Healing from past relationships and sexual behavior, any advice?

focuslady · 2018-01-20T06:11:29+00:00

I understand your fear. Reading this sub will not necessarily make you feel better, but it can make you be better, which is way more important.

I can make you feel better simply by saying that you are normal... I have many friends like you and I am like you. I had slutty college years and deeply regret it. I was raised by a feminist minded mom who told me I just had to “get it out of my system.” I didn’t know better. We made mistakes and that’s ok.

But you are right that there may be prices to pay. You have to be honest about your past in relationships, and since you have mistakes in your past, your future person may have mistakes in their past too. Change your expectations a little. Work on yourself and learn how to truly offer value to a man. Really have a change of heart here and walk away from whatever behaviors were dragging you down or inspiring sluttiness. When you get back into the dating scene, do not, under any circumstances, have casual sex or sex before commitment. It may take time to find that commitment, but it’s more likely to come if you’re holding yourself to that.

Also get clear about what you want! Do you want marriage? Have that goal in mind when dating.

My boyfriend is someone with mistakes in his past. He has been through a lot. Of. Shit. But he knows exactly my history, sexual and all, and accepts me completely. He treats me like his little angel princess. Me being honest with him even deepened our relationship because I have changed my ways in some of the same ways that he has. We have forgiven each other’s pasts, accept each other, and are building our lives together. And it feels really good.

Anyways, I know the RPW community seems to favor women who haven’t made the mistakes you mention. But women like you and I are exactly the ones who need all of this info, so we can change and help others change too! Have hope and don’t think of or present yourself as damaged goods. Focus on healing and it will happen!

Whisper · 2018-01-22T10:46:38+00:00

we shouldn't judge women for how they choose to conduct their lives

Wrong.

Everyone gets judged. Men get judged. Women get judged. Small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri get judged.

Everyone has a right to form their own opinions, and speak their own minds. And that means you, yes, you, will be judged. And if you have a problem with that, then the problem you have is called entitlement.

You need to take responsibility for your past choices, and recognize the absolute right of others to use them to predict your future behaviour. And if you don't, then not only will you not inspire any trust, you won't deserve any, because those who won't take responsibility for their choices are untrustworthy.

That is the first step towards making yourself acceptable to a man.

LawyerInTheMaking · 2018-01-20T02:13:50+00:00

you are damaged so long as you are unwilling to fix whats broken. The first step is admitting you have a problem and want help, and judging by the end of your post it seems that you are so that is commendable. Own up to your decisions/choices that you have made, make no excuses for it, and accept the responsibility that you have to put that much more effort into working on yourself and showing the next person that you date that you are no longer the woman you used to be. You also should accept the fact that your past, if and when you decide to share it with someone, may make a quality guy walk away from you because of it or disqualify you from a being considered for a serious relationship to begin with.

Go into nun mode, read the side bar, engage in the subreddit actively so you can learn things more in-depth (especially for redpill things you dont have a grasp on yet), and be proactive in implementing changes that may go against your traditional feminist teachings.

[deleted] · 2018-01-20T01:49:15+00:00

I don't think I have anything to offer but these posts might be helpful for you:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gqsmu/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_i/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7j5g00/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_ii/

Rivkariver · 2018-01-21T19:21:27+00:00

There is no point in ruminating on the past beyond simply “I regret that and will do differently now on.” Don’t wallow for years denying hope or love over this. Your choices are to either give up and let yourself go or to do damage control and make the best of it. It’s possible to find love. It’s unrealistic to expect every single man to not be affected by your past, but even without your past you could never get every guy to like you. I think it might be good to talk to someone about the child you lost.

carpethediem1996 · 2018-01-22T05:23:13+00:00

The statement: "we shouldn't judge women for how they choose to conduct their lives" is about as full as bullshit as a statement can possibly be. So if a woman is a thief, liar, terrible mother, we shouldn't judge her, because woman? If she's a violent, abusive alcoholic, we shouldn't judge her, because woman? If she's just a generally unpleasant person who uses people and has no respect for anyone around her, and lives her life as a total leech, sucking from everyone and feeling no gratitude and investing no effort in anyone else, we shouldn't judge her, because woman?

On the other hand, if a woman is successful, loving, giving mother, a fun person to be around, we shouldn't judge her either? Judge her to be a good, positive person? A positive influence? Because judging is evil somehow, I guess? I honestly feel like people say or write shit like this without even thinking about it for one second. That is the brainwashing of feminism at work and it's kind of scary to behold.

Here's some info that should not come as a surprise; EVERYONE JUDGES EVERYONE ELSE, CONSTANTLY, MAN OR WOMAN, CHILD OR ADULT, AT ALL TIMES, on some level. You may keep it to yourself, or feel slightly guilty for judging someone poorly who you are not certain deserves it, but we ALL judge people.

This is the feminist sort of bullshit you need to overcome if you have any hope of transforming yourself into a respectable woman that you can love. Honestly, with your past, you're a huge underdog, but the human will is an amazing thing, and you're still young, which is fantastic.

The reality is there ARE better, and worse, modes of being, better choices, better ways of living ones life, and you need to come to accept that, and in some ways you have: The choices you made previously were not just random choices made in a vacuum, they were HARMFUL, damaging choices which have left you with a lot of emotional baggage.

The idea of going into a form of nun mode is a good one, but setting a hard cap of 6 months before you allow yourself to date again is arbitrary, without good reason, and probably doomed to failure if you meet someone you really like. The standard RP advice, in most any situation, is this: You can only change yourself, and even this is a monumental effort. And to change yourself, you need just that, monumental effort, to separate yourself from destructive patterns of the past, if it's friends, drugs, alcoholic, men who are "Chads" or whatever, and try and gain a new grip on your reality.

You are damaged, but then again, we all are, to some extent. Life leaves scars on us, and your job is to avoid acquiring more of them by avoiding the same mistakes of the past. More details would be great for more detailed input, but in general trying to approach relationships from a more careful, considerate place is a great start, vetting your potential BF more thoroughly isn't a bad idea...

And most importantly, work on yourself in terms of exercising, eating right, and trying to develop a feminine persona which will help guide you in your future romantic escapades. I highly recommend The Surrendered Single as a decent place to start, and personally I find meditation or yoga to be very helpful, but that's fairly subjective.

bsmbsmbsm · 2018-01-20T05:13:23+00:00

I'm a man, and I would accept you, ya sound switched on. Making the right calls and remedying what you see as problems. If I wasted time thinking about how many men my wife slept with before me I'd be up shit Creek without a paddle. Chin up mate, don't let the old mess with the new you. You are good as gold and any bloke be lucky to have a bird like ya ;)

bsmbsmbsm · 2018-01-20T00:57:59+00:00

And I just realised this is a woman's page, hence the pink outline right well I shall now discreetly vanish......( good luck mate)

Title	Healing from past relationships and sexual behavior, any advice?
Author	carpethediem1996
Upvotes	2
Comments	28
Date	January 20, 2018 12:50 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7rn06b/healing_from_past_relationships_and_sexual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/healing-from-past-relationships-and-sexual.74128 https://theredarchive.com/post/74128

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