For so long, I was looking for that friend with benefits type and that situationship because I was scared of love. My last ex-fuckboy played me so hard, telling me everything I wanted to hear, without no intentions of commitment. I let this go on for 3 years. I let him go. He asked to be friends and I just couldn’t do it because I felt so inadequate with him in my life.

After this man, I was terrified of dating or relationships so, I decided to go for a friend with benefits.

I flirted with this new guy first, and basically tried to get him to take me out. We texted for 3 months, without a formal date. This LVM would flop on me so many times but I gave it a pass. I shouldn’t have.

After we finally went on a date, he seemed nice, he would take me out, always paid for dates, and seemed respectful. He was a bad texted but “so what?” I though. I didn’t want a relationship. He would always be sexually flirty with me and sometimes, I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t call it out because he wasn’t my boyfriend. Another excuse I made.

Something went off on me today. This weekend, he left me on seen on 3 different occasions. He would send me memes, or current events. When I’d reply, he’d only text back and forth maybe 2 times. Today, I simply asked if he’d be down to do something outdoors because the weather is beautiful. Instead of dignifying me with the basic respect of saying no, guess what he did?

That’s right. He left me on read.

And then, after being angry and questioning why I didn’t deserve basic respect, I realized that I did. I am a full package and I deserve to be treated as such. I am a smart, beautiful, and hardworking woman. I’m preparing myself for the LSAT, so I don’t have the desire for a relationship yet (but am open to it if a HVM comes along). I deserve a man that I am having sex with to at least provide me basic respect.

So what if the sex is good? If a man cannot treat me with the respect to reply to me, why am I thinking about him? Why am I questioning if I’m doing something wrong when HE’S the one incapable of respecting ME?

I am not the problem. He is. I am out of his league on almost every level- educationally, hustle, looks (if I do say so myself), productivity. Yet I’m the one with my feelings hurt?

Are you kidding me?

I’m done with this low effort bs and if I cannot be respected, valued, and cherished by the man in my life, I DONT WANT IT!!