But how do I reason it away? I'm having trouble finding good reason why she was shitty for me. My other relationships I was able to look back and understand why it wouldn't have worked out. This past one, shit it was so easy. Sex was there all the time and it was fun. She was more sub and opened up my dom side. She cooked for me occasionally, we listened to the same music and fucked all the time to music I liked (which didnt happened before in the past and makes a huge difference). We are in the same field so we understood each other's work problems and supported each other. She lifted weights (competivelty) and ate in a healthy fashion she looked good and would keep it going. She would even occasionally make me laugh which is rare for a girl to semi-consistently do that. She was really down to earth with things which was attractive.

Potental bad things: 1. Early on, she was very up and down emotional which kinda turned me away but over the past 2 years, she seems like she matured out of that which fuck with my head. But it may be because she hasn't really been challenged that much recently. I dont know.

  1. She said she had to take BC pills not as much for sex but more for those emotional roller coater of emotions. I seen her switch between perscriptions and yea she would be a doozy but then she found one that works for her and she really chilled out and seems stable. Funny enough, right around that time sex slowed down then a month or 2 later breakup happened.

  2. She mentioned once she didn't know if she ever wanted kids and that was a bit of a turn off. But she was like 22 maybe 23 during that convo so I chalked it up to her being young and not actually serious.

Long wall of text I know. I'm just having trouble finding big flaws that were obvious. The ones listed I don't see much anymore as she showed them more in the beginning (which kept me back from feeling too much and keeping it fwb) but then she "matured" and I saw really opportunity until she called it quits. Lastly how do I know that she is still like this? Well let's just say I shit where I ate so I cant completely get away which hurts the oneitis. Now I learned she is dating someone else and that fucks with me especially since outside the bedroom, I kept it cool so I didn't try to swoon her in other ways and now it's too late. I still have urges (not gonna act on them) to go up to her and be like "that wasn't just sex to me and I know it wasn't like that to you."

I gotta work on myself I know. My brain keeps fucking with me that it's too late and I won't find a girl like that anymore and that she passed by while I was too passive and overthinking as always.

Yea give me shit. Some advice I guess too.