Duration: 2 hours

Total sets: 4

 

Walking sets: 3 indirect + 1 direct

 

 

THE SETS

 

– Asked a fellow for the time almost at the very beginning of me thinking I was going to “warm up with 5 indirect sets within 5 minutes to get it quickly overwith!” - I then proceeded to be stuck in my head, anxious, and slightly paranoid, I objectively and logically knew these were all “false”, but I was still not able to muster up any courage for over an hour

 

– I then asked a pretty woman for directions for the cafe, and even on this totally innocent one, I was still very anxious

 

(I was walking around and trying to talk myself into taking action, this rarely works, even tho I think it does by trying to think positive enough, funny shit, or reminding myself that people don’t give a shit, or that I shouldn’t give a shit, trying to be objective to my negative withholding thoughts and feelings.)

 

– There was a girl who lost her jacket on the ground behind her and she kept walking. The gentleman I man I approached her and said she lost it, she was thankful of course. But seriously, still on these when I’m doing people a FAVOUR, I feel like I’m a leech, maybe because my energy was bad.. It can be really frustrating, I’m also quite criticising on my monotone (I think it is) voice, and projection.

 

– I then opened a girl, weak voice, weak stop, came from the side like a leech-seller type. My approach “deserved” what I got - “Hey.. Excuse me? Can I just ask something quickly?” - “Ehm.. No.” - “No?”

 

  • On the audio I sounded really butthurt, hahah, and I probably was.. I was thinking about these tips from RSD Julien about “Making Yourself Feel Good” - to reframe every negative thing that happens to something funny - I then only thought about telling some stranger that this happened, and say something like “I’m supposed to reframe that shit to something funny… But I didn’t think it was funny.. It hurt.” - Saying this in a sarcastic (but real) tone, would be kinda funny to me.

 

 

SUMMARY:

 

  • Well, one thing I DO have gotten better at is just small-talking with people here and there when the opportunity arises, like staff-people and promoters etc.
  • I walked around for 2 hours total, and I feel it was kinda wasteful.. I felt kinda bad, bought myself to chocolates (my comfort food) and ate it on the subway home - I was actually doing a 30-day challenge with no sweets/chocolate/chips (my cravings and need for it became too wild at one point). I kept trying to remind myself of the positives, that I’m at least trying this shit out, AND by myself even which I know to be much harder for me, I can manage doing it with wings tho.
  • When I came home and read on a forum about this AA-solo-topic “give yourself props man, you’re trying at least, don’t be too hard on myself” - this rings so true to me, and then I managed to feel better for trying, and recognizing I’ve come a long long way - also remembering me as super depressed and crippling socially anxious just 4 years ago. It’s not emotionally caught up yet, that “yay, I did good, I TRIED AT LEAST!” - but I keep reminding myself, It will catch up sooner or later..
  • The probably most agonizing is watching the most attractive girl, those girls I personally find extra cute, pretty and sexy for MY taste - and then I ususally keep walking, but sometimes I stop and CONSIDER running after them, but I just look down at my phone then up at them again (a phasade in case people watching, so they would think: “oh, he’s just lost” or “oh, he’s just looking at the time.” - and I KNOW people don’t care nearly as much to give a random dude stopping in the street, but this is my automatic behaviour and thoughts.. Anyway, seeing them walk away, and me knowing I let up a possibly great opportunity to meet someone sexy and awesome, not even that, just knowing that I let myself down is hurtful enough. I WANT to know how it’s like to be able to fuck and be with a gorgeous fucking girl that I PERSONALLY find REALLY hot and attractive. (I again, KNOW this is faulty thinking as it’s putting the girls on a pedestal)

 

 

OVERALL GOOD

 

- I fucking went out daygaming alone! THIS IS PROGRESS MAN, ZOOM OUT! - I was smart tactically and asked one for the time, to diminish anxiety a bit. - I was tired of frustration/anxiety for walking around action-less for an hour, then I just shutted the fuck up and opened one woman direct with a compliment - Was trying to think of funny shit in my head to train self-amusing as I walked, doing street improv/cold-reading people mentally to “hone” my cold-reading/teasing-skills - Maybe this is just too much of “mental-activity” putting me in my head and making the anxiety worse and making it even harder to approach more girls.

 

 

OVERALL IMPROVE

 

  • Too much in my head, meditate on street while walking - observe thoughts, try disassociating!
  • My main sticking point in mind today was “the hook-point”, but maybe it should first be "solo-AA" - Solo-AA: Warm-up with asking for the time and directions to places - try less busy streets/places - ASAP do it with 5 people (try non-attractives!)
    • I went out and put on a timer, and was planning to do these 5 warmups fast in 5 min - I managed to start quite quickly, went passed several people/chances tho, and then I went around for a fucking hour, before finally doing another one (direct)
  • After being warmed up, just try and go for it, first girl!! Just have a quick nice chat, send her a compliment.

 

TL;DR: I can mange getting over AA with wings, solo today and I got negative and in my head, walking around for 2 hours, only managed to do 4 indirect and 1 direct. My goal was to hook girls, but didn't get past the open on my one direct.