Summary: Pity is weakness, Pity no one (including and especially those closest to you and of course the one closest - You)

A story told out of a need for context and maybe help someone who is going trough smth similar:

I grew up in a broken family, mostly ‘cause I was raised entirely by my mother, I’ve seen my father for 3 months a year, he worked and still works on a ship. During my early childhood, I remember being an emotional tampon for my mother. She had hard time raising us especially because both my parents broke all connections with their families. There were three of us my sis me and mother. I remember when my mother went through her feminist phase (still quite in it though speaks against it – but we focus on behavior here), and through her religious phase. She did a big job, but also, she is the most fucked up person I know. Has no friends. And basically needs to conquer every high position male she meets. She gets into a fight with anyone.

I spent my youth being her best friend. She is an intelligent person, but highly emotionally unstable. While growing up I was often shamed for being like my dad despite being nothing like him except in sense of humor and alpha body language.
She always manipulated others in family through her victimhood (mostly me, as an older child and the one most available). And it is because I believed her sad stories (my dad was her third husband – flags, I know) about the abusive previous ones and her tough childhood, I let her erode my self-esteem out of pity. I never stood up for myself not wanting to destroy her ‘cause I felt she already is such a sad creature. I entered a good Uni in my country and was a no smoke/drugs/alcohol, standup guy. That still didn’t protect me from the rage she felt towards my father and her fucked up life. I ate that shit like it’s mine. I was so worn out with this best friends/worst enemies scenario I had with her, I never really had the energy to go after girls, although many were interested during my high school years.

In the middle of my Uni education I went to live away from her. Since then it’s a mile better life.

Presently I cut out of my life my sister and my mother, both of whom I know bring less than what they take from my general well-being. I felt a sense of guilt for a long time, but last time I visited my mother she actually told me it’s my dad’s and mine fault for her and my sister’s life, and that we are responsible. That shit was an crazy insight it was so funny that I knew she is crazy for good.

I will not apologize for my success because someone else is doing worse or feeling worse. I know how much shit I had to go through to even just breathe at this point in my life. I will not apologize for being a man like my dad. I will NOT have mercy for those who haven’t had even basic respect for me, when I was all the support they could count on – for years.

Lessons learned: Pity no one. And want no pity. We are all grown up. We are all responsible for our lives. No matter how sad your story is – YOU are responsible. No matter how sad your story is – I WILL destroy you/remove you from my life if you don’t give me what I want from a relationship. Dont let anyone erode your self respect out of pity. In a world of adults, our only real responsibility is ourselves. Unless you are counting yourself as a victim of fate or God. And God, knowing your true power, would never even feel any pity towards you. Own it. Win it.