First of all i willingly ask you, the reader , to tell me what you genuinely think.No need to filter your opinion as i am not going to filter my situation because i really want and need help.

Male,21, still doing highschool maths, failed this year,again. The year started terribly with my first in 2 years oneitis leaving me , out of nowhere. We didnt argue, we didnt had something bad happen to us, she just stoped talking and when i asked what was up, after nearly 1 month of “ i dont wanna talk now/im not feeling it at this moment/im busy” , she left. Im still able to acknowledge my blue pill side despite it being not as bad as it was. And me being a guy who naturally doesnt get oneitis easily, the breakup was like losing everything. I attempted suicide.Got filled with revenge for months, actually planning to release revenge porn on her, decided not to do it when i really good and close friend of mine showed me the biblical story of Cain and Abel, and taking responsibility. This was a near turning point

Went to lose 14kgs because stress makes me eat and i got to a dummy thicc 90kgs (im 185cm) , 30 down to 22% fat (been struggling to gain muscle so hey if u guys have any tips on it, tell me) so that made me feel really accomplished.

Failed my maths exam which basically means ill have to retry it next june therefore meaning ill only get to college at fucking 22. Since its only 1 subject i want to find a job, despite feeling frightened by my social anxiety , because i know im behind my peers, so i need to work as hard as i can if i want to “catch up”

All this failing, for the first time made me lose faith, in god,in me,in being and life in general, a persistent feeling of numbness sticks with me all the time, and i need your opinion on what i should do about this : books , carreer/job ideas for someone who just had 1 job and it was washing dishes, everything that you think might help me,shoot it, ill be thankfull more than you can imagine. This was also good venting , hope i didnt break any rules

my Private messages are also open if you feel the need to tell me something that way and not in the comments.