Some questions regarding Captain material and 'Dark Triad' traits

akanachan · 2017-04-23T16:14:16+00:00

Good leaders will keep you in the loop, even if they have the final say on the decision. Manipulators keep you on a "need to know" basis, so you're easier to manipulate, often using "lying by omission" too.
Good leaders will delegate tasks to people who are more qualified to do the job, and are more concerned about the outcome/result, and don't mind that you use your own methods. Manipulators will be control-freaks, getting upset when you don't do things exactly the way they want it done.
Good leaders will try to help you find ways to overcome problems, or learn how to avoid mistakes -- they work with you. Manipulators will punish you (usually in petty ways, like deprivation) for mistakes from lack of experience/knowledge -- they expect you to serve their needs, and often take your needs for granted.
Good leaders do not throw tantrums, do not destroy anything in anger, and definitely don't say deliberately hurtful things and proudly call it "brutal honesty". Being considerate of other people's feelings doesn't make you weak -- it means you have empathy.
Good leaders will readily admit when they don't know something, or if they realize they're in the wrong. Manipulators will convince you that there's something wrong with you instead.

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-23T14:53:13+00:00

Someone who cares for you will have mutual self-interest in mind. Someone behaving machiavellian-psychopathic will only have their self-interest in mind.

But you want practical ways to tell. That starts with knowing what you want, what is your self-interest and how you like to be treated. If you don't know that, you better learn now.

How he makes you feel is important. He won't confuse you or make you feel bad. It's easy to think that some degree of conflict is normal and get caught in it. The truth is that a man who cares for you will not antagonize you and tease you or exploit your insecurities. Well-adjusted men will avoid arguing with women. If you feel bad or tense because of his words and actions, he is being manipulative (whether it's intentional or not doesn't matter)

Anything more specific you're pondering about those traits?

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-23T15:03:12+00:00

The best combination is if he has some of those traits for his dealings with work and life and they are not directed at you.

Sales is a good example.

Picture someone trying to get the best deal. That is goal-oriented social interaction, so some Machiavellianism is required.

It is fine to even aim to get the best price at the expense of the other person, and to be as uncompromising as you can get away with. Whether someone is aggressive or assertive and friendly while they do this is a function of personality ('assertiveness' can be over-rated).

The psychopathic thing would be to take the money and keep the goods too, if they can get away with it.

If someone has to lose, ''Better you than me'' is natural self-interest. Actively seeking to take advantage of others while doing it is pathological.

This means that the best way to identify these traits is to ask yourself if the interaction feels like a competition.

Do you feel as if you're losing anything? (immaterial things like personal time and self-esteem count)

Or did you mutually benefit? (spending the time with him feels gratifying, you feel better about yourself with him)

MarquisDePaid · 2017-04-23T16:46:07+00:00

Dont read too much into it. I personally am very very much Dark Triad in appearances but what is important is not appearances but history of social relationships.

If someone is constantly burning every single bridge and screwing people over, thats not good. If someone is (when no one is looking) kind and respectful to those under his authority, that is good. The most important thing to watch for with "sociopaths" is inability to form long term mutually beneficial relationships as well as actively seeking out power solely for the sake of having power (instead of for a goal, or for defense).

loneliness-inc · 2017-04-23T19:43:44+00:00

Confidence vs asshole

[deleted] · 2017-04-24T13:12:55+00:00

Oh, my goodness, this is actually quite relevant to my relationship, as my fiance is naturally very alpha. He's even managed to train my nine-year-old dog to respect him as the boss. Admittedly, sometimes this can bleed into our relationship. You see, I always wanted a man with a big personality, because I have always had a big personality and I would steamroll any beta. My guy is perfect for me, because that's never a risk and rarely is it a risk for him to steamroll me... but it happens.

The trick is communication. What a cliche right? Really, though, when I tell my guy that his behavior is bothering me, that he's being pushy or controlling, he listens... maybe not right away, but when the tension from the argument has lessened. He doesn't want to be overly controlling. So, the way you avoid your dark triad traits is to find someone who genuinely wants a healthy relationship.

[deleted] · 2017-04-23T17:17:16+00:00

I believe that a very effective way to tell is to see how the dude deals with laws, rules, boundaries and how he deals with power figures. It is important for men to realize that there's a limit to what they are able to do.

A captain would do his best in following the guides that will make a safe trip for everyone, a DT guy will do his best for his own interest , laws don't make sense to him since they're made for the interest of the whole crew who he doesn't care about, leading to him breaking laws eventually, even laws of social interaction ( where this is considered rude or bad and this is not etc..) that is why the triad is considered to be dark in the first place.

TheRedStoic · 2017-04-26T17:24:44+00:00

Great question, and simple (yet often unspoken) answer.

the bad guy will be butthurt and lash out. He'll be vindictive, destructive, you can demonstratively prove he took effort to punish you.
the good guy simply won't react at all. He has options. He has a mission. If you're not working out it's because you're not compatible, not because he needs absolute control.

Title	Some questions regarding Captain material and 'Dark Triad' traits
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	11
Date	April 23, 2017 2:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/672k9t/some_questions_regarding_captain_material_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/some-questions-regarding-captain-material-and-dark.87209 https://theredarchive.com/post/87209

Comments