Can't get rock hard...

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2020-12-19T15:05:20+00:00

Mate unless you're 50 and/or have heart disease or diabetes, the vast majority of these cases are due to one thing. Your heart and soul isn't in the same place that your head thinks you need to go. Youre focused here on externalities and superficial surface stuff, and you need to be asking yourself questions about the heart and soul instead.

You mind is saying "I need to do this" but your heart and instincts are saying "Wait a fucking minute."

It's absolutely normal to not get arounsed in a situation when you don't feel comfortable or don't feel respected, for whatever reasons may be. It's normal to not get aroused when you don't fully trust someone else.

Being obsessed with porn typically revolves around fear being vulnerable among other things. The same could probably be said about being obsessed with abstaining from masturbating. So I fear you may have simply replaced one obsession with another.

The issue seems to be you think you're supposed to just magically perform here in order to impress some dumb woman, while at the same time you're not wanting to trust your gut and go at your own pace.

Ask yourself what are the real reasons you don't feel comfortable with the new girl? What's your worst case scenario?

A lot of times that's fear of being somehow vulnerable. Combined with putting said girl up on a pedestal like she's the prize.

Women don't want to be up on that pedestal. They don't want to be treated like they're a prize. Treat her like she's a goddamn normal human being.

partyn3xtd00r6 · 2020-12-19T14:41:24+00:00

Probably mental. You wanted to get hard so bad and perform that you psyched yourself out. Try giving less fucks and just be in the moment don’t over think it. It was only your first time you’ll get better with experience

Alliaenor · 2020-12-19T18:00:32+00:00

Try Cialis 5mg everyday.

2020-12-19T14:51:26+00:00

I feel/felt almost the same way about sex. The “cure” for me is the right girl. I need a strong emotional connection with that girl in order to have fulfilling sex. What may also help is working out and taking a multivitamin complex which contains Zinc and having good hydration.

GilbertoCarlos · 2020-12-19T14:40:46+00:00

Keep trying with girls, depending on what you liked, you can do that with them, or imagine. If you liked anal, just playing with your finger in her ass might get you hard. If you liked cumming on the face, imagine taking it out and spraying on her face, or say to her "I'm going to take it out and cum on your slutty face".

danaw1992 · 2020-12-19T14:39:44+00:00

I used to have problems when I was having too much caffeine. Also make sure you get enough fats, zinc etc.

TryQuality · 2020-12-19T18:54:42+00:00

[deleted]

MazerTag · 2020-12-19T14:51:13+00:00

"I have no emotional connection here at all, in fact with any girl. I don't want friends, I don't want relationships, and even moreso - I don't even want sex that much. I'm the guy who doesn't listens to music, eats the same shit every day for 2+ years, doesn't watch netflix, news etc - 99% of shit in this world, including sex now it seems to me, is just noise for the average folk to distract themselves with. I want to focus on my goals and mission (business atm)."

See a therapist. You're describing symptoms of possible depression, obsession, or some other condition that results in this sort of apathy and intense goal-oriented behavior at the expense of enjoying life. Here's the thing: it's great to have goals and work hard toward them, but what is the point of accomplishing them? For most men it's to raise their status, get more pussy, be respected by their fellows, attract a lifemate to start a family -- some sort of ultimate value has to undergird the process, or you're just attempting to level up while playing a video game and your life is a series of fetch quests for XP with no actual bearing on the storyline. It's good to level up, but it's not healthy to ignore the reasons why levelling up is beneficial.

FinancialThanks1 · 2020-12-19T14:42:30+00:00

120 days isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things. Keep going. Try putting a drop of lube inside the condom

BasilevsNihili · 2020-12-19T14:52:28+00:00

Im similar to you when it comes to beibg disconnected to things. Also dont crave for sex most of the time. Id say you didnt get that hard because there is no connection. Personally the more I like someone the more I wanna fuck her, so some random is not very appealing.

Snowboard18 · 2020-12-19T16:38:25+00:00

It’s probably from the past porn addiction. That shit can fuck with your libido like crazy, especially when you start with the weird fetishes.

It’s like a drug, the higher you raise your tolerance to being turned on by watching weirder and weirder types of porn, the harder it is to have a libido with somewhat normal sex.

I’d say you have two options

Give it more time for your brain to go back to normal

Or go tell your doc you have bad Ed and get some cialis

modern_soma · 2020-12-20T05:59:57+00:00

/u/W_O_M_B_A_T said it perfectly. I will just add that the fact you lost your virginity very recently makes me think that in your head you thought that sex will fulfill you in some way that other things could not, and you're now realizing that most of the time the juice isn't worth the squeeze and you should work on your mission (your business in this case). Great realization to have brother, this is a critical step in being able to maintain steady on your path to fulfill your mission, maybe bang a couple more chicks just so you know you can and then focus on the biz.

Fart-_-Loud · 2020-12-19T14:42:18+00:00

Asking this question here will give you 100 statistically skewed versions of your dad's answer to your question.

What you actually seek is medical advice. more often than not a doctor can tell you how sex drive is hormonally regulated.

Cabinet_Odd · 2020-12-20T10:11:25+00:00

Just need to associate sex with getting hard. Which will happen the more you do it

And also no fap makes you a virtuous lad. So yes if the feels/ vibes aren’t in it you won’t enjoy it

empatheticapathetic · 2020-12-21T00:46:02+00:00

Been investigating this for 10 years. It's the emotional connection. If you don't want it then you're not gonna 'want' it (aka your dick isn't gonna give a shit).

Some great responses in this post. I wish i had some of them during my time querying this issue.

throwaway8884204 · 2020-12-19T14:57:04+00:00

Eat raw garlic daily before bed ( 2 cloves - chew them completely)

Do this for 2 weeks and your boners will be rock hard.

Jdamoftruth · 2020-12-19T18:25:28+00:00

Used to have ED and a massive porn addiction to some "taboo" fetishes

Fetishes and porn have nothing to do with ED.

21yo

Go lift and do cardio.

like I did when I edged myself watching fetish porn.

Maybe you like fetish porn...people like what they like...maybe the gal sucked in bed and not in a good way.

And It's not like I wasn't trying to get myself hard

None of what you mentioned objectively is going to make you hard... slapping a women around or grabbing her hair doesn't stimulate my dick....your method and technique may vary.

missionary for 20+ minutes (lasting isn't a problem).

20 minutes isn't very long...

Maybe the girl just isn't sparking myself sexually

This.

I have no emotional connection here at all

Could be this....not an issue for me personally

Before the V-card, I thought sex would be glorified masturbation,

I could not disagree more...if sex is glorified masturbating, someone is getting kicked out of bed.

Either way - the fact that I can't get fully hard is an issue, even if just for the future.

Dude if it was your first time, it was probably nerves and anxiety. Go lift, mind your diet, and do your cardio so you aren't struggling for sex. You just need more experience

Title	Can't get rock hard...
Author	TryQuality
Upvotes	14
Comments	48
Date	December 19, 2020 2:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/kg8n4f/cant_get_rock_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/cant-get-rock-hard.456102 https://theredarchive.com/post/456102

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