Do you want to not fear things?

I get questions mostly from very young men about approach anxiety, what it is, how to beat it etc etc. Most of the advice is simply just do about 50 approaches and the anxiety will eventually subside as you get more experienced. That's true, confidence is domain specific. I'm much more confident copywriting than bungee jumping off of a tall building as I am more intimately acquainted with writing bullshit emails for dick cream than hurling myself off of great lengths. But there's another aspect to confidence and fear that isn't touched on as much, and might help stop some of the approach anxiety beginners are having cold sweats about.

So what is fear?

Fear is one of two things, either an anxiety of an unknowable outcome, or of an assumed outcome. Some fear is natural and bodily, if a fire starts near me, I assume the fire will ignite on my flesh and turn me into a pile of ash, and so I flee. Other anxiety comes from the unknowable. I go into a job interview, even if I'm prepared, and because of the importance of the job interview I start stammering and getting my tongue tied in knots. Theory doesn't erase the anxiety, as I am sure a lot of you guys have realized. You can read Woujo's entire bibliography but when you're talking to a beautiful woman you've never met before, and you're just starting out, it's hard to remember what your own first name is, much less how to hold frame and pass shit tests.

What do we do with fear?

Well we know where it comes from, at the very least. The animal brain, but only in intense situations, and the conscious mind, when you desire a certain outcome very much. In fact it's not even the desiring of an outcome so much as the level of importance you place upon getting a certain outcome. See a really, really hot girl at the gym, all of the sudden your reptile brain starts racing. Imagining the life together, what you might say, how you might walk up and approach etc. In a sense, this thinking about the approach itself defeats you before you even walk up. It'd be better to almost walk up with no thoughts at all and strike up a conversation than to agonize over what the right words will be to unlock her vagina automagically. I get a lot of messages from guys as well asking what my approach is to talking to women. The truth is I don't have an approach per say, as in a routine. I don't believe in PUA as a concept, that is cold approach as a routine. Certainly you can have routine conversation at times, but I'm not wearing a Dr. Suess hat and rhinestone-studded cowboy boots. In truth you can pretty much wear anything, all of that extra stuff is more ritual than anything related to the outcome. But we're getting off-topic a bit.

So you have anxiety about talking to women, how do you stop it?

There are a number of things on the sidebar that help tremendously without even really talking about it. For one thing, getting in shape, not being some limp-wristed you know what, or some sort of grease-soaked behemoth will help you become more confident for a number of reasons. For one thing, on a primal level, you will be much less affected by perceived threats if you go into them with a suit of armor. Not a literal suit of armor unless you're at a ren fair I guess. Or you're a time traveler. But the shell matters. We don't say 'Go lift' as a "this is totally optional and you can have success as a fat slob, all bodies are beautiful" bit of hogwash. Yeah some fat slobs got success with women before, but that's an exception to the rule, and as to why they are that exception I can elaborate on more, but in all honesty, it's highly unlikely that the majority of you will be able to develop any sort of confidence unless you feel happy looking into the mirror. How can you expect some woman to slob all over your nuts and scream daddy at the top of her lungs if you don't even like to look at yourself?

Lifting also works as a way to put things into perspective. It's much harder to find a 100 pound 5 foot woman intimidating if I look like Zyzz. It's hard to find her shit tests as anything more than funny womaneese quirks when I almost suffocated myself with a barbell. And yet, many gym bros do NOT have success with women. Well to the level that they would want. So what means?

Well, for starters, having a great body is not always an indicator of a red pill mind, many gym bros are just as insecure, petty and overall womanly as they were when they were just your run of the mill midwest skinny fat. The shell is just that, a shell to contain the gooey bits that make up you as a human being. Lifting WILL make you more confident, and it WILL reduce some anxiety. Same with getting more reps with cold approaching, it's hard to be tongue-tied in front of a woman when I've been in the same position with a hundred women who look exactly like her before. But that anxiety and fear and a bit of awkwardness still remain for some guys who've cold approached THOUSANDS of women before. We've all seen PUA cringe videos. It's a rough watch, and it influences the nightmare scenario in a lot of guys minds. Which leads me to my main points.

You have fear and anxiety because you attach importance to the outcome.

Outcome independence, you guys have all heard it before. It's pretty much self-explanatory. And yet the anxiety remains because most people don't know why they need to be outcome independent, or why they get the heebie-jeebies talking to Stacy even though they've devoured the sidebar like a pig in slop. This isn't just for approaching women either, outcome independence is crucial for all aspects of life in order to make it as easy as possible for you to both not be controlled by others, but also to remove avenues of stress from your life. I know, easier said than done. Actually, it is easy as well. It starts with a mindset shift, which is hard for some people to understand how to do, even if they do it innately. Most of the people posting on this sub had a mindset shift, new information came into their lives, and they adjusted. The shift has to start with you saying "Whatever happens, I'm going to have fun." Do the other stuff before hand. Dress well, not just to get laid but also because it makes YOU feel good. Get groomed, because, in as non-gay a way as possible, you like seeing yourself looking good. I guess that's not gay. Autosexual rather. As NLE Choppa so eloquently put it, if I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me to.

Alright, so you've said your little mantra, you got a 20$ haircut at GreatClips, you wore a t-shirt that doesn't have a graphic from an anime, basically, you're killing it better than about 80% of men in America. If you paid attention to the sidebar you should also be decently in shape at the very least. Now you're at da club, you're dancing, you're talking to this girl. You keep reminding yourself to have fun, to enjoy yourself. Constant reminding. You aren't having fun, but you keep telling yourself you are, so what gives?

Well you don't remove anxiety and fear by just saying "I'm not afraid." That doesn't hurt, it can often calm you down a bit in the moment, but that feeling is going to resurface. It's very important for you to set your intention before you go out anywhere. After that, you need to let go. Stop trying to control the outcome. I've coached sports before and one of the key things I tell guys in any sport regardless of what it may be is that you need to focus on things in your own control. You aren't the master of the universe. If you are let me win the lottery. But if you aren't you need to realize that trying to constantly force an outcome like "I am having fun. This is so fun. Wow. So much fun." Is going to have the opposite effect. For starters, people are going to think you're a psycho because you aren't acting naturally, women will be put off by how you're acting (this lessens the hotter you are. If you're sexy, women let you do anything. Kind of. Don't be stupid.) and worst of all, you won't succeed with the intention that you set before you went out! Part of important to the outcome is letting go of control. As soon as you say 'I'm going to have fun." Don't even think about it the rest of the night. Actively ignore it. Ignore the negative self-talk. You can't fight it. You're like a man with a bucket trying to drain the ocean. And the bucket has holes in it. Let the wave hit you.

Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about. You're not there yet. But you will start to understand as you go through life. Effort does not equal to outcome in most areas of life. That's why lifting is so beautiful because it's one of the few things in life that IS that way. The more you try to force how interesting, how charismatic, how red-pilled and locked in you are to the world, the more the world will laugh in your face. Read, internalize, improve, and then let go. Try it and just watch the change. Please do this, it hurts me to see the rise of so many turbo-autists that have co-opted what this community was originally about. It's all trad-wives and prenups and we're missing what truly matters in life. Pussy. More specifically, pussy that I couldn't have gotten years ago now begging for me to stick it in. It's a beautiful thing and we risk losing it when spergs go out in public and look like fools malding about body counts and girls nights. You have to let go. The more you try, the more you fail.

I hope to post again more frequently. I'm not entirely sure about the numbers left here, or indeed if this subreddit will still exist in two days much less two years, but I'll put stuff on my website to archive it. I'll probably expand on this in the future as well. But keep improving. WAGMI.