Red pill awareness nearly ruined my relationship, I thought. So I did my best to ignore TRP and be ex-TRP and carried on. But the relationship nonetheless came to an end recently. Emails were exchanged, revealing red pill truth. Now I'm bitter and have the urge to go full MGTOW. Don't trust women anymore.

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She wasn't toxic though. Never promiscuous, great relationship with both parents and siblings, always in LTR before me. But she kept me hanging emotionally for pretty much the entire relationship. I loved her romantically. She didn't love me back but kept trying and denying her lack of desire, always confused and frustrated, conflicted. I was honest about my love for her. She just couldn't. I was patient. She couldn't tell if she loved me or not, even though she did say it frequently. She's 36, never wanted kids until she met me (she says). However, I had quit my job and took a risk to start my business and ran out of money, so I had nothing to offer as a potential father and partner, with no indication of ever making it. How was I supposed to become a father if all I did was chase my dreams and being destitute? Her biological clock was ticking hard though. I fear that was the reason she wasn't able to love me the way I loved her. All the red pill flags were there and she just wasn't able to be truly honest with herself.

I'm really hoping that I'm wrong about all this. That not "all women are like that". That not all women are conflicted and want to make it work while unable to understand their own feelings or lack thereof, keeping a good guy hanging, love-blind. That I don't see my ex bagging some successful dude in his 40's and having kids with him right away because wouldn't that be a coincidence.

How does a bitter red pill aware man become and stay ex-red pill (again)?

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(sorry for any incoherences; I was just writing down my thoughts the way the came up)