When I mean by simple change, i mean my weight loss. I was fine with who I was before but I could see when I date guys, lot of times before they get to know me, they start making judgments and when I meet guys on tinder it always lasted short term. I thought it was because of my weight and same thing when I joined seeking arrangement. I met around 15 guys there but none except 1-2 wanted arrangement with me. But arrangement as in only bedroom fun. They say when you lost weight and look different the whole world treats you better, so I wanted to be better. I started working out and I lost 38lbs. Then I realized how different guys were towards me. I could get things more easily and guys who didn’t like me came crawling back to me. The guys who only saw me as fwb material started to see me more often. But ofc, is refuse them because I saw the other side of them. But also it taught me important lesson. If you want people to treat you nicer and better and have have variety of options available to you, you have to look your best self. As much as I like to deny it, it’s undeniable truth. And being on seeking really lowered my self esteem. Because I knew that I never could be the tall slim girl which every guy wants nor could I fit in the stereotypical asian. Guys would suggest amount according to their look scales and more often that not, they didn’t want to see me for the 2nd time.

I wasn’t afraid of rejection anymore. Because if they did, i wouldn’t blame it on my weight. It’d be other things or more often it’s be their issue. But also due to me being overweight previously, it really made me open up my eyes to see the shadow side of men. They treat women who they think below their league as shit. After this experience, I appreciate guys good personality more. It’s definitely rude awakening for me. I once googled on dating advice and lot of times it’s guys asking they like the girls personality but not the looks, but also don’t want to hurt the girls feelings. And truth to be told, I’ve been in similar experience and I know how it feels to be ‘that’ girl. It destroys your entire self esteem. Also most guys end up choosing pretty girl over girl with personality. Because for guys, sex matters more than anything. If you see the girl that guys cheated on, and the compare the girl Thad he was with, the new girl is likely more pretty.

That’s why after this experience, I wanted to put myself first. Because once I’m more confident in myself, I become more firm about my standards, so that I don’t get swept away by other people’s opinion.