Preface

This past weekend my niece had her first communion. It was a lovely service and everyone was happy and having a good time. At the end, everyone was taking pictures with the little wonder and my sister and brother-in-law are with her trying to get some pics with her. There are about 10 people trying to take pictures saying "look here". Utter chaos as obviously it should be when this major life moments happen. No biggie right.

My sister snaps at my BIL and says "just look at my fucking camera". He snapped back "how the hell am I supposed to know which one to look at". Another snap from my sister "MINE IS THE ONLY CAMERA YOU NEED TO LOOK AT OBVIOUSLY!!!"

This made everyone so uncomfortable. I mean we all know she is high strung and always has to be right so this type of interaction isn't uncommon. However, after 15 years of them being together, IT IS STILL UNCOMFORTABLE.

The awkwardness never goes away. You know why? Because you are not supposed to behave that way. You are just not supposed to be argumentative. At all! This is such ugly behavior and only serves 2 negative purposes. 1. That you are a bitch. 2. That you don't respect your man. It doesn't even matter if you are in private. This type of communication doesn't foster intimacy. It works against your relationship and makes it harder to remain close. So with that, here are tips on how not to be a bitch.

Preemptive mental preparations

Holiday party coming up? High school reunion coming up? Court date coming up? Insert some tense situation coming up? The day before you actually have this event, think about what is actually going to go into it? Are you on a time crunch? Will there be a lot of people around? Do you have much more on your plate than you can handle?

Talk to your SO about it. He can create a game plan for the both of you so you don't have to carry the entire burden yourself. Read: Controlling Once he has a game plan... BREATHE! Understand that shit isn't going to be perfect. Maybe you don't get the right picture. Maybe you don't say hi to everyone you wanted to. Maybe you spill stuff on your dress. Maybe no one shows up. Who the fuck cares!!!! You are there to have a good time and your attitude will affect those around you so prepare to have fun.

Right before the event, I suggest to BREATHE AGAIN if you haven't done so since your first breath... lol. Relax and repeat

I am here to have fun. I am here to make sure others have fun.

During the event

I know for myself I need a reality check when I'm in the thick of things. I make it a point to check in with my SO so that I can decompress. I ask him things like "How am I doing?" or even "How do you think this event is going?". His honest feedback will get me to either snap out of the stress I'm in because things are going great or I will snap out of the stress because I realize I'm the one causing the tension because I"m so stressed. Either way, you can realign yourself with your original mantra. During the event I usually tell myself

Everything will be ok

HIGH INTENSITY MOMENT WHERE YOU SNAP

I know it is a common theme in my posts about failure. However, no one can be perfect, especially if you are in the early stages of surrendering. These moments should be taken as lessons learned. Had I been in my sisters position, I believe I would have thought about how I could have handled it better. I analyze how my behaviors affected those around me and tried harder next time. I would have thought about how I could have facilitated the situation with more direction so no one feels stressed out about it. My mantra will be

I can't be perfect, but I can try harder

I feel like most of the time being reactive can be so hurtful. Your motives might come from a purely altruistic place, but what comes out might be BITCHY MCBITCHERSON. Don't be that girl. CTFO, STFU, and DBaB!