering his late fifties, after past health issues, his life isn’t worth living anymore. He swings between anger, sadness, confusion, defending her, and saying he wants her back. For him, this felt like his world changed on a random weekday night.

I’ve been visiting every evening for 3 to 4 hours, longer on weekends. Their relationship was co-dependent in some ways, and I’m conscious of that dynamic. He offered for me and my partner to move in temporarily. I declined because I don’t want to create another future loss when we move back out.

We’ve been watching films, cooking, going for walks, following live sports. But he’s said some deeply unsettling things about suicide. My mum told me when she left that he had threatened it before.

On Sunday, he told me the only reason he hadn’t killed himself was because he was worried I’d be the one to find him. Later he mentioned writing a will to “make sure I’m looked after.” We both cried. He apologised. He said maybe he doesn’t have it in him and that I should treat some of what he says as “idle threats.”

Yet he’s still working remotely, eating, cleaning, exercising, seeing friends. He’s made plans for dinner this Friday. I discreetly checked with the friends and he is attending. He talks about football, future matches, food deliveries. He sends morning and evening texts saying he’s okay.

There are positive signs: hygiene, routine, social contact, small future plans.

But he refuses professional help. I’ve suggested therapy, counselling, a GP appointment. He won’t engage. He’s very black and white about it. “There’s only one way this can end.”

My mum has offered very little support to me through this, which I’m struggling with. I’m carrying a lot of responsibility I never expected to have. My partner and my workplace have been incredible.

Tomorrow my mum is coming to collect more belongings and I’ll be present to keep things calm.

I feel like I’m pre-grieving while also trying to enjoy time with him. It’s exhausting. Samaritans were kind but ultimately said the decision is his, and I can’t control it. I can only support him and make the choice harder.

I suppose I’m asking:

• Am I doing the right things?

• Are the mixed signals, suicidal statements but future plans, common?

• How do I support him without becoming the sole emotional pillar?

• At what point do I escalate this beyond encouragement into something more serious?

I’m worried, but I’m trying to be rational too.