Field testing new techniques is so fun, don't you think? A few months ago I remember reading about learning how to say no. For the old, nice guy me, saying no to a hot girl's request to hang out with you was sacrilegious. But as I learned more about how women are actually attracted to a man standing his ground, I began to pick up on this more in life. To offer two varying examples, I'll include something I witnessed my boss do, and then I'll include a recent successful text conversation I had with a girl I'm very attracted to which was something of a personal breakthrough for me.

So I'm driving to LAX with my boss and his fiancé to drop them off at their departing flight. My boss is a nice guy. He's not from America and perhaps this affects his persona, but for a forty year old, he has a long way to go on becoming vulnerable and not letting girls control him. His fiance is a man-user who I believe is marrying him for his status. Keep in mind, he provides all the money in the relationship. I witnessed the following silently:

Fiance hangs up cell phone.

Fiance: That was our real estate agent. She has a place in Santa Monica to show us.

Boss: Oh great! I'd like to live in that area if the place is good.

Fiance: Babe, you're not purchasing a house in Santa Monica.

My brain: [heh heh. it is only his million dollars]

Boss: But there's clean air over there. It's by the beach.

Fiance: Clean air is in the hills. By all the trees. That's why I want to live in the Hollywood Hills. We're not moving to Santa Monica. We'll live in the Hollywood Hills.

Boss: Okay. You're right.

Guys, I know most of you are not this bad, but the point is women will try and twist you around their fingers. Girls will fuck with you, shit test you, and check to see how much of a real man you are. And a lot of the time, we'll give in without even knowing it.

So then there's me. I go to this hotel bar I love with a pal. Meet HB8 there through a mutual female friend. I start chatting up this attractive young lady I've just met. Mutual friend grows jealous. Pulls me aside and tells me it's been too long since we've hung out. Ping ponging between these two girls provided me with great satisfaction over the next two hours. I escalate with both, etc. In the end I decide to go with new girl HB8.

90's music starts emanating across the dance floor. Did I mention I really love this bar? Since every time I go there and just D.G.A.F. dance to this silly 90's shit the girls flock to me like the Salmon of Capistrano. Anyways, I pull that sure fire move and next thing I know me and HB8 are getting super close on the dance floor. I lay on the kino and soon we kiss. She takes me back to her place and we have good convo in my car. I don't apologize for my white boy love of hip hop and proceed to rap a verse to my new favorite song to her. She tells me she wants to hang out with me again sometime, and even mentions getting together the next day. She pulls me into her bedroom and there's some foreplay. I tell her I want to see her again, so I'm going to hold back from doing what I really want to do right now. Risky move. I leave after she falls asleep.

SO HERE'S OUR TEXT CONVO:

(I text her two days after I met her)

Me: Hey HB8, it's ** from Friday night.

her: Hey ** ! How are you? (few lines of fun small talk)

Me: Definitely. Well let's grab drinks soon.

NO RESPONSE - obviously

Two days later, after getting a friend's opinion, I decide to do something fun. I IGNORED HER LAME ASS NO-RESPONSE.

Me: Hey

Her: Hey there.

Me: Can you grab a drink Thursday night?

NO FUCKING RESPONSE.

Now, dudes, one of my biggest weaknesses still is outcome dependence. I'm addicted to that mother fuckin outcome like my life depended on it-- which relates to a lot of shame and self-esteem issues, but that's a whole nother thing. The point is, those brutal days when she wasn't texting me back, I was killin myself over it. I'm into this girl and I don't want to fuck up like I have before. But at that point Mark Manson's voice come into my head.

Mark Manson: Yo, be vulnerable. Be honest. Lay it out there.

I resolve to make my peace and be done with it after her second no-response to a hangout proposal.

Me:Well I had a really fun time rappin with you in my car and dancing to NSync. I think you did too. I also hate texting. So if you want to hang out again, let me know.

THREE MOTHER FUCKIN DAYS LATER, this girl decides she has time to finally answer me.

Her: Hey **! I'm sorry... it's been hectic, but if you're around tonight and want to meet up I'll be going to happy hour after work.

I smile but remain in control of my shit, as I was at work and I had to deal with more pressing stuff. Three hours later, after this girl I was agonizing over all week finally invites me out that same night, I remember that thing I read about: saying no.

Me: Hey there. I have plans tonight. But there's a bunch of fun stuff going on this weekend, maybe we can hang out another night.

Her: Sounds good!! Let's do something soon.

And that right there, is probably the best move I could've made.

In my mind, I've gained a bit more control of my life, and I've become less outcome dependent from this experience. Thoughts?