I'm bitching out, need advices and help.

Occams_Shiv · 2014-09-21T16:38:17+00:00

There is a scene in Fight Club where Tyler instructs the members to go out into the world and get into a fight with a civilian, and lose.

This is what you need to do. You need to make getting rejected your goal. It won't feel good. Being out of breath, bruised and bloody doesn't feel good. But it strengthens your mind. Are you scared of rejection? Good. Get rejected. Feel around in your brain for the thing that scares you, that makes you feel small, and unworthy, and seek that thing. Become immune to it.

You can't decide to not give a fuck any more than you can decide to have the chiseled body of a greek god. You have to put in the time and work in the gym. If you want to be a fighter, you have to lose fights. Over and over. Talking to girls is painful and difficult because you fail twice every time. First she rejects your advances, so you fail the attractiveness test, and in the same moment you are acutely aware of how much this bothers you, and you know that it's more than it should. You know that you are weaker psychologically than you should be, and you reject yourself as unworthy.

So there is a double rejection every time you approach a girl and fail to win her approval. You must seek out and experience this double rejection over and over, until you barely feel it. Until you don't give a fuck. Reward yourself for every failure.

Repetition is the mother of skill. Go out and get shot down, realize that the pain, awkwardness and embarrassment last for mere seconds, and you aren't made out of glass. You are the same person you were before, but now with a little more pain, and a little less care.

The only thing you can do wrong is not start.

edit: grammar

tombreck2 · 2014-09-21T16:11:15+00:00

You drive down the highway going 70 mph inches away from other cars where you could die any second with one mistake.

And you're afraid of what a 110 lb girl thinks of you? It makes no sense

tracer123 · 2014-09-21T16:15:51+00:00

You need to work on inner game, this means seriously reading the sidebar. Girls WANT you to approach them, a face to face encounter is worth 1000 tinder messages. It also gets easier with age.

Saturnalia93 · 2014-09-21T15:35:43+00:00

Not giving a fuck is just one of those things that you have to acquire some way or another, I honestly don't know what would work for you. It took terminal illness and a Xanax prescription to get me to that point in the past, lol. Obviously it doesn't need to be that ridiculous, but once you learn how to be confident or how to simply be care-free, it's something that tends to stay with you, so there's that if it's of any solace to you.

the-redpillian · 2014-09-21T15:56:54+00:00

Learning to not give a fuck is in essence what you need to do. Take it from someone who's now on the other side of clinical anxiety, that's much easier said than done, especially since you have little to no point of reference. There are lot of tricks you can use to help your cause but one thing you have to accept is that this shit is not easy. Get comfortable with the fact that it could take you 6+ months until you see a noticeable improvement. It's gonna suck at times (depending on what stage you're at) but stick with it and I assure you, as long as you're willing to bust your ass, you will be amazed at the progress you can make.

Having said that, I made a post a while back which basically contains a few insights I've had since overcoming a crippling social anxiety and awkwardness. Might be of some use to you. Search: "from clinical anxiety to beast mode", or search by username. (on mobile and I can't find the link).

mordanus · 2014-09-22T01:22:56+00:00

Take a minute and reexamine your thoughts as you were with these ladies. You will see the moments where you talked yourself out of asking them out or for their number. This is the male hamster. He talks you out of asking girls out or asking for that raise or standing up for yourself. He makes your cowardice seem like intelligence and that it's your choice to not take the risk.

The truth of it is just that you are afraid. You are afraid of getting hurt or putting yourself out there. That fear isn't bad. It's a subconscious thing that is put there to protect you. Giving into that fear without rational logical thought is what's bad. When you face fear you need to let logic be your guide instead of thinking so emotionally. Once you recognize your hamster you can learn to destroy your own rationalizations.

Often_miss_the_point · 2014-09-21T16:32:43+00:00

IMO you've already overcome the hardest part which is the initial approach. You said you had 5 casual conversations in the past 2 days, a lot of guys can't do that. Next time you are having a casual conversation, find a common interest, or something one of you express an interest in, and turn it into a reason to get together at a later time. It doesn't matter how trivial the subject or lame the idea sounds, if she is interested she will accept. "Oh, you like music? I like music too. We should get together some night and listen to music." Lame as fuck, but if she is interested in you she will probably accept. She may tease you about your lame approach later, but so what.

squishles · 2014-09-21T18:40:32+00:00

How can i overcome that?

You don't need to; just do anyway. Detach yourself from the situation and act.

WeAreAllSheep · 2014-09-21T22:01:38+00:00

It's because you have a fear of rejection. Everyone gets rejected.

Even the best looking with 6 figure salary guys I knew got rejected from time to time. Granted their batting average will be higher than our's.

Just go for it. The worst that can happen is they say no in a nice way "Sorry I have a bf" "Sorry I'm not really looking now."

In my experience, if you wait past the initial 5 minutes, most people have already lost interest, even if you they had some to begin with.

Good luck.

Miamiheat87 · 2014-09-22T04:55:41+00:00

By time and practice. You only get confidence from previous successes. Spend a lot of time working to talk to girls little by little and over time you will be a master.

Don't worry about what you can't do right now. Worry about how and where you will spend time opening girls.

School is the best place for that. Spend an hour hanging out, walking around, and looking for opportunities to talk to girls.

antikonti1 · 2014-09-21T16:47:19+00:00

I want to ask you does it mean anything if a girl on the street looks you in the eye and you look in her's and she breaks the eye contact first? Does this mean that she is willing to get approached or doesn't mean anything? I see a lot of girls looking me in the eye and suddenly look away or down.

Edit: I went out for a walk and walked like a boss - shoulders back, head up (maybe even little more than needed). It was fucking ridiculous because every single girl checked me out. There was a girl that looked at me 3 times in a row (me, ground, me, ground, me, ground). Even those bitches with their boyfriends checked me out with not remorse. My first thought was that there may be something funny/awkward at me but none of the guys checked me out so i guess not, because if there was something i guess that everybody would look at me. Hell even a group of 4 girls checked me out so hard that 2 of them turned back after me (and i did too, that's why i saw them).

What the fuck is wrong with those girls and why are they all looking at me? How can i know if i look funny to them or really hot?

Title	I'm bitching out, need advices and help.
Author	antikonti1
Upvotes	14
Comments	20
Date	September 21, 2014 3:31 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2h1g1a/im_bitching_out_need_advices_and_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/im-bitching-out-need-advices-and-help.21522 https://theredarchive.com/post/21522

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