I need help, throw away account

CharmingPass · 2019-12-31T06:40:18+00:00

If I were you, I'd start by having a legitimate relationship with myself first. Love and take care of yourself first. It sounds as if you're looking for other people to do what you ought to do for yourself. If you don't, you'll end up with a predator guy who will use you and leave you in worst shape.

Read "Full catastrophe living" and "The Untethered Soul" to be more mindful and aware of your true self and become who you really are.

For family, relationship issues, read "Not nice" by Dr Aziz Gazipura, it's quite complete, make sure you do all the exercises.

For diet I follow Dr Greger's whole plant based diet and his "21 tweaks" changed my life, he has an app you can download for free, check his website is all free too.

lonelylady2020 · 2019-12-31T06:40:50+00:00

[deleted]

kimikupkake · 2019-12-31T14:09:31+00:00

Weight - you need to find something that works. I HATE depriving myself in any way, so I decided to try intermittent fasting because it works for me. Another option is meal delivery diets. Or anything that works for you - find your trigger.

Family - I haven't bought a bf around my family in years. My grandma wants to see me with a nice man before she dies, comments on my style etc. I smile and nod and do my own thing anyway. No one else can set the pace for your life except you.

I'm a little intimidating at first sight when I want to be and have a sarcastic sense of humour when I'm comfortable. If you can find friends that love you and appreciate you, you can find a man who will love and appreciate you for your personality. Don't change who you are to impress /make life easier for men. It'll get really tiring really quick and you don't want him to fall for a fake version of you. You want him to fall for the real you

Toomanyprollems · 2020-01-01T04:16:53+00:00

I do not have experience with losing weight. I do know of a 12-step program involving food called "OA" or Overeaters Anonymous. I have done the 12-steps in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and it helped me stop drinking, and now I'm doing DA (Debtors Anonymous) for my problems with money and debt. In regards to my money- DA is the only solution that has worked for me and helped me stick to a spending plan and truly work towards my vision. I'd tried everything to fix my money and it would get a little better and it just kept getting worse. So, OA is an option for helping with problems with food. It is a 12-step group of people recovering from overeating together. I cannot fully endorse it because I've never tried it but the other 12-step stuff I've been involved with has helped me.
My family is also trashy and dysfunctional. I choose to associate with them when I feel strong enough and only on certain holidays. I do Thanksgiving and occasionally if I'm having an amazing year I do 4th of July but only like once every 5 years. I do not do Christmas because thier brand of religion brings on traumatic memories and also just a bunch of bullshit that I don't agree with. So I limit my family interactions quite a bit. I'm no contact with my mother right now- I have set a hard line that I'm not speaking to her unless she has 6 months of sobriety. So it is possible to limit contract with your family to prevent their dysfunction from bringing you down. Instead of a full on visit maybe you can just do a phone call instead and visit way less often. If things get hairy with the criticism and disappointment talk on the call you can say "oh I've gotta go someone is knocking on the door" click. You don't have to listen to them try to tear you down. Edit to say that for people who grew up with dysfunctional families there is a 12-step program called "adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families." Or ACA for short. I have gone to many meetings and it has helped me tremendously. There are also phone meetings you can go on as well. If you decide to check it out it is recommended that you are seeing a therapist at the same time as attending ACA because some of t the stuff that comes up from childhood can be very intense.
You might want to consider seeing a therapist because your negative self talk in the last part is off the charts. Is it conceivable that the stuff you said about being annoying to men is in your head? I know that since I grew up also with a dysfunctional and critical family I see everything I do in a super negative light. If I am nervous or meeting a new person, the voice I hear in my head is usually saying "oh, they don't like you, you're too loud. Why did you say that? That was stupid. This is why you have no friends!" Such a friendly voice I have in there. It has gotten much better over the years but if this is the light you see your relationships in you may consider a therapist to help you come up with some affirmations or positive examples to counteract that inner critic. I have been in therapy for many years and it has helped me uncover the reasons for my destructive thought patterns and also to deal with current situations that come up for me.
Hope this helps at all! Good luck!!

Title	I need help, throw away account
Author	lonelylady2020
Upvotes	10
Comments	6
Date	December 31, 2019 5:39 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ehylys/i_need_help_throw_away_account/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-need-help-throw-away-account.694738 https://theredarchive.com/post/694738

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