Opinions on Self-Deprecating humor?

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-10-23T15:05:02+00:00

I personally feel that self-deprecating humor is an attraction killer. It subcommunicates neuroses that you may not even be aware of.

roadywan · 2013-10-23T16:32:18+00:00

Avoid publicly diminishing your value to a female at all costs. Save that shit for the most intimate of settings when you can reveal your "weakness" to her and only her. She'll think she's special, and chicks dig that shit.

Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It works.

TooPrivate · 2013-10-23T15:02:32+00:00

If this gets some attention maybe I'll update the description. Thanks seddit.

2013-10-23T15:52:29+00:00

I think it is a double-edged sword. Overuse it and you come off as a bit neurotic and you leave yourself open to people having a lower opinion of you because, IMO, people start to look for deficiencies in you or begin to see you as deficient (a perfect example would be a George Costanza personality type. But, you may be too young to get that reference). On the other hand, if you think soo much of yourself that you can't laugh at yourself or make/take a joke at your own expense, I think you come off looking like an egotistical douchebag.

My suggestion would be to use self-deprecating in moderation and I wouldn't lean on it as a crutch or as your "go-to" in social situations. But, I would recommend keeping it in your arsenal and learning to use it t the right time/right place; it can be a valuable skill.

40Watts · 2013-10-23T20:15:33+00:00

I think you can pull it off if the girl knows that you're already a confident guy who is not afraid to make fun of himself. You should do it very sparingly though otherwise she will question your self-esteem.

allemande1979 · 2013-10-23T15:44:55+00:00

I think it is okay, so long as there is genuine confidence to offset the literal message you'd be sending out. It can be a way to play around and be fun without being offensive to those around you.

sedditdee · 2013-10-23T18:03:07+00:00

TooPrivate wrote: My question is regarding self-deprecating humor? Is it good, bad, thoughts?

Only self-deprecate if you're on the verge of blowing her out -- because she's becoming insecure, reacting as if she has lower value*** than you in the interaction (or if the two of you are comfortable with each other to the point that your value in her eyes is no longer a question... which is to say, practically never).

***By "value", I mean that she starts to act like you're "out of her league", or vice versa. Or both of you are equal, which is rare.

Otherwise self-deprecation makes you seem like the next of a million Nice Guys who are apologizing for themselves because they want sex and have no clue about how to act in a masculine way.

Rule of thumb: never apologize for yourself as a man. That's a cheesy way of saying that there's no point in self-deprecating (i.e. lowering your value by insulting yourself in order to make other people like you). Saying "it's part of who I am" ignores the fact that you had to learn it at some point, just like all the rest of the social skills (like humour) that other people like about you.

There's a lot of subtle excuse-making and self-trickery in your post -- "it's just part of who I am", "I have faked confidence until I believed it", "I am who I am and I'm not gonna change to fit in", etc.

That rigid set of mentalities is going to hurt your progress as you try to keep growing over time. You'll do well to weed out that type of fear-based thinking now rather than suffer for it later. Being flexible and adaptable will serve you far better than trying to force the world to bend to your will.

You've already changed a lot to fit in. That's part of the reason why you're asking this question in the first place. You want women to like you more. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're not distorting your personality, changing your core values, or wasting inordinate amounts of time for the sake of chasing women instead of doing something more meaningful to you. And if women are the most "meaningful" aspect of your life, you might want to take a closer look at your reasons for being alive.

P.S. Do yourself a favor: stop "faking it till you make it". Basing your personality on being fake is probably among the worst pieces of advice that I hear repeated over and over on seddit and elsewhere. Or you can keep being "authentically fake" and see what happens when you eventually reach the limit of superficial success, and your deeper values become more important than external achievement. Don't wait until the midlife crisis to figure out who you really are, because by then it's too late. If you do the hard work now; the rest will be far simpler and more satisfying -- and you won't have to lie to yourself about having no regrets, as most people do.

Title	Opinions on Self-Deprecating humor?
Author	TooPrivate
Upvotes	0
Comments	8
Date	October 23, 2013 3:02 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1p1xo4/opinions_on_selfdeprecating_humor/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/opinions-on-self-deprecating-humor.1360394 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360394

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