Girls love to feel affection, but hate guys who need them. For most guys, there is this period between when he first realizes the glory of talking to a girl who likes him a little bit, and when she is turned off by him chasing her. This period is simultaneously the happiest the guy has been this week and his biggest sticking point, preventing him from having fun with girls or getting serious about improving his situation (physical, social, financial, emotional).

He is confused. He thinks this is what life is about: this feeling, connecting with a girl. More of that! Please!

Try not to say please.

He doesn't realize that a girl does not want to be an equal in a sexual relationship. She wants a rock. If you are excited merely by the prospect of talking with her, without her even trying to impress you, that means she is the most exciting thing you've seen today. It shows you just might not be the desirable strong guy who makes her feel safer when he's around, or the exciting guy she wants to have fun with.

MOST GUYS CANNOT FEEL AFFECTION FOR HER WITHOUT ATTACHMENT

If you can feel affection for a girl, she will love it. At some point-- maybe while meeting, maybe again while married, it probably never stops-- she will shit test you regarding this specifically. She will be asking you if you think you need her. If you demonstrate that you need her, through supplication of an unreasonable request or by engaging her emotionally, it will feed her ego and feel good in that way, but she will no longer trust your leadership. Remember you can still engage her emotions, pity her, even comfort her physically when she’s overwhelmed, but do not sympathize or discuss.

TRUTH: STRAIGHT TALK VS POWER TALK

Women don’t say or even think the truth, they care about securing resources. Everything she can acquire falls under that: rights, entitlements, privileges, power over others. More resources = more security. And she just doesn’t feel secure without her man, her rock.

You can recover from occasional mistakes, but every instance she can remember in which she didn't feel your authority will make her more and more insecure. Testing more and more until she starts looking for an out, in the form of cheating or eliciting abuse (not necessarily physical) so she has a reason to leave that she can point to.

She knows that if she says “I want to leave you, I don’t love you anymore” that she may be questioned, manipulated, convinced to change her mind. She doesn’t feel secure enough in her mental or physical fortitude to overpower you and stand her ground. Not if she’s emotionally elevated and fears the worst.

This is the reason for all female lack of accountability, she’s a quick thinker and can find reasons to justify anything, and most men don’t have the energy to put her in her place, because that means emotional labor for him: worrying about a reaction of anything from bad vibes to cock blocking, tantrums, fights with white knights to being poisoned or stabbed. A woman’s viciousness seems to be correlated with her emotional level and sense of insecurity. If she feels mortally desperate, she will be mortally vicious.

Of course these tests will be abuse themselves, but even aside from any societal pussy pass, we instinctively know that women are more insecure, and it is easy to believe she’s right when she tells you you are the wrongdoer if you’re looking at the truth of the situation as a collaborative process. Women are not wired for erudition: as soon as she finds something to say that gets a desired result, she will keep it as a tool and employ it in any situation it might work. There may have been a fight with an ex in which he grabbed her and it hurt, and she said “you’re hurting me,” and he let go or people came to her rescue. She may use this in the future when she is trying to wrestle your phone from your hands, or you’re trying to stop her from drunk driving.

It takes quite a long time for men to learn women’s communication, because we establish hierarchies and they don’t really change much. We learn to get used to our situation and accept it. We feel secure in the order of things because it either took so much work to get to where we are, we feel it can be done again, or we’re so overwhelmed by what would have to be done to change our situation that we just won’t do it. Women are people as soon as they are born. Men become a person when they have the strength to survive alone, and take on dependents. Because women are more likely to be taken care of on an existential level, it is less likely to be damaging for them to engage with power plays; so why wouldn’t she be constantly vying for more while avoiding repercussions with safely ambiguous language.

CALIBRATION

Any given girl may feel pressure to avoid acknowledging what she really wants in a man, because among many circles it would be faux pas to say you need a man in your life, or that you would let your husband take care of all financial decisions. She will throw all that away in the safety of your frame, so make sure you’re calibrated to the situation and her social anxieties. Maybe you can pick her up during a hug in front of her feminist mother hen, but maybe you shouldn’t smack her ass until you’re alone, unless you want to be a dick and don’t care about causing problems in her social life; there are less destructive ways to practice holding frame.

But sometimes part of holding frame is doing something kinda shitty, realizing for yourself that you don’t think you should do that anymore and then taking responsibility for it, on your terms. Admitting you did something wrong is different from the submissive apology that will often be demanded. It’s hard to differentiate once she’s already made demands for recompense, but if shows solid frame if you make things right in your own way, without doing or avoiding something just because she demanded it.

TAKEAWAYS

Connect with a girl with affection.

Have enough options or at least approach enough hot girls that you know that talking to one girl who turns you on isn’t particularly special, and she is not more exciting than you.

Women can’t stand for anything, and want everything, so understand she uses language in a completely different way from you when feelings are on the line, which could be all the time.

Take care of those around you if they accept your frame. But being a dick is useful for learning frame.

If you can appreciate her without needing her, you will see you can make your very own alpha widow! With tools you already have at home!