Alright. This is going to be long and I apologize. I'm struggling and am here to try and work some shit out.

I found TRP in July of 2017 at the age of 23. Three months before that my ex-gf of 4+ years dumped me (presumably cheated on me) the whole thing. I was crushed, heartbroken etc. But I found TRP, and things started to improve.

I began to lift, diet, still struggled in school (I'm in graduate school) but started to bang hot sorority girls and overall my life got somewhat "normal," at least as far as I was concerned.

One of the sorority girl plates that I had, I'll call her Dee, eventually got me to commit to her in March of this year, 2018, after we'd been having sex and hanging out since September of 2017.

Dee graduated in May 2018, from the university I attend (I'm in my last year of graduate school) and got a job 4 hours by car away. Decent job, $60k a year.

This is where it gets dicey. She wanted to keep seeing me as an LDR, which I knew was risky, but by this point I had pretty serious feelings for her and agreed. I did begin seeing another girl on the side, just for sex, but it was super plain and boring.

4 weeks ago today, Dee dumped me over text. At the time, I was totally fine, I immediately started fucking a new girl I go to school with, and got a BJ from a different girl like 4 days after the break-up.

2 weeks after the break-up, so two weeks ago, Dee texted me this SUPER long and SUPER dramatic text about how she was "torn apart inside" and "this is the worst thing she'd ever experienced" and all kinds of nonsense like that.

This is where I fucked up, and why I'm struggling now. I replied "when can you come to [my city]." and she immediately replied "a week from next friday. I wanted desperately to come last night."

I replied "alright, I'm busy rn but text me next week and I'll let you know if that's gonna work for me." She never replied. I lost frame and texted her "making other plans for this weekend, don't come." and she said "okay. I didn't think it was a good idea." I stupidly said "yeah. have a nice life." and that's it. it's been a week now.

I feel so much fucking worse now than I did the first week or two after the break up, and I'm recognizing a lot of the same shitty emotions from the first break up that led me here.

I have this urge to "win" so to speak and fuck her one last time and then ghost her. But I don't know if that's even possible at this point.

I don't know if I should completely block her everywhere because that just feels super weak.

I'm mostly frustrated by mishandling of her post break-up texts and not having that stoic vice-grip control over my emotions that I know is vital for men to have.

Sorry again that this is so long. Thanks y'all I appreciate any advice.