Let me apologize in advance for the length of this communication. I want to provide an accurate account of my experience in the family court system of New York.

My wife filed for divorce in late 2012. At the time we were both employed full-time. She made $25,000 per year. I made $79,000 per year. She refused joint custody of our twins (they were eight at the time) and mediation so I retained an attorney. On my search for a lawyer, I interviewed five separate attorneys. The first four told me that there was no way I would get 50/50 shared physical custody of my children which is all I cared about or wanted from the divorce. I got lucky and a co-worker recommended I talk to an attorney he knew from playing tennis. The fifth attorney told me he saw no reason that I wouldn't get joint 50/50 physical custody of the children. I wrote him a check for his retainer that day.

We went to court and a judge decided our case in November of 2013. 50/50 physical custody was awarded. The kids spend a week with her and then switch houses and spend a week with me. I also have been watching them and feeding them two to three nights a week after school while she goes to college. I was ordered to pay the majority of her legal expenses. In total, I spent nearly $30,000 on both of our legal expenses. I was ordered to pay $500 per month in alimony for four years and the judge deviated from the child support schedule and ordered me to pay $750 per month in child support based on the shared physical custody. Although at the time this was a major financial setback, I understood why it was necessary to give my now ex-wife additional money so she could maintain a home for the kids. I think the ruling was fair and gives both parties the resources and access to raise our children.

During the next four years, I averaged two new court cases per year with her either seeking to modify the judge's decision or requesting additional money. She lost all cases brought against me but the legal fees hurt my ability to provide for my kids. She was able to start a case free of charge and have an attorney provided by the state at no cost. I had to pay for my legal expenses out of pocket. I filed for bankruptcy in January of last year. My fiscal health has suffered excessive damage because of my involvement in the New York state divorce and family courts.

Her alimony ended in November of 2017. As ordered by the original divorce decree she was able to seek modification of child support due to her loss of the additional income. The family court judge in charge of our case awarded her $1616 per month (I pay the taxes, she gets the full amount tax free) based on my income alone as allowed by New York State law. To be clear, the ending of $500 per month payment increased my child support payments by $866 which is over 100% greater than the original amount. This amount is based on me making $77,457. Her income was not considered but she currently makes $33,318. My greater than 50% physical custody of my kids was not considered in the order which is allowed by New York state law. Under current law, If I made $1 more than her, she would be considered the non-custodial parent and I could be ordered to pay 25% of my income to her completely ignoring the circumstance.

If you consider the taxes I pay on the $1616 monthly (I figured at 20% and did not include state taxes.) My ex-wife now has significantly more take-home income (over $3,000) than I do even though I make double what she does and equally share in parenting obligations. In addition to her having more take-home pay, not paying for insurance coverage for the kids and only providing 30% of any medical, dental, and child care expenses, she also gets assistance from numerous state programs. I am still ordered to provide their health and dental coverage, as well as paying 70% of all other medical, dental, and child care expenses.

I don't know how this message will be received. I don't know who will read it or if it will be read. Father's being involved in their children's life is beneficial to the children's lives. There is a ton of information out there on how kids with fathers do better in life than children without fathers. I won't provide it here but google will show you extensive studies and reports on the matter. Forcing fathers into bankruptcy only hurts the fathers and children. Something has to change in New York state law as the courts do not always consider circumstances when awarding support for the children. Fathers should never be told by a lawyer that they have no chance of shared custody. Physical custody should be available to all fit parents, not just mothers. Without government intervention thousands of more parents and children will go thru this horrific system we call Family court. Shared parenting should be the law, not a trial. Child support should reflect the needs of each parent and the children, taking into account the circumstances.

Edit: I am gathering notes to file an objection to this latest order. I found an article in a local paper that I will quote a small part of. My judge on this case in one of the people included in the "Both" statement.

Both recently went public with concerns about a lack of diversity on the state Supreme Court trial bench in the Third Judicial District.

It is a court where all 10 elected judges are white males.

And there is now a vacancy created by the retirement of Albany-based state Supreme Court Justice Joseph Teresi.

Both women say their outspokenness about the lack of female and minority judges was the first thing brought up by an all-male panel at the party's law committee interviews."

So this judge has a history of feminist activism. I know I can move to have her recused from the case but if it is denied I am setting myself up for a total screwing. I'm going to talk to my lawyer about this and get professional advice but it goes to show how badly this could go.