I keep losing my shit, without fail, once a month or more. I look absolutely insane on the outside. I have always been averse to medication like antidepressants. It seems like a band aid to me. A temporary coma that I will wake from one day even worse off than I am. Yet, I am fucking unstable. I have been lifting weights and eating healthy for 16 months. I have been meditating two hours a day for 4 months, yet I still can't control my intense emotional compulsions. I have no one to vent them to, so I always end up here. I'm breaking.