Am i a man

UnconventionalXY · 2021-03-27T06:22:20+00:00

You were born male, so your fundamental pattern is that of a man. No-one can take that away from you.

How you want to see yourself is up to you, but unfortunately social conditioning often tries to mold people into a specific shape for self-serving reasons.

What I really dislike about our alleged civilisation is that it hasn't reached the stage of accepting that the universe is diverse and that these specific templates of discrete man and woman characteristics are simply 2 columns in an array of possibilities. Until we allow people to simply be themselves, we create a world of suffering.

Human sexual characteristics only matter in intimate relationships, where it is private between the parties involved: for the rest of the time, whether you are a man or woman or polka dot is largely irrelevant. When we select people for jobs, we should be doing it on the basis of the characteristics of that person being suitable for the requirements of the job, not whether they are man or woman.

I think we should stop thinking in terms of male and female behaviour: there is human behaviour full stop. There might be some statistical correlation between a particular behaviour and whether an individual is male or female, but often there is overlap and human beings can be somewhat plastic.

With such a range of behavioural and physical characteristics exhibited by people, it's futile to draw a line in the sand and say that this particular grouping represents exclusively male or exclusively female: it serves no useful purpose when it is ultimately about unique individuals lives.

If you prefer being receptive or passive in sexual situations, so what? Many men are like that: it's not an exclusively female behaviour. However, it is important to consider other behavioural options and see how we feel about them regardless of what someone has told us we should be doing. It's your life to live.

If you struggle with having an identity, think of yourself as belonging to the human race. I gave up trying to identify as gay, straight, bi, man, woman or whatever ages ago as none of them fit who I was as an individual.

Edit: forget about how your Mother wanted you to be, try to feel inside how you respond to seeing a wide range of both male and female behaviours and which ones you feel are right for you; don't try to rationalise them as behaviours you think you ought to be doing. I was led to believe I was a hetero man, but it never sat quite right with me and then I watched the movie "Priscilla" and received a sort of identification feeling inside with some of the homo-portraying characters, not completely, but closer to how I felt I was in reality. Greater exposure to other ways of being gave me greater options to test how those felt inside, merely by seeing them and I gradually evolved into wanting to try them out for real, for fit. By only focussing on what we are told to be, we never know what other ways of being might be a better fit. Society does a good job of controlling us by limiting access to alternatives by calling them evil or unacceptable, regardless if they are or not in reality.

Bace834 · 2021-03-27T05:34:09+00:00

Im not sure how to reply to this but i would go to therapy but there are few good ones. So yeah im not sure what to do in your situation

theif9r02 · 2021-03-27T06:57:23+00:00

Would you say your mom abused you (forced to wear girl clothes, for example)?

No matter what, remember you probably have an X and an Y chromosome (and, for now, probably, a dick). That is what can't be changed about you. "Man", "woman", "gender" all these words have been rendered meaningless by the progressives.

Neglectedpeach · 2021-03-27T08:09:45+00:00

Seek mental health therapy to talk about this. Look into BetterHelp, which is relatively affordable mental therapy that can be done over the phone or online with a counselor.

naytreox · 2021-03-27T08:39:40+00:00

Shit man sounds like you need some serious tharapy, get a male one as they will understand better what your going through (if any exist, I assume so)

You need to hang out with men and do what you have been doing, stop yourself from doing feminine things.

To me that's the only way you can remove the training you abusive mother gave you

2021-03-27T11:29:36+00:00

Go to therapy. And your mother is a monster for forcing femininity on you just because she wanted a daughter instead of a son.

Boss4life12 · 2021-03-27T13:01:12+00:00

Man = XY chromosome Female= XX chromosome

Do a DNA test my dude. ~95% of people on this planet does not choose their gender. We got what nature gave us. If you want to wear a dress because wut is comfortable for you do your thing

2021-03-27T14:38:10+00:00

If you wanna be feminine, that's okay. Women can do masculine and feminine stuff and still be a girl, so doing what you enjoy doesn't make you less male.

d_nijmegen · 2021-03-27T05:51:24+00:00

I catch myself wanting to be in a girl position when it comes to sexual stuff.

So? If that's what you like, so what? Fimd a way to enjoy what you like. It's no use fighting against it. It's socially acceptable enough to just go for it. Toys or a big guy, I assume that's what you mean. Have fun man. This doesn't have to feel like a damaged part of you

2021-03-27T08:49:16+00:00

I'd go to a therapist to see if you have dysphoria. A political subreddit dedicated to 1 issue is going to have tunnel vision. A good comparison would be posting this to r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns or r/Feminism as they would have different takes. Ultimately, if you identify as a man, you're a man. If you identify as a woman, then you're a woman. No one will (or should) ever try to argue with you about who you are. I hope that helps

2021-03-27T09:10:18+00:00

Why do you want to act like a man? I don't mean it as a rhetorical question, you should try to answer that.

Acting like a man is not gonna fix your problems, couse acting like a man usually means acting in a way other people want their idealised imaginary version of man to act. It's just basically acting like other people want you to, with an padding of justification.

I think first and foremost you should act how you want. Nobody else should decide what should you do, couse if they do, you gonna be chancing other people's dream and aspirations of manhood.

Somebody else thinks you act like a women, well that's their problem, not yours. Somebody things you are overplaying the manly? Their problem too.

Also you should visit a therapist, early year trauma is not small thing, to be downplayed. From my experience, good therapists should make you a tad bit uncomfortable, you don't want just the pep talk to make you feel good. Best of luck.

sexy-nun · 2021-03-27T06:31:42+00:00

Practice a manly sport , maybe that will make your feel like a man ?

S4njay · 2021-03-27T10:38:49+00:00

i first thought u might be bigender, but this is probs bcs of ur upbringing

AdikaHUN0328 · 2021-03-27T07:27:44+00:00

She created a mental illness in you. I have no idea how to deal with this. I wish you the best.

TheReader6 · 2021-03-27T13:17:49+00:00

You're not self-destroyed. I tend to believe that innately in each man and woman is an evolutionary bend, one that is powerful and can manifest and take control. Men have an innate desire to provide and protect, this is perhaps their most powerful tool in continuing the species. Women have an innate desire to nurture and distribute, this is their greatest contribution to the continuing of the species. (I am leaving out procreation.) This doesn't mean that there are exceptions to the rule, it does mean that there is a high probability that you have the ability to tap into that primal dominance.

I have a doctorate in leadership and strategy. Most of the time, when I am working with men who are passive or have more feminine aspects, it's a result of childhood trauma. It is possible to help them overcome this effeminacy, but they have to be willing. Honestly, I think therapy would help, but you have to be willing to forge the path without help.

Unlike many things women do, men are called to walk down paths alone. We are not meant for support groups (not as much as women anyway), we are meant to find our own inner strength. Being vulnerable is not a virtue for men, it's a sign of severe problems. We must have the ability to hunt down predators on our own and take them out before they get to our loved ones. When a man is vulnerable, it means something is wrong and they need attention quickly to fix the issue. When a woman is being vulnerable, it means she is trying to bond. There is a major difference despite what the new wave of leadership books are trying to sell men as "good and normal."

One of the major problems today facing men is the lack of responsibility we are suffering. The hostility in the legal system toward men has not so much been to empower women, rather its actual effect has been to inflict pain on men (primal, emotional). The free sex that women participate in as empowerment only hurts both sexes in the long run. The risks associate with marriage and responsibility are too great for any sane man to participate in, hence the generation of bastards that are flooding into our communities. A lack of a father is as great of a tragedy if not more so than the lack of a mother, and I love my mother and mothers in general greatly. There are memes about daddy issues for a reason.

Our T levels are dropping, we live in our parent's basements or apartments with our buddies until our 40s, and we are crippled with anxiety and fear. These are not good positions to be in as men. Notwithstanding all of this, there is hope. It's not going to be an easy road. Men are going to have to engage in their evolutionary roles once more if we are going to thrive. Men provide and protect, men dominate. Cruel men are faced by the righteous among us, weak men are exhorted to "man up" and protect the tribe.

To "Man up" means to take on responsibility, it means to provide for those you love, it means to protect them from threats. Men don't rely on the state to take care of their loved ones, they find a way to do so. Being a man is hard, you are not the provided, rather the provider. You are not the protected, you are the protector. You aren't safely home, you are storming the beaches of Normandy.

You are not "self-destroyed", but you will have scars. All men have scars. So your childhood wasn't perfect, it still does not change what is. Find someone to provide and protect for, even if it is your mother for now. I know the law is against you, but as men, everything you can imagine is against you and yet we survive. Ages have come and gone with this blue-green ball floating in space trying to kill us, but you know what? Men have always come out on top. We are still here, we are still innovating, adapting, and overcoming. You hold these genetics whether you care to admit it or not. See your scars, accept them for what they are, and then get out there and subdue the earth. Subdue life.

(Also, you may want to get your T levels checked. It may help. (not medical advice)

shit-zen-giggles · 2021-03-27T16:10:32+00:00

First of all: Your confusion is valid and appropriate, but it's not your fault. Sadly, despite it not being your fault, you're the only one (ultimately) capable of fixing it. For this you can of course take any help you want/need.

I'd humbly recommend you to take a look at Tom Golden's work. He's a psychotherapist that has developed a specific set of therapeutic meassures specifically for men. This might be helpful for you in sofar as it can help you to get to know (and develop) your masculine nature. Basically filling in the blanks that your mother deliberately left unfilled.

Maybe the "Things I wish my father had told me" series might be a good start:

The Breath

Self Esteem <-- this might be a particularly good fit

Anger

Feel free to also look around the older videos on his channel.

If you find it useful enough, you can reach out here:

https://menaregood.com/wordpress/online-consultations/

There's also a community project in which Tom is very actively involved:

https://regardingmen.com/

m0mmyneedsabeer · 2021-03-27T16:18:53+00:00

I think you're confused because you are gendering things that don't need to be. Men can enjoy baking, sewing, fashion, gardening, etc. Women can enjoy sports, weightlifting, gaming, automatics, etc. So I'm not really sure what you mean by this. Maybe if you stop seeing activities as gendered, you'll be less confused about your gender (I hope this isn't coming off as rude, I'm honestly just trying to help but it's hard to "hear" someone's tone when typed out)

Title	Am i a man
Author	kingsavagekiller
Upvotes	116
Comments	27
Date	March 27, 2021 5:26 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/me7h81/am_i_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/am-i-a-man.1187354 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187354

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