Is Friend Zone really a problem?

cpcallen · 2011-05-23T15:18:42+00:00

The "friend zone" isn't really about being friends: it's about being friends with someone you're attracted to who doesn't regard you as a potential sexual interest, as a poor substitute for having the sexual relationship you actually desire.

You're absolutely right about about the merits of friendship within the context of a potential long-term relationship - but only if it's in addition to, rather than a substitute for, reciprocated sexual attraction.

TofuTofu · 2011-05-23T14:59:33+00:00

What a beta/AFC way of looking at the world.

Go out to a dance club. Attract a cute girl. Bounce her to get some breakfast at a diner. Form a genuine connection over commonalities and shared interests. Take her home. Make sweet, passionate love to her.

You're going to tell me you can't imagine a healthy, "interpersonal" relationship starting that way?

Look, sex is a hack. It's a warp pipe to launch you to Bowser's castle. Sure, you CAN go the friends first -> lovers later route. Not only do you run the risk of a more attractive/more alpha/more aggressive male stealing her out from under you, but you're making life harder for yourself.

Tons of great LTRs have begun with a night of sex. You're fooling yourself to think otherwise.

pansartax · 2011-05-23T14:53:53+00:00

we are persons, not animals.

You would be surprised

frogma · 2011-05-23T16:11:12+00:00

In addition to what Tofu said, Bro, this is how everyone did it back in high school. This is how a lot of guys still try to do it now. It can work, just like how yelling "Bomb!" in an airplane might not get you arrested. But it's not the best way to do things. In fact, if I made a list of the 5 ways to do things in order of efficiency, this would be at the bottom (with an asterisk, and a sidenote saying "This isn't recommended, it's only on the list because it's technically an option").

Like cpcallen said, you're not even talking about the friend-zone. You're talking about just befriending a girl instead of escalating. Actually, I'm not even too sure of what you're talking about, and I don't think it's based on much real-world experience. I can't get laid in any situation by simply befriending a girl and not going beyond that.

You seem to be assuming that PUAs don't have "friendly" conversations with girls. When I'm talking to a girl, I like to tease her, and joke around with her. I usually share some stories and have her share her own (unless I'm in an environment where that's a distraction and a liability). Pretty much everything I do is playful and friendly, but instead of going through this whole process where you wait days or weeks to actually make a move, I shorten it to a few hours by building a lot of attraction and escalating.

Skipping it is a guarantee that any physical exchange will not elevate itself to the interpersonal level.

The friendship is already there because I treat the girl like a friend- except it's also sexual. And you're dead wrong about physical exchanges not elevating a relationship to a deeper level. You must've not had too many physical exchanges in the first place, or else you're approaching them with some sort of weird, asocial mindset.

It's one thing to have your own opinion- I can respect that, if you know what you're talking about. It's another thing entirely to act like you know what you're talking about, and to converse in a condescending manner as if you know what you're talking about, and to also assume that your opinion is fact. That I don't respect.

The friend-zone (as it's usually defined, which is different than your definition) is a bad place to be in. There's absolutely no doubt about that, by basis of the definition itself. cpcallen provided that definition.

est007 · 2011-05-23T14:36:45+00:00

Really ... I think its kinda creepy

puaCurveBall · 2011-05-23T18:03:16+00:00

Friendzone is not about being friends. The term refers to being judged by the girl as not sexually healthy/competent and not a potential mate.

So yes, being judged as not a potential mate is a problem.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-05-23T18:57:31+00:00

Friendship is most definitely NOT the natural first step to any sort of relationship you want (meaning: involves sex). If you fail to have attraction before comfort or "friendship," that means the woman is more comfortable with you than attracted. Result: LJBF.

It is easier to take a sexual relationship in the direction that you want, than it is to take a friendship into a sexual direction. If you get LJBF, it is your own fault for thinking you should be friends first. Good luck with that.

Title	Is Friend Zone really a problem?
Author	magicroot75
Upvotes	0
Comments	11
Date	May 23, 2011 2:31 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hi27d/is_friend_zone_really_a_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-friend-zone-really-a-problem.1318567 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318567

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