What a f****** c***

We met in college when I was 20 which means that I have been with him for the majority of my adult life. He treats me wonderfully, is so thoughtful, I like his family and my family likes him. We've lived together for almost 4 years. We have 2 cats together. We've gone through a lot together over the last 6 years. Now we're both in grad school, as well as working full time, and it's been difficult to find time for "us."

I think it's made me start to fall out of love with him.

I love him and care about him so much. But the butterflies haven't been there for a while. I'm short with him, getting upset over small things.

My boyfriend is perfectly wonderful but I feel like we want different things. He says he knows how he will propose, and he talks about having kids. I don't know if I want to have kids, or even be married. I've tried to bring that up with him but it's tough when I'm not really sure what I want, myself.

I've also started to wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. Every once in a while I meet someone and there's just that spark. And I wish that I was single so that I could chase that. Lately I've been talking to someone I met at work and I always catch myself comparing my boyfriend to him in different ways. I can't stop thinking about him, and I know that's unfair to my boyfriend.

I know what I need to do but to be honest I'm scared. Our lives are so intertwined and I don't want to let go of him and then regret it, all because I had some doubts about us. And I feel tremendous guilt because he tells me every day how much he loves me and how excited he is to be together for the rest of our lives.

I hate myself, I hate this, I hate how complicated relationships are. I would love to hear any advice at all, or your experiences. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this.