How do I date sober?

ElectricRing · 2026-04-23T17:06:26+00:00

You don’t do anything different. The thing with alcohol is it just lowers your inhibitions. Makes you less self conscious and more willing to be forward. So that’s why it feels easy.

So without alcohol you just have to override your inhibitions. Your confidence plays a part on this. When you are confident in yourself and not seeking external validation (good inner game), you can escalate more easily sober. It’s a good skill to have, and once you have done it more it won’t feel like a big deal.

norwegiandoggo · 2026-04-23T17:07:34+00:00

You can act the exact same way you do when drunk - while still being sober.

You can even feel drunk while being sober. If you focus on remembering what that feels like and nudge your internal state in that direction. It's not going to get you 100% of the way there, but definitely 50% or more.

There's an interesting clip from Derren Brown where he does this to a guy: Gets him to vividly imagine what it's like to drink a lot of beers and feel their effects, and the guy begins acting more and more drunk despite not having drunk anything for real.

But I think it's all just like you said though: You are using alcohol as a crutch to give "less of a fuck" and let escalation take care of itself. Now you have to do it with conscious effort. And that can feel awkward the first few times. That's a hurdle you just have to get over by doing it enough to where you feel comfortable doing it sober. REPS BABY

trdcr · 2026-04-23T16:33:26+00:00

A good substitute is high-intensity sport or gym. Afterward, if you're so tired and/or pumped that you don't care, you have more leeway in everything.

southparkslope · 2026-04-23T18:01:40+00:00

25 years sober, quit at 21. It's tricky, youll have to change your dating goals and reframe that past dating behavior as a different approach. You will need to initiate physical touch consciously and on first dates if you are actually interested. You will need to learn to follow your instinct and gut soberly and without the intermediation of alcohol. You will need to deal with the judgements/misunderstandings of the dates that do not work out. You will need to deal with your own mistakes. There might even be a handful or a dozen fumbles. It's ok. That will be painful. But you will survive.

It's ok to have this beginner mindset again. You will just need to learn to do it consciously, to reframe and treat the inner anxiety with kindness/love instead of alcohol, and acknowledge this all not as a shortcoming but as a true human experience.

I_went_full_regard_ · 2026-04-26T09:08:05+00:00

With a shaky hand

Title	How do I date sober?
Author	Informal_Student6441
Upvotes	14
Comments	8
Date	April 23, 2026 3:51 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1stmojq/how_do_i_date_sober/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-date-sober.1578696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578696

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