That might not be the best way to title this, and I figured it would get attention. That being said, this will be fairly long,well thought out, and some negative parts, which is where I want to focus on.

I'm 26, I still live at home, I'm not working, I don't have a college education and the start(s) of a promising career. I do have a high school diploma which I got long after I should have, more on that later.

I feel I haven't or barely even begun to go for what I want, do what I want to do,puruse goals/dreams. Oh sure, I think about it, but there hasn't been much action. Due to what I feel has been the obvious, lazyness/procrastination, and a lack of resources on my part.

Lack of resources? Well, money,job/career,place of my own,etc.

That being said, I did meet someone and we've been going out over a month. I'm more than greatful. Not to sound like I'm pedestalizing, but something tells me most girls out there,esp given my age, wouldn't go out with someone in a situation like mine. Or is that just a negative perception of things?

I mean, I've long felt on the bottom so to say, not succesful,powerful,"alpha", however you want to define alpha. There's a few ways too, but there's a general idea yes? Good looking,powerful,confident,status,etc? Some of that which I like, some of which I'm put off by actually. I mean, what is alpha exactly? I tend to sometimes get too caught up in the whole alpha/beta thing.

I mean, I always had an idea, well, it was a warped idea from when I was in high school, in which almost everyone but me was alpha, so like, it just got caught in my head, along with alot of other negative thinking, that I feel I sank.

Ok,I got a little off point there. One area in particular I have always been rather self concious/inexperinced in/angry/bitter/depressed/ about at times is that of sex/dating,etc. Oh sure, I finally met someone, but that still doesn't make up for uh,lost time shall we say.

We haven't had sex yet she and I, she's a virgin still, and she's very comfortable talking about it, she wants to do it, she's said she's ready,needs to go on birth control,we've fooled around in ways, but yeah, no sex yet. And I've been on a 5 year dry spell, so, you can see where I've been frustrated. I haven't taken it out on her or gotten angry or tried to get her to do anything she didn't want too, I never would, but I mean,I have felt frustrated, but dealt with it. What am I going to do? Get angry cause she doesn't want to have sex? Not too cool.

Now, I met her online, which is pretty much where all of my game if you would has been focused. Oh sure, it's a great resource, but it has, I don't do it since I've met someone,but will go back should things not work out,but I would say it is/was a crutch. I mean, I just fell into it, the dating and being online part.

See, I'm not or wasn't as sociable a person as I'd like to be or could be. I have some close friends,but that's it. I tend to spend alot of time alone and isolated, and have slight social anxiety,and am way too in my head alot of the time,unless I'm talking one on one with someone, and this also too has led to feeling like lost time.

Rather than going out,approaching,getting more confident,etc, I instead retreated to inside and well,took the easy way out. This does bother me that I feel like I gave up without even trying.

See,I didn't go to college after I finished high school, cause I didn't graduate due to damned standardized testing,and I finally did a few years later, which at the time I was working, and tried going back to school,but it was tough when you're working full time.

I feel this impacted me severly. I was 19 at the time,and well, when I wasn't doing anything,cept for hanging out with friends and drinking, I tended to spend alot of time online,out of habit, and didn't put much effort into anything else. Something I've come to accept. People tried to push me,but I didn't listen. I finally had sex with this girl that yes, I met online,but that didn't go so well.

Now,for someone who's talked about wanting to have sex as much as I have, I haven't done much in the pursuing of it. I mean, you'd think I'd have been out there every night trying,figuring it out,but no, I mostly was,as I am now, here. Doing this. cept for when I'd work and such. So yeah. I think part of it was from negative experiences over the years.

Was gonna say something about looks and all that,but I need to remember what I was going to say.

I lost my train of thought, but I think you see where I'm coming from.

Oh yeah, one thing I wanted to bring up I've been dealing with:

This:

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/neh70/has_anyone_ever_been_intimidated_by_slightly/

I know exacly where he's coming from, not just with chicks,but in general. I feel inadequate and intimidated by those who I percieve as well, better or doing better or more ahead than me. I feel a lack of accomplishment, things I want to do, but aren't.