Trouble dealing with the emotional pains that come with the game and balancing vulnerability and non neediness.

TommyPUA · 2013-06-04T10:39:27+00:00

It gets better. Just keep going out :)

itsmevichet · 2013-06-04T15:52:39+00:00

Generally speaking, deciding you like someone doesn't drive that person away. Actions do. What are you changing when you start to feel for these women?

As for feeling fucked up after being "left," that's a self-esteem and overall life-happiness thing that can't necessarily be fixed within the realm of dating. You'll have to find your fulfillment elsewhere and get that baseline of happiness.

I think there are a web of issues here that we can't really work on without more concrete details.

CapnJibid · 2013-06-04T18:10:24+00:00

You and I have a lot in common, amigo. I will say that it seems like your issue is more with your inner game.

Maybe something you should ask yourself is why you're here? Do you want a girlfriend? A wife? A casual relationship? Many casual relationships?

When I read what you wrote about these girls, girl #1 seems selfish. Not really committed to LDR bf, and clearly enjoying you in the side. Now this wouldn't be an issue, but what were you looking for? I know the feels of being replaced, but were you really? I mean, seems like her LDR is getting the worse deal. It seems like your disappointment comes from an unrealistic expectation. I do that a lot.

Girl #2 likely flaked bc let's face it, chasing sucks. Confident women won't chase you forever, and when you realized you liked her it might have been too little too late.

You said you have a problem maintaining interest? I have the same problem. For me, it came from not opening myself up to connecting. I can't connect to someone and be interested unless I open up. This may feel vulnerable, but only if you are worried about where things will go.

With regard to the feels, I know them well. Expectation management will help a lot. Women owe us nothing but honesty, so to expect anything else risks disappointment and shitty feels. For me, expectation reinforced my low self esteem and crap inner game. But when I started focussing on how I saw things and how they made me feel, I started making changes. Its crucial to remember you can't control anything but how it all affects you. Dat outcome independence.

recyclablebantha · 2013-06-05T10:22:23+00:00

I've been actively trying to open myself up to rejection and possible pain to become a stronger version of myself, but lately it's just getting hard to bear. Almost everything I do is meant to address this problem of mine.

The problem will get easier when you accept that your mindset and expectations are really what's difficult to bear.

My text game is geared to get girls out ASAP, I don't text much, only to set up day 2s.

This is fine but sometimes you may find that adherence to a "one-size fits all" approach to texting will shoot you in the foot if you are presented with a spontaneously awesome text conversation and you choose to shut it down because you only text to set up Day 2s.

I escalate persistently. When I want a girl I pursue her hard and direct (within reason of course, keeping PUA guidelines in mind).

I almost have the impression that you escalate fast and hard in an effort to get past some threshold, as if passing some point early enough will make something work and that the reason things aren't working well enough yet is that you haven't been fast enough.

If I'm guessing wrong, than forget I said anything. But if I am right, I would be careful not to let this mentality drive your actions. Because pushing harder and faster does not win this kind of race.

What the fuck? It seems in the last four months that the only things that have gone well are when I just don't give a fuck. Like literally don't care. The moment I make that switch in my head "huh this girl is cool," everything goes to hell.

I just posted something about this so rather than repeat myself, I'm linking to it.

Hint: It's not quite about "not giving fucks". You have to deconstruct your beliefs and thought patterns that are betraying you and setting you up for a roller-coaster ride every time you get involved with a girl.

.....honestly I'm embarrassed I still feel this way.......I can't get her off my fucking mind. I intellectually understand she was taken and I had no right even speaking to her to begin with, and I didn't "lose anything." I understand I can't control her and all I can do control is myself..... I don't know why she hits all these emotional triggers.

Cut yourself some slack in some areas. For example, you shouldn't be embarrassed about having emotions.

On the other hand, what you're doing in response to those emotions, is royally screwing you over. It sounds like you're trying to just rationalize them away with the thought that you "didn't lose anything". The fact is, you invested in her emotionally, and you lost that investment.

But you are on the right track: emotions can be influenced by your thoughts. The trick is that you are complicating things by going after the symptoms. Which in this case would be the emotional fallout from the loss you felt. You have to acknowledge that and ride it out.

The thing to do would be to go after the source of your problems, which is your mindset about love & relationships, in general. These beliefs and expectations about how a relationship or interaction with a girl should go, they're screwing you over. Life doesn't fit into these neat little boxes that we make with our expectations and the moment this becomes apparent, we get afraid and start doing things to fuck up a good thing.

If you can find your way to understanding and believing that love is not fate, nor should it be viewed in such a constrained way..... if you can find your way to deconstructing all the attitudes about love that are causing your fear, you stand a chance to reach a place where you are able to enjoy interactions for what they are, not what you need them to be.
If you can find your way to becoming strong enough in yourself that you are perfectly fine even if EVERY girl cancels on you in a week, then you'll be better able to handle the girls you date.

Title	Trouble dealing with the emotional pains that come with the game and balancing vulnerability and non neediness.
Author	1postpua
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	June 4, 2013 10:20 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fn6mf/trouble_dealing_with_the_emotional_pains_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/trouble-dealing-with-the-emotional-pains-that-come.1353364 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353364

Comments